Should I just go and get them?

[Avocadodo]

My DH is due to pick up his children this weekend and then mum due to pick them up. DH can't drive this weekend due to injury. Their mum asked DH if I could come and get them. I've never spoken to her in my life and I'm not that involved in the parenting side of things and also I hate the motorway. So I've said no, and DH can't find anyone else (family live many miles away).

So no fuss from DH, not my kids so not my problem. But Ex is now insisting I go and get them and she's got plans for the weekend she doesn't want to cancel. She said I need to step up for them. Is that just tough or shall I
go the long way and get them? DH would have to pay for my petrol. I mean I see her point of view but if I didn't exist they'd have to sort it out between them.

Think I'm just being stubborn and should just go and get them

I think you should go. Not to seems churlish unless there's some massive backstory and drip feed.

But you do exist and you're married to their father and you're part of their lives. I think she should bring them over actually, they are her children after all. But if she wouldn't, I'd do it for my husband. How far away are they?

If she asked nicely I would do it as a one off since DH was injured. But since she isn't being nice and is trying to force you to do it, I wouldn't. But that's just because I hate being forced to do anything!
If she drives I would tell her is her plans are that important she can drop kids off this one time extra.
How far is it?

Nope. She can drop them off.

Me and my dh help each other. So I would go as the driver, your dp should also come as parent. Really don't know why he didn't ask you already rather than asking ex.

Their Dad needs to step and arrange some way to get them not you.

step up

Step parent myself here and it's the fact that it's her demand that really stings and makes you not want to do it. I totally get it. But really you're not doing it for her, you're doing it for DH and the kids. If you are able to then I would just do it, I have found myself here on many occasions and sometimes it's just easier to be the person getting the raw deal. If DH is up to it perhaps he could take kids out early on the Sunday and let you have a nice lie in or something.

Is their any reason Mum can’t drop them off?

Personally and I’m an ex wife, I’d presume that if I wanted a child free weekend then I would have to drop and collect.
So if I was in your shoes, no I wouldn’t collect them especially with that attitude. If there was basic manners and asking politely I might as a once off. But being ordered, definitive no from me

Why can't you drive and your partner go with you?

Well he needs to arrange something, if not you then something/someone else. Personally I'd go if I were you given the circumstances but it's ultimately your choice. If the children's mum has plans I can see why she's frustrated

@FeckTheMagicDragon

Is their any reason Mum can’t drop them off?

Yes she has plans, which is fair enough

Just to add my SS mother has never, ever dropped him up or picked him up from ours. Not her 'job' apparently 🤷‍♀️ wouldn't care but he would love it if she did do it just once.

If she needs them to come then she'll have to bring them. You aren't at her beck and call. Just say no.

@ClemDanFango "some way" would be asking a friend or family member to help. I think asking wife to help is not unreasonable.

The demand would annoy me, but in all reality, me and my DH help each other out, so I'd do it to help him and nothing to do with his ex (assuming there's not a massive back story obviously)

@Ohshittt yeah I think that's it. If she hadn't have started sending the messages insisting I do it I probably would have been more easily talked round to driving the long way and getting them. I'm stubborn like that.

Personally and I’m an ex wife, I’d presume that if I wanted a child free weekend then I would have to drop and collect.

Well if this was extra time as a favour or someone like a friend or family member then I'd agree with you but this is the child's father and it is his scheduled contact

Could their mother meet you somewhere halfway between houses as a compromise?

I’m a mum and ex wife. I’d suggest she rearrange her plans and drop them off if she also has plans for the weekend. I’d respond to a request, but not to a demand.

I don’t see why you wouldn’t, it would be a no brainer for me. Can’t he come with you

[quote Sally872]@ClemDanFango "some way" would be asking a friend or family member to help. I think asking wife to help is not unreasonable.[/quote]
A DH asking his wife is not unreasonable but the ex wife demanding it most definitely is.

Id be really disappointed in you if I were your husband. Fair enough you don't normally have much to do with parenting but its not normal times if he has an injury and can't even rely on you to help him out. Id defo do it.