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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Should I just go and get them?

425 replies

Avocadodo · 08/09/2021 16:32

My DH is due to pick up his children this weekend and then mum due to pick them up. DH can't drive this weekend due to injury. Their mum asked DH if I could come and get them. I've never spoken to her in my life and I'm not that involved in the parenting side of things and also I hate the motorway. So I've said no, and DH can't find anyone else (family live many miles away).

So no fuss from DH, not my kids so not my problem. But Ex is now insisting I go and get them and she's got plans for the weekend she doesn't want to cancel. She said I need to step up for them. Is that just tough or shall I
go the long way and get them? DH would have to pay for my petrol. I mean I see her point of view but if I didn't exist they'd have to sort it out between them.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ABitPeedOff · 12/09/2021 09:33

@vivainsomnia

Yes. DH picked up the slack with our home and child last year while I was failing in my responsibilities by nearly dying Exactly my point. When your OH can't do something, it's normal in a loving responsibility to go and do it for them.

Would the response be the same if it 2as apparent rather than a child?

If it was your mum who needed to be taken to an appointment which you normally did but couldn't, wouldn't you expect your OH to help? I certainly would and did a number of times. I did it to help my OH because I love him and we are in a relationship where we help eachother.

I think as always, this just about the ex because even though it's about helping the nrp, it's somehow still deemed as helping the ex.

That poster's husband is her child's father. He wasn't 'picking up the slack' with their child because he's her husband, he was doing it because he's the child's father. That's the point she was making. Whether you're separated or not the book stops with the other parent ultimately if one is unable to do anything.

People must have realised that when having children? That if for some reason the father of your kids becomes incapacitated or heaven forbid even dies it would be YOU, the child's mother, who would need to "pick up the slack".

Comparing a still dependant child with two parents to an elderly mother doesn't really work.

And in the mother scenario, if I had siblings, they'd actually be the first ones I'd expect to help.

SandyY2K · 12/09/2021 11:50

Make this the last time you pick the kids up if DH is unable to. How rude if her to behave as she did.

MeridianB · 12/09/2021 14:01

Just read your update, OP.

Fing b* doesn’t begin to cover it.

Beyond vile.

CallmeHendricks · 12/09/2021 17:35

Someone needs to text her back saying, "I think 'thank you' is the word you're looking for."

Evesgarden · 12/09/2021 17:48

I dont understand why you went and knocked on her door and said that.

I'm sorry OP but I think that's antagonistic. You were doing your DH a favour on the time he should have had them.

Yeah her messages you your DH were bat shit but you set yourself up for that.

You knew the reception you were likely to get - you got the reaction you expected and now you can complain about it..

Evesgarden · 12/09/2021 17:49

@CallmeHendricks

Someone needs to text her back saying, "I think 'thank you' is the word you're looking for."

No. No one text back anything.

Its pathetic.

Beamur · 12/09/2021 19:04

How rude (of her)
Agree to keeping the high ground here and don't reply. But sod any more lifts!

candlelightsatdawn · 12/09/2021 21:49

@Evesgarden

I dont understand why you went and knocked on her door and said that.

I'm sorry OP but I think that's antagonistic. You were doing your DH a favour on the time he should have had them.

Yeah her messages you your DH were bat shit but you set yourself up for that.

You knew the reception you were likely to get - you got the reaction you expected and now you can complain about it..

Yes so by your logic she shouldn't have gone right ?

Since she knew the reception she was going to get and therefore didn't have to put herself in that situation to be mistreated badly right ?😅 wouldn't want her presence to upset the ex so best to remove herself completely from equation.

Because obviously otherwise you would be saying that the ex has a right to treat her badly which no human has the right to do that to another.

MrMeSeeks · 12/09/2021 23:05

Right then next week op fuck her, ungrateful cow.
She can bring the kids over. Do not do the trip again, any favours DO NOT do, ungrateful cow can go swivel.

brightwhite · 12/09/2021 23:13

You're a much better person than her.

Makes me stick to my original thoughts last week of don't go!
Please don't go again- let her drop off. Cheeky cow.

Datgal · 13/09/2021 10:48

I categorically would not have picked them up in the first instance. Especially if she's known for an attitude! Fuck that. She's the other parent, she can drop off. And yes, it sounds very much like you did her a favour (as well as dh, obviously), as it meant she could carry on with her plans.
I do wonder, what would have happened if you'd had plans too? I bet you my monthly wage she'd still expect you to drop your plans and go.
And the more you do shit like this, the more you'd be roped in.
Like you, if it was a normal human being who was nice we're dealing with, I wouldn't think twice in offering.

aSofaNearYou · 13/09/2021 13:38

Exactly my point. When your OH can't do something, it's normal in a loving responsibility to go and do it for them.

I've said it before to no avail, but the trouble with this logic is that this is not the only favour she is doing him. As a step parent, there does often come a point where you have to draw a line and say "that's enough favours now", because otherwise the amount of favours you could be called upon to do are just far too many. It's rarely just a one off incident, so boundaries have to be established, loving relationship or not. This isn't something that is easily understood by people not in that position.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 13/09/2021 14:36

@Evesgarden

I dont understand why you went and knocked on her door and said that.

I'm sorry OP but I think that's antagonistic. You were doing your DH a favour on the time he should have had them.

Yeah her messages you your DH were bat shit but you set yourself up for that.

You knew the reception you were likely to get - you got the reaction you expected and now you can complain about it..

I agree. I feel sorry for the kids. It’s all so uncomfortable and embarrassing. I bet they’re mortified by it all.

vivainsomnia · 13/09/2021 14:57

ungrateful cow can go swivel
I'd love to hear that the ungrateful cow ca t come to pick up her kids at 5he end of a coming weekend, say that her OH/mother/sister could, but they don't see why they should do him a favour, so either he brings them back himself, or he keeps them and deals with it. Hrs got to go to work? Not her problem.

timeisnotaline · 13/09/2021 15:02

Well she has shot herself right in the bloody foot hasn’t she?! Good on you for mentioning McDonald’s, i would find it very difficult not to feed them McDonalds every visit from here on! I hope your dh has messages don’t worry about setting rules she won’t ever be picking them up again since that’s how she gets treated. I guess next time she can cancel her plans since your dh can’t do the driving and you definitely won’t. And if she cancels pick up I’d just keep the kids until she picks up if that were at all feasible.
Do you stay out of the way at pickup? Pretty tempting from here on to be there with your arm around dh waving bye darlings. Doesn’t even feel petty compared to her behaviour.

timeisnotaline · 13/09/2021 15:05

@vivainsomnia

ungrateful cow can go swivel I'd love to hear that the ungrateful cow ca t come to pick up her kids at 5he end of a coming weekend, say that her OH/mother/sister could, but they don't see why they should do him a favour, so either he brings them back himself, or he keeps them and deals with it. Hrs got to go to work? Not her problem.

He’s not very likely to be going to work from the sounds of it so if she does try it I’d just keep them if at all possible. ‘Ok, no worries they can stay a little longer, I guess they will have to miss school. I still can’t drive so let us know when you can collect.’ There is a limit to how far a parent needs to go to try and rearrange in illness when there is still a perfectly healthy parent who has been incredibly rude to first parents only back up option.

Grrreatt · 13/09/2021 15:26

@vivainsomnia

ungrateful cow can go swivel I'd love to hear that the ungrateful cow ca t come to pick up her kids at 5he end of a coming weekend, say that her OH/mother/sister could, but they don't see why they should do him a favour, so either he brings them back himself, or he keeps them and deals with it. Hrs got to go to work? Not her problem.

And if her mother/sister/OH did come and pick them up would you be totally fine with OP and her husband being rude to them when they arrived?

LittleMysSister · 13/09/2021 16:00

I would not do this, she should drop them off.

Why would you put yourself out just so she can make her plans??

DancesWithTortoises · 14/09/2021 08:09

What a cow.

I hope DH tells her it will never happen again even if she finds her manners.

NightOwl19 · 19/09/2021 19:18

How has everyone's weekends been?

DSD refused to see us this weekend and her DM is loving it so all this drama looks like it's set to be dragged out again.

bogoffmda · 19/09/2021 20:31

DF has tried to arrange alternate transport with his DW and she has refused - considering how important this is to DH.

I find it a little hard to understand in a loving relationship if she is able to

Youseethethingis · 19/09/2021 20:32

You'd find it less hard to understand if you at least read OPs posts.

bogoffmda · 19/09/2021 23:16

I have but if she had said yes to the her DH then none of this would have happened. Not like he does this all the time and he is injured.

Does not excuse what happened after - but completely avoidable.

KylieKoKo · 19/09/2021 23:43

I have but if she had said yes to the her DH then none of this would have happened.

Yes it would have. The mum would still have been rude to her

Youseethethingis · 20/09/2021 08:57

Jumping to attention the minute a toddler starts issuing unreasonable demands never ends well.
I can see why OP didn't want to set a precedent.

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