Fiance no longer in regular contact with DD

[Nancylove12]

Hi all

I'm sure I will trigger many people with this post. And be dragged by many replies but I am wanting some tangible advice buy someone who maybe in a similar position.

My fiance has two kids age 8 and 6 he separated from the ex 5 years ago now. The split meant my fiance moved 190miles back home. He would see the kids every other weekend at first. But when he started dating again contact was removed. He would travel and the ex would purposely take the kids out and not reply to his messages. This was before I came on the scene. I have seen the messages he saved and his mum first told me the back story . I met my fiance 3.5 years ago. Contact went down to once a month. Then after he tried to get more information via school reports etc the ex changed numbers started playing games. In the last two years there has been hardly any contact at all he hasn't spoken to the ex in over a year any contact goes through his mum who plays both sides as she is scared she will be denied access to the kids. Last year he saw the kids twice. The fight has all gone and he said he's moved on. I always put suggestions as to what to do but he's not interested and prefers to talk about our future and move on from the past. He said he wants a baby with me once we are married. I can't get my head around my baby having siblings they don't really see. If I'm honest we had two years of DRAMA with the ex with boundary issues, insane shouting on the phone and access issues. The last year and a half have been blissful without it but I know the situation isn't right. However, I have stayed out it. I know many will say this man will do the same to you. He pays CMS and I do think if the kids weren't used to emotionally manipulate we wouldn't be in this situation. I'm just asking has anyone experienced something like this? And what would you suggest I do? My finance has emotionally disconnected no tears no depression he's moved on and regrets having children in that situation.

@mommabear2386 that's very well put.

At some point the nrp (yes usually the Dad) will make peace with the situation. Make arrangements via mediation or court if it needs to go that far and get on with life.

I'd rather be in my situation and know when I'm seeing the kids and can plan things / have a life then the two years before when everything could change at a moments notice with access being denied or extra time granted when convenient.

@mommabear2386

The sad face is when couple with children spilt if they are constantly fighting and access is being denied (rightly or wrongly) by mum and dad goes without the kids for long periods of time he will get used to this and to some degree start to be ok with the free time / extra money / less drama / more time with new partner

Is it great no but it is just life.
My DH had his kids dropped off to him every morning and he gave them breakfast and took them to school then he collected them and have them tea back home to mum for 6 every min- Friday, he worked nights.

When we met after about 4 months mum didn't want me around the kids etc so started to stop the morning and she changed her hours and took them to school, my DH never got a say. But you know what he soon started to enjoy going straight to bed when he finished work at 7am.

Then we moved into a house together after 1..5 years and we said we are happy to still have the kids after school for tea each night but could she collect them on her way home from work instead of him dropping off every night ( we didn't move far about 15 mins drive )

It was a no. Hard no. And she got pissed said she was going to make other arrangements after school so it all stopped. Again he had no say and suddenly he went from every day to just Thursday for tea only and EOW.

It was shit BUT again he began to adjust and enjoy being free for other things
About 6 months after she said he was going to have to have them mon-Friday again for tea due to her Family childcare failing through ( they got pregnant themselves ) she offered to pick up one night.

He said no we would have them three nights out of give for tea but she was to collect twice. She refused. So it stayed the same.

Is he the bad guy no. She assumed she held all the cards and power them actually snot herself in the foot when he didn't run right back to a crazy schedule that he had actually began to enjoy not having to do. Of course he misses the kids but he was always in contact

He doesn't come out of this as the good guy btw. He's perfectly capable of taking some steps to change things rather than adjusting o his much easier childcare life.