Upset about bedrooms.

[Pools27]

Want to keep it short.

All DC are the same sex.

Me and H have a 1.5 year old and he has two older DC as well who are 11 & 13.

Just moving our DC into their room now (I know I'm a bit late!).

DSC 13 has always been quite sensitive and has been making comments that it's not fair that our DC don't have to share a room. DSC share here and I think they do at their mum's too.

Have explained it would be no good one of them sharing a room with our DC as they are so young, they'd never be able to use the bedroom past toddlers bed time etc... Or have friend round and things.

AIBU to think it totally makes sense that youngest has a room to themselves and older two share as similar in age?

@MrsTrumpton

Are the DSC both girls or both boys? If they're not, maybe that's why they don't want to share still.

I've said in my OP, all the children are the same sex.

Tbh unless you want the loft conversion for some reason then you are already being more accommodating than I would be. I would be insisting that they need to move into the loft room, because I would not want to be on the floor above the toddler (or them to a lesser extent)

Bedroom allocations are a primarily practical decision to me, not an emotive one driven by the kids. It's obvious that this is just the way it has to be, and as you say likely to become a moot point anyway if you go on to have more children.

I know you’ve just bought the bunk beds op. But have you thought about this sort of split? Plenty of examples online.

That looks awesome!

Practically I'm not sure it would work as you'd either have to put the stud wall into the middle of the window or one side would have to have no window as it's a big window and right in the centre of the wall.

@arethereanyleftatall

What about my idea *@ilovemyboys3* of bringing the toddler in with you for the one night a week she stays so that she can have the room to herself for that one night?

No wouldn't work, she's very much in a routine and it took us a look time for her to settle in her own room at 7 months old. When she's unwell and ends up with us, it takes 2 or 3 nights for her to be happy back in her own room. She's much more settled and happy in there. She adores her tbh and isn't fussed.

My two older brothers shared a bedroom as I wad the only girl it was a fact of life, it completely makes sense to do it that way.

OP, you are looking at this from a logical perspective, and that is fine. The 2 older children may from a logical perspective view it as a situation where their father provides not only less time to his older children but also less available space. He has 3 children but 2/3 of the grouping get less of his time and less of the available space in the home that he provides for them.

As an adult, you see logic. As kids, they likely see inequity and what they may perceive as preferable of one sibling.

They may have to share a room at the home that the mom provides but they get considerably more time with mom and there may be no child in her home who gets their own room.

Children in every home should learn to share, but sometimes decisions made by the adults do not allow for fairness to all of the children involved. The kids won't be damaged by sharing a room , but their feelings about their father's less than equitable treatment of all of his children may cause some long-term resentment

I'm confused? So you had a 1 bed house which you have now turned into 2 by adding a loft extension- this sounds....odd?

Or did you have a 2 bed house you have now added a loft extension to and now have 3 bedrooms?

@istandwithukraine

I'm confused? So you had a 1 bed house which you have now turned into 2 by adding a loft extension- this sounds....odd?

Or did you have a 2 bed house you have now added a loft extension to and now have 3 bedrooms?

I don't think it's that confusing.

We had two bedrooms and then did a loft conversion so we have 3 now.

DSC have always shared a room, then me and DH had the other (with baby). Me and DH now moving to loft conversion and toddler is having the room we used to have. DSC are not changing their room, they are in the one they've always shared.

I think what you’ve done is sensible, ‘fair’ and logical. However I do also think it sucks for the older girls to always have to share. It’s not your fault, but it still sucks and I can see how as LO gets older they might see that they have a sister who enjoys her own room.

If you had anyway of splitting any of the rooms as pps have suggested and making a fuss of them choosing differing decor etc then that would be a lovely and kind gesture as they don’t get their own room anywhere

Soo many people asking questions which the OP has answered at least once, mostly in her OP!

RTFT people!!!

OP it sounds as if you’ve been very reasonable offering the loft and switching to bunk beds when asked. Your set up sounds fine to me and you’re right that children don’t get to change everything every time. That’s true regardless of their family setup.

OP, so the house was made more convenient for everyone but the your step kids? I think the statement speaks for itself?

We often hear moms lamenting that their kids are treated as second class. This is actually the first time that I would think that this notion might actually apply.

I love how in typical MN style this has been made so complicated by the “suggestions”. You are doing the right thing regardless of if they are SC or not.

Surprise nobody has told you to give them a room each and get a side bed for you and DH

You could always direct DSC to how some families around the world all live in one room.

*Sofa bed

FFS 🤦‍♀️

@Tattler2

OP, so the house was made more convenient for everyone but the your step kids? I think the statement speaks for itself?

We often hear moms lamenting that their kids are treated as second class. This is actually the first time that I would think that this notion might actually apply.

No, the house was made big enough for all its occupants. We couldn't have reasonably shared with our child forever and we couldn't have reasonably put all 3 DC in one room.

There is nothing torturous about having to share a room. Our DC had no room at all before the loft was converted. DSC didn't need anything doing to their room, they have a double room already.

If they were sleeping under the stairs before we did the conversion I'd have it. But they weren't, they already had a bedroom.

It's not treating someone second class to not do something that they don't need.

Surprise nobody has told you to give them a room each and get a side bed for you and DH

I'm waiting for that one tbh!

I think if anything the older two have been given two much choice; first they wanted bunk beds and now they don't want to share a room? If it was me I think I would stop letting them call the shots and put them in the loft room with some kind of divider solution. I don't think I would have offered it as an option to decline. I would allow them input into the organisation and decoration of the room but them having the room in the first place would be non-negotiable.

It makes sense for you and DH to stay on the first floor next to the youngest.

Talk to DH about it and ensure you are a united front about it, then sit them down and tell them together what you have jointly decided. Don't deal with alone and risk being the bad guy while DH doesn't get involved. They are his children after all.

Second class to share a bedroom with your own sister? Children have been sharing bedrooms since the beginning of time.

I can't quite believe that you don't know children share bedrooms. It's bewildering the sheltered lives some people lead. Try reading books etc to widen your knowledge.

two too much choice

Why yes, of course - you and your husband should be sleeping in the dining room so all the children have their own space!

It sucks to share. I would have absolutely hated it. But in many families it's normal. Unless you can magic another bedroom out of thin air or suddenly start earning more and buy a bigger house, I don't see how this can be made any more fair.

It is what it is. Don't let anyone make you feel like you're not doing enough or are not doing right by your (step)kids.

Some of these replies are absolutely insane 🤦🏻‍♀️

Dining room! What if one of the children wants a snack in the night? Selfish.

I'm sure they have a car they could sleep in.

@mugoftea456

Some of these replies are absolutely insane 🤦🏻‍♀️

Insane but standard! If you're a stepparent and you're not living in a tent in the back garden when your stepchildren are around, you are in the wrong.

Tent in the back garden! What if one of the children wants to go on a trampoline at midnight?

Just get dh to shrug at them and say "well, when you are adults you can have your own rooms. When you have your own kids you can decide who shares with who. This is the situation in this house"