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Original poster

Meeting the ex wife…or not

267 replies

FlorenceandZebedee · 22/05/2021 22:34

I’m interested to know people’s experiences of meeting partner’s ex wives when there are children involved. If you did was it beneficial and how? If you didn’t, why not? For context I am the ex and my stbxh has moved into his new partner’s house and is introducing our 2 children to his new circumstances. I have requested to meet his new partner as with no other family around she will be the default support should it be needed and also as it’s her house they’ll staying in every other weekend she will obviously be a key part of their lives,

OP posts:
Cadburyflakeicecream · 25/05/2021 11:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

bumblebee1980a · 25/05/2021 11:24

@Cadburyflakeicecream

Is this post about you? No.

Start your own thread 👋🏼

bumblebee1980a · 25/05/2021 11:25

@Leaninghouse

I don't say you were. You and one other person commented.

Cadburyflakeicecream · 25/05/2021 11:40

[quote bumblebee1980a]@Cadburyflakeicecream

Is this post about you? No.

Start your own thread 👋🏼 [/quote]
Why are you so dismissive of me? You made a stupid comment and got called out.

bumblebee1980a · 25/05/2021 11:58

@Cadburyflakeicecream

Why are you so dismissive of me? You made a stupid comment and got called out.

Stupid comment - well that's subjective really isn't it.

You obviously have a lot of issues going on but I abhor continuous swearing, and to be honest I find it immensely irritating me that you're making someone else's thread about yourself.

Start your own thread and we will talk about you.

Cadburyflakeicecream · 25/05/2021 12:15

I’m putting a perspective of someone who has no interest in meeting up.

You’re projecting your own issues.

But I’m not going to be ordered off a thread by you.

bumblebee1980a · 25/05/2021 13:50

@Cadburyflakeicecream

You’re projecting your own issues.

Interesting. Have you actually read your own posts? 🤨😂

Cadburyflakeicecream · 25/05/2021 13:51

Glad you find things so amusing

RedMarauder · 25/05/2021 14:55

@Dogoodfeelgood Some ex-partners and some step-parents are abusive.

Some of them aren't obviously abusive but they show by their words and actions that they will abuse people e.g ex-partner when they don't get their way.

This is why some ex-partners/step-parents say "No" to a meeting and also ensure there are no chance meetings e.g. handovers.

Others see no reason to meet an ex-partner/step-parent as while they may be part of a child's family they are legally nothing to do with them.

Also adults should be aware that they cannot make someone meet them if they don't want. This seems to be ignored by many posters on this thread talking about demanding or tricking someone into meeting you. You cannot make someone to meet with you if they don't want to.

bumblebee1980a · 25/05/2021 15:30

@Dogoodfeelgood

Absolutely you should meet! It doesn’t have to be a formal thing (and probably shouldn’t be) but it would be polite and normal for her to come to the door at a pick up and say hi and make introductions. It boggles my mind that people wouldn’t do this unless either party was literally an axe murderer, in which case they shouldn’t have children in their care!

Totally agree.

Personally I would feel nervous meeting the ex but I would do it knowing that if it was the other way round I would want to meet someone who was essentially living part time with my son.

aSofaNearYou · 25/05/2021 15:38

Personally I would feel nervous meeting the ex but I would do it knowing that if it was the other way round I would want to meet someone who was essentially living part time with my son.

Do you have any experience of this?

Bibidy · 25/05/2021 15:54

Personally I would feel nervous meeting the ex but I would do it knowing that if it was the other way round I would want to meet someone who was essentially living part time with my son.

I just don't get why it needs to be this big thing though. I met my DP's ex in passing when I happened to be at drop-off. I would never have wanted to meet her had she requested a specific meeting with me, it's so awkward and unnecessary.

As far as I'm concerned we're nothing to do with each other and my relationship with the kids is via their dad. As long as he's happy with the way I am with the kids then I'm happy.

KylieKoKo · 25/05/2021 16:25

*I just don't get why it needs to be this big thing though. I met my DP's ex in passing when I happened to be at drop-off. I would never have wanted to meet her had she requested a specific meeting with me, it's so awkward and unnecessary.

As far as I'm concerned we're nothing to do with each other and my relationship with the kids is via their dad. As long as he's happy with the way I am with the kids then I'm happy.*

This is exactly how I feel.

Vie8126 · 25/05/2021 17:52

@Bibidy your comments about meeting other family members echo mine and my thoughts exactly! You don't need to meet the new partner end of unless you will also insist on meeting all the other people. As for the be clever about it posts kinda proves that it isn't for the children's best interest as if it was a no would be respected. It doesn't mean anyone has anything to hide I just decline to have that meeting.

I didn't get a choice and was court ordered. What happened? She grilled me screamed at me and it didn't end very well.... In front of dsd actually. So surely it was better for everyone to not have had that meeting? I was stressed she was stressed my partner was stressed and most importantly my dsd must have been confused too. The meeting albeit briefly was deemed not enough by dps ex (not quite sure would be tbh) not a hope in hell would I put myself through that again. And no I was not any other woman she left my DP before I'd even met him. Too much is said to be in the interests of the children when in fact the children are not even considered.

Just let it happen organically it will all start on a much better footing. My exh dp and I bumped into each other at an event both our dds were singing at and we chatted briefly and moved on much more pleasant we say hello if we see each other and I've had her in my house when she's had to do pick ups etc it's all much nicer and pleasant.

aSofaNearYou · 25/05/2021 18:07

I didn't get a choice and was court ordered. What happened? She grilled me screamed at me and it didn't end very well.... In front of dsd actually.

I can't believe the court ordered you to do this, awful.

Twinmomma123 · 25/05/2021 18:32

I’m really surprised about the court order.

DH ex requested it in court, I agreed but it said in the order that her request was “acknowledged” as I was under no legal obligation to do so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Vie8126 · 26/05/2021 06:34

It was part of the CRO that her meeting was granted despite me already having contact with DSD she wasn't allowed to have overnights until I fulfilled her wish. The judge found in her favour for a lot of the ridiculous requests. She's abusive and manipulative to the hilt. We actually don't even do handovers now due to her behaviour towards DP, me and MIL and all contact between both parties goes via DPs stepdad. I did it for DP and DSD so we could go back to overnights. I wouldn't do it again. As an ex wife I can't imagine making such demands of my exhs new partner either!

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