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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Should I just go and get them?

425 replies

Avocadodo · 08/09/2021 16:32

My DH is due to pick up his children this weekend and then mum due to pick them up. DH can't drive this weekend due to injury. Their mum asked DH if I could come and get them. I've never spoken to her in my life and I'm not that involved in the parenting side of things and also I hate the motorway. So I've said no, and DH can't find anyone else (family live many miles away).

So no fuss from DH, not my kids so not my problem. But Ex is now insisting I go and get them and she's got plans for the weekend she doesn't want to cancel. She said I need to step up for them. Is that just tough or shall I
go the long way and get them? DH would have to pay for my petrol. I mean I see her point of view but if I didn't exist they'd have to sort it out between them.

OP posts:

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Original poster

Avocadodo · 08/09/2021 16:43

He could come with me but he'd be in a fair bit of pain sitting that long and he'd probably want me to keep stopping. I'm not scared of her I can do it by myself. Just not keen on her attitude! But I'll rise above it and do it for the kids.

OP posts:

Porridgealert · 08/09/2021 16:44

@ClemDanFango

Their Dad needs to step and arrange some way to get them not you.

Maybe he could arrange a sedan chair each. Or a tandem bicycle. Or a drone to watch over and guide them. Or ask his wife to do him a favour. 🙄

Beamur · 08/09/2021 16:44

It's not unreasonable for DH to ask you. Equally it's not unreasonable for you to refuse. The onus is on your DH to make other arrangements though, or swap weekends. Doesn't sound like this is a good weekend for that though.
Is a taxi an option?

Driftingblue · 08/09/2021 16:44

It’s his parenting time and his responsibility to transport his children. He can’t do the job and needs to provide a substitute, not the mother. As his spouse, it’s a bit odd that you are taking such a hard line on helping him out. The favor is not for the mom, it’s for him.

Original poster

Avocadodo · 08/09/2021 16:45

Id be really disappointed in you if I were your husband. I think he's more disappointed in DSC's mother. He's always been flexible with pick ups and drop offs for her.

OP posts:

Araisaris · 08/09/2021 16:45

Just go and get them for goodness sake. They’re your husband’s kids!

LadyCatStark · 08/09/2021 16:46

Well someone’s going to have to do your DH the favour and go and get them so it’s not completely unreasonable for that person to be you. She is BU for demanding though.

Original poster

Avocadodo · 08/09/2021 16:46

It will be 3 hours in total coz I will avoid the motorway.

OP posts:

Sheenacollada · 08/09/2021 16:46

@Avocadodo

Id be really disappointed in you if I were your husband. I think he's more disappointed in DSC's mother. He's always been flexible with pick ups and drop offs for her.

Sounds familiar. Always take take take with some of these ex wives.

funinthesun19 · 08/09/2021 16:46

The demanding ex wife would really put me off “stepping up”.

liveforsummer · 08/09/2021 16:47

A DH asking his wife is not unreasonable but the ex wife demanding it most definitely is.

It's likely incredibly frustrating when you have only 4 days per month free, make rare/ precious plans then the ex lets you down spoiling them. Maybe she shouldn't have demanded but i kind of get it

Porridgealert · 08/09/2021 16:48

[quote Avocadodo]@Ohshittt yeah I think that's it. If she hadn't have started sending the messages insisting I do it I probably would have been more easily talked round to driving the long way and getting them. I'm stubborn like that.[/quote]
I see you've decided to go so. I think that's very kind of you. And as you've never met her, this will be a nice chance to say hello.

Beamur · 08/09/2021 16:48

I don't think haranguing the OP about this is fair.
She really isn't obliged to do this. Yes, it would help her husband but it sounds like the usual give and take here is not being extended. Plus not everyone likes motorway driving.
I only drove my SC's occasionally because it really stressed me to be responsible for them!

liveforsummer · 08/09/2021 16:48

@Avocadodo

Id be really disappointed in you if I were your husband. I think he's more disappointed in DSC's mother. He's always been flexible with pick ups and drop offs for her.

You said she has plans though so probably can't be flexible without ruining them. Could lose her money etc from tickets or bookings

CornishGem1975 · 08/09/2021 16:50

I would do it for my DP.

Pinkspecs · 08/09/2021 16:50

She sounds rude, saying you should step up.
If I were her I would just drop them off.

TeeBee · 08/09/2021 16:53

If that was me, I would have jumped to offer in the first place. But the moment she 'insisted'...yeah fuck you sister, you're on your own.

PinkFootstool · 08/09/2021 16:55

Fuck me, only an hour and a half each way even without the motorway? Yeah go get the kids. It's not their doing that their DF is in pain or their DM is hard work.

Of course, the other question is, do they want to come and how much care will you need to takeover when they are with you?

Shitfuckcommaetc · 08/09/2021 16:56

You said she has plans though so probably can't be flexible without ruining them. Could lose her money etc from tickets or bookings

That's not the OP's problem really though is it?

liveforsummer · 08/09/2021 16:59

@Shitfuckcommaetc

You said she has plans though so probably can't be flexible without ruining them. Could lose her money etc from tickets or bookings

That's not the OP's problem really though is it?

No but it should certainly be the children's fathers. All these comments are if she wants a free weekend stuff is nonsense. This is his weekend and his share of the journey as arranged. He needs to fulfil it somehow. It's not fair not to.

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 08/09/2021 16:59

Well really I think the worst bit about this is that DH doesn't seem bothered and that it was ever something that needed to be asked. You're married. It should have just been assumed that this is what would happen, because you're a family. That obviously shouldn't be taking the piss because you're right that he's their dad so should be doing most of the work and the parenting, but I think when you marry someone with children you're agreeing to be a family and if it's going to be so "his and mine" that you don't want to help the man you love to see his children when he's too unwell to drive it's a bit of a kick in face for him, or it should be so it's unusual he's not bothered or surprised.

Quartz2208 · 08/09/2021 17:00

Yes I think you need to rise above it - the kids want to see their Dad

Hobbitfeet32 · 08/09/2021 17:00

Of course you should pick them up. I would in this situation. But then again me and my husband like each other and do tend to do helpful things for each other and each other’s family.

Those saying he should find an alternative plan….who is better placed to ask a favour of other than your wife??

CantBeAssed · 08/09/2021 17:00

Ex sounds pretty rude but you come over extremely detached from your step kids.

Shitfuckcommaetc · 08/09/2021 17:01

Exactly! So it's still not the OP's problem!
So why is the ex not insisting her DH do it?
Why is OP getting the shit

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