Upset about bedrooms.

[Pools27]

Want to keep it short.

All DC are the same sex.

Me and H have a 1.5 year old and he has two older DC as well who are 11 & 13.

Just moving our DC into their room now (I know I'm a bit late!).

DSC 13 has always been quite sensitive and has been making comments that it's not fair that our DC don't have to share a room. DSC share here and I think they do at their mum's too.

Have explained it would be no good one of them sharing a room with our DC as they are so young, they'd never be able to use the bedroom past toddlers bed time etc... Or have friend round and things.

AIBU to think it totally makes sense that youngest has a room to themselves and older two share as similar in age?

Quirkyturtle - thank you for your offensive post - am very happy in my life -from married to single parent to now SM of 3 - where sharing in our house is the norm but also happy to sit down and listen to my eldest SDC who feels the same as OPs eldest SDC - but she also accepts there is little we can do

Less personal insults please

@Finallylostit Why do you think anyone here is suggesting she not be compassionate about it?

@Tattler2

OP, so the house was made more convenient for everyone but the your step kids? I think the statement speaks for itself?

We often hear moms lamenting that their kids are treated as second class. This is actually the first time that I would think that this notion might actually apply.

Oh FGS

Where exactly do you think the OP should have built another bedroom and what with? Fairy Dust?

They've converted the loft to a bedroom, the older two were offered this, but they didn't want it (personally I wouldn't have given them the option, I'd have either moved them up there OR carved out a very small bedroom for the toddler -which could be changed into a walk in wardrobe down the line - but that's without knowing the dimensions of the attic, though OP says it's not very big) in 4 or so years time things will be different (17 yo probably not still wanting to do EOW) and I'd have moved things around again... & hoped for a lottery win!!

But the OP cannot just magic up yet another room just so that the older two don't have to share.

@Finallylostit

Good choice of username! If you hang around this forum and read a few threads, you will see that most SMs here are the financial lifeline for the family. Many have been providing the roofs over the DSCs heads for years before being able to have a child of their own.

These are the people you are spouting crap and bollocks to, so don't expect the warmest of welcomes.

Where exactly do you think the OP should have built another bedroom and what with? Fairy Dust?

@Tattler2 comes from the Ivy League world. Things are a little different there. You can stick another floor on a concrete building. It's a bit harder to do that on a Victorian terrace (even assuming you could get the necessary planning permissions).

@NameChange30

I'm not a step-parent but I've been a step-child (for most of my childhood) and I think the step-children should share the loft room with some kind of room divider solution.

They were offered this, but didn't want it!

[quote Tattler2]@RichardsGear
Of course, the children will have to accept anything or everything that is placed before them. Many children share bedrooms. It is not a particularly unusual thing. This however is obviously a problem in the OP's household such that she is seeking validation from strangers that this is a reasonable solution.

The children who are experiencing this situation will feel whatever they feel and those feelings will be governed not by the snippet of information that we know but by the totality of their experience within the household. If they feel that they are treated fairly / equitably within the family unit, they are not likely to be complaining. If they feel that the same degree of consideration is given to their comfort and well being, they will probably not be complaining.. Comfortable and secure children do not usually complain.[/quote]
@Tattler2

Comfortable and secure children do not usually complain

Have you ever actually met a child 🤣🤣🤣

[quote arethereanyleftatall]@chocolatesaltyballs22
And your second question..she can't magic up another room no, but is the same amount of thought going in to whether you can financially and logistically afford a third child as if the first two were yours too? [/quote]
The older two are sharing a bedroom, not dog kennel in the garden.

FFS

Doesn't matter the amount of time the children are there the fact is the 11 and 13 should share due to the massive age gap. That's how it would work if they lived there full time and even if they weren't the step children. Simple ! I'd feel sorry if one of the older children was a different sex and they got the room to themselves while the other step child had to share with a very young sibling, then there's a bit of an issue but then again that's life

Having 3 children of the same gender and having extensions added to the house that provides upgrades for everyone but the step children does suggest that their presence and preferences were not considered in the planning.

@Tattler2

With the best will in the world, there is a limit to how much you can extend most houses in the UK, and the answer is - not a lot. (Perhaps 10 feet in many cases). Old housing stock, tiny plots, endless rules on preserving old features, building regs to protect attached neighbours etc.

A loft extension on a modest house in London costs upwards of £50K. This might give you a small extra bedroom and a shower room.

Bunk beds down the middle and each have their own side. My brothers had this, eldest nearer the door as they are later ti bed.

I would emphasise being able to stay up later because they don't share

@gogohm

Bunk beds down the middle and each have their own side. My brothers had this, eldest nearer the door as they are later ti bed.

I would emphasise being able to stay up later because they don't share

Ive seen a brilliant photo demonstrating this.

www.mattressnut.com/bunk-bed-room-dividers/amp/

Call me foolish, but I would think that living in a country where residential space is not only limited but also not easily expandable would make prior planning not only prudent but also critical when deciding on the number of people who will be living in that space.

It does not seem very caring or thoughtful just to pop out additional children and then try to figure out how the limited space can be configured or reconfigured. That seems to be a situation not unlike the tail wagging the dog.

It is not a way in which I could plan my life, but clearly it is the way that many others seem to plan their lives. If space availability and finances are not critical in determining the number of children that a man can realistically and comfortably afford to have, what factors are used to make this determination?

It would seem for some, that every time a man establishes a relationship with a childless or new partner that the new partner is entitled to a child of her own regardless of the partner's ability to provide adequately for x number of children.

This process reminds me a bit of the Little Old Woman in a Shoe Nursery Rhyme.

It does not seem very caring or thoughtful just to pop out additional children and then try to figure out how the limited space can be configured or reconfigured

A three bedroomed home is perfectly suitable for a family with three children, when two of those children are same sex and close in age

*Comfortable and secure children do not usually complain

Have you ever actually met a child* 🤣🤣🤣

Or any teenagers in particular? I thought complaining about anything and everything, and feeling hard done by, was a part of the job description 🤷🏻‍♀️

It would seem for some, that every time a man establishes a relationship with a childless or new partner that the new partner is entitled to a child of her own regardless of the partner's ability to provide adequately for x number of children.

If the childless woman is providing the roof for all the children, then she can choose whether she prefers to have a child of her own or a more luxuriant lifestyle. If the ex/DSC want to complain that she is not keeping them in the manner to which they are accustomed, they can take that argument to their actual parents.....

The definition of ability to provide adequate accommodation has mushroomed down the ages. The same houses that now house 2 adults and 3 children once housed several adults and at least half a dozen children. This is in the space of about 120 years.

@Tattler2

Call me foolish, but I would think that living in a country where residential space is not only limited but also not easily expandable would make prior planning not only prudent but also critical when deciding on the number of people who will be living in that space.

It does not seem very caring or thoughtful just to pop out additional children and then try to figure out how the limited space can be configured or reconfigured. That seems to be a situation not unlike the tail wagging the dog.

It is not a way in which I could plan my life, but clearly it is the way that many others seem to plan their lives. If space availability and finances are not critical in determining the number of children that a man can realistically and comfortably afford to have, what factors are used to make this determination?

It would seem for some, that every time a man establishes a relationship with a childless or new partner that the new partner is entitled to a child of her own regardless of the partner's ability to provide adequately for x number of children.

This process reminds me a bit of the Little Old Woman in a Shoe Nursery Rhyme.

What an absolute bonkers response! Why can't a childless mother or father have a child? Just because their new partner has other children doesn't mean they are now banished from having a child of their own.

Step children are not royalty and they do not require to be treated as such! They can share bedroom; just like any family would have.

Two children can have a bedroom full time or even part time.

Each family and household arrangements are no one else's business and it is obviously just what works. There's no right or wrong for any of it.

@Tattler2

Call me foolish, but I would think that living in a country where residential space is not only limited but also not easily expandable would make prior planning not only prudent but also critical when deciding on the number of people who will be living in that space.

It does not seem very caring or thoughtful just to pop out additional children and then try to figure out how the limited space can be configured or reconfigured. That seems to be a situation not unlike the tail wagging the dog.

It is not a way in which I could plan my life, but clearly it is the way that many others seem to plan their lives. If space availability and finances are not critical in determining the number of children that a man can realistically and comfortably afford to have, what factors are used to make this determination?

It would seem for some, that every time a man establishes a relationship with a childless or new partner that the new partner is entitled to a child of her own regardless of the partner's ability to provide adequately for x number of children.

This process reminds me a bit of the Little Old Woman in a Shoe Nursery Rhyme.

It is absolutely laughable to suggest the OP’s partner is failing to ‘adequately provide’ for his older children because they are expected to share a (decent sized) bedroom while they are with him.

@Tattler2

Call me foolish, but I would think that living in a country where residential space is not only limited but also not easily expandable would make prior planning not only prudent but also critical when deciding on the number of people who will be living in that space.

It does not seem very caring or thoughtful just to pop out additional children and then try to figure out how the limited space can be configured or reconfigured. That seems to be a situation not unlike the tail wagging the dog.

It is not a way in which I could plan my life, but clearly it is the way that many others seem to plan their lives. If space availability and finances are not critical in determining the number of children that a man can realistically and comfortably afford to have, what factors are used to make this determination?

It would seem for some, that every time a man establishes a relationship with a childless or new partner that the new partner is entitled to a child of her own regardless of the partner's ability to provide adequately for x number of children.

This process reminds me a bit of the Little Old Woman in a Shoe Nursery Rhyme.

You're failing to understand that the circumstances in different countries influences the cultural norms in that country.

In the same way that many around the world wouldn't consider a whole family all sharing one room inadequate, people in the UK generally do not view two children of the same sex and a similar age sharing inadequate. It's not that people give it no thought, they think about how they will provide for their children, but in doing so, do not come to the conclusion that bedroom sharing is a dealbreaker.

In terms of your last paragraph about step parents being "entitled" to children, this is something you pass quite harsh judgment on regularly. Nobody is entitled to have children with unwilling partners, obviously, but there is a reality that if you are a person with children getting into a relationship with somebody that doesn't have children, there is a strong possibility they will want them and you already having them should not prevent that. It's up to you to make it clear if you don't want kids, but yes, childless partners are quite likely to want their own children. Having to navigate that in the dating scene is a consequence of having children and then splitting with their parent.

I don't see the problem with the children sharing tbh. Usual tatter response I'm still not sure why we give that oxygen.

Let's look at the facts

DSC aren't be turfed out of existing rooms and have been given a choice over which room they would like, they have rejected the loft space. Just a new one being built and that's been built to accommodate new child.

Neither SC wants to share with a toddler - nothing shocking given ages. But one of the SC would have to share - not sure how you would go about picking the "favoured SC" or how would impact the other. At least one would be upset.

Now if DC started to object to SC having their own room most people would be up in arms because essentially they are saying we don't want our sibling living here.

DSC have to share at their own house. So are we expecting the SDC to be provided for better than their own mothers house? If so why ? Because it's a blended family ? Odd thinking.

It seems to me that actually whenever a blended family acts just like a nuclear family and doesn't overtly or covertly pretend that SDC need to be put as top priority people on here lose their minds.

In a nuclear family people would go ah well yes that's how it is kids but because it's SC there always seems to be a need for the first family failing and if that's such a issue maybe mum and dad need to work on that. Stop shifting the blame.

I say this as a child from blended family.

@Tattler2

Call me foolish,

You are foolish. It's perfectly normal for siblings to share a room. You seem heavily overinvested in this thread. Maybe back off now.