I don't like when my Step Children are home...

[Amanda87]

Sorry, but I really feel so much better and happier when it's just DH and me!
I miss the quiet, I miss the adult time and most of all, I hate hearing all the time: Mom did this... Mom said that... Mom bought this...
Uuuuuuuuuuugh!

I know I'll be thrown many rocks at in here, but just wanted to vent and I know many people feel like me.
I would do anything when they're here, from cooking to entertainment, but I like it better when I'm disengaged and leave their dad with them.
I even rather come to work when they're home because I feel better outside.
Now, I'm not horrible or a monster like I know I'll be labeled as. I just feel like nobody will every be ready and 10000% ok with being a step parent to children that aren't theirs...
Well...

Oh lord! She never says she hated the kids 😂 I've been around my 3 for 8 years almost and I still prefer it when they aren't at home!

The times they are here for a week straight a go out more because the noise levels are just abit much and I'm not used to the house being so full.

We get on and I do loads for them and enjoy their company at times but I can admit I prefer life without them.

That's not us awful women trying to separate dads from children it's honesty!

I think very few woman welcome SKs whole heartedly in every aspect and prefers it when they are there.

Gosh you’re allowed to prefer the time when they’re not there. It doesn’t mean you hate them or want to erase them, it just means your world doesn’t revolve around them.
It’s not like you openly tell them that you can’t wait to have a couple of days without them is it? Nothing to feel bad about at all.

How old are they?

I guess this is similar to doing a job you don't much like, but have no plans to leave because it's not that bad.

You're not alone and it seems thousands...probably millions of stepparents around the world feel the same as you do.

In fact I read a thread elsewhere today where the OP (stepdad) said when he heard his SS coming into the room his heart kind of sinks. He prefers when he goes to his dads and said he gets frustrated at his mere presence. His other reasons were thdt his wife's parenting didn't match up to his morals and values....yet he wasn't about to call time on the relationship.

So many others posters felt the same and confessed to taking out these frustrations on the SC at times.

Over the years, I've come to realise so many SPs hate it and I can see why teenage stepkids stop going to dads. It's not just because of activities and friends being closer...it's because a lot picked up on the fact that SM doesn't particularly like them and dad doesn't make that much of an effort with them.

They previously went because it was court ordered...but once they can vote with their feet...they do just that.

How old are they? I find around age 7-8 my SC went through a "mummy does this" stage. It's nice becuase it means they like you enough to tell you about their other home and someone important to them and they want to share it. It's hard when it becomes almost like they are critising but to them their mum will do everything the right way and they won't know there are different ways of doing things. That's where you and your partner can explain that in this house things are done differently. It is a concept that children with one home don't have to get used to and I think it is a tricky one for them to grasp.

Oh and I expect their mother likes having a bit of peace and quiet when they are with your OH so i don't think its wrong that you also like having peace and quiet when they are with their mother.

Okay my dp didn't get this until I had to collect them one day. They came in the house and climbed all over him shouting normal kids stuff.
The next day he said o me that he finally understood how hard it was to go from quiet time working to full on 4 kids out of no where one day or 2 days a week.
It's normal.
I adore my toddler but jesus it's different having 4 here to one just on pure volume levels. When we have only had one or two of step kids not all 3 at once is been much much easier due to volume, space and rowing. They just bicker ll the time due to ages and its hard.
Dosnt mean there not nice kids or you don't wish them well.
Rnat away!!!

My ds goes to nursery and I love have quiet time to wfh in and to study. It's hard hard work else and that's my own child!
I know the dsc own mom likes her break from the kids too... Really normal

Its other people's kids, isn't it. I would be the same. With my own children I can handle anything they throw at me, but exactly the same behaviour from my neices or nephews is difficult. The worst behaviour is from a child whose Dad has them 40% of the time after a difficult custody battle. Nobody every says no to the child to avoid upsetting the apple cart, so my goodness they are hard work.
You have never said you don't like your SC, or don't get on with them, they just aren't your children. You do the right thing by letting him spend time alone with him and taking a step back.

@converseandjeans

I don't think it would be fair to bring another child into the equation.

I imagine they'll grow up eventually and stop coming over as much.

Surely you knew this when you got together with a man with children?

Of course she bloody didn't or else I'm sure she wouldn't have perused it FFS. Nobody knows how they're actually going to feel until it happens.

It's perfectly normal to feel that way. What matters is how you manage your feelings so that your behaviour towards the children is ok.

So you might, for example, plan regular breaks - you could go out regularly for some part of their time or your DH could take the kids to a regular activity or just to the park.

@ThatsNotTheTeaHunty

You knew what you were signing up for and you're just resentful towards them. Not sure how they'd stop you TTC. You just sound jealous of them and an attention seeker.

BINGO!!!!

@SandyY2K

I guess this is similar to doing a job you don't much like, but have no plans to leave because it's not that bad.

You're not alone and it seems thousands...probably millions of stepparents around the world feel the same as you do.

In fact I read a thread elsewhere today where the OP (stepdad) said when he heard his SS coming into the room his heart kind of sinks. He prefers when he goes to his dads and said he gets frustrated at his mere presence. His other reasons were thdt his wife's parenting didn't match up to his morals and values....yet he wasn't about to call time on the relationship.

So many others posters felt the same and confessed to taking out these frustrations on the SC at times.

Over the years, I've come to realise so many SPs hate it and I can see why teenage stepkids stop going to dads. It's not just because of activities and friends being closer...it's because a lot picked up on the fact that SM doesn't particularly like them and dad doesn't make that much of an effort with them.

They previously went because it was court ordered...but once they can vote with their feet...they do just that.

Have you ever considered that teenagers stop going because they have more freedom, socialise with friends more? That's why I stopped going to regular contact. My "step mum" was just dad's gf at that point and wasn't really there so she wasn't the reason. It's absolutely normal for teens to stop regular routine contact - it's not a reflection on step parents at all. Your assumption is a stretch, let's be honest.

My sister felt like this with her DP kids. Was always going on about them messing up her house. No kids of her own . I had to explain that they were not being disrespectful, it was what teenagers did.
Now , all grown up , she is having a great time with them as adults and enjoying their company,

Am I just odd then? I can't wait for dps kids to come at Easter. I love a house full. They are big so due to the pandemic we don't see much of them

@minniemoocher

Am I just odd then? I can't wait for dps kids to come at Easter. I love a house full. They are big so due to the pandemic we don't see much of them

No not odd. But everyone is different.

@ThatsNotTheTeaHunty

You knew what you were signing up for and you're just resentful towards them. Not sure how they'd stop you TTC. You just sound jealous of them and an attention seeker.

Unless children come with their own instruction leaflet detailing what they will be like at every life stage then no, OP did not know what they were signing up for. Does any parent?

I had pnd... Does that mean I knew what I was signing up for by having kids ? Nope, no I didn't.
Lots of actual parents don't like their children during difficult stages.

@ThatsNotTheTeaHunty

She knew there were kids. The fact she said they're delaying her TTC just screams jealously. I said what I said. I stand by what I said.

She knew there were kids. Wow. I mean presumably when you were pregnant you knew exactly how your child would be? Exactly how you'd feel at every life stage? I mean you knew there was a child after all.

Her delaying TTC seems sensible, not indicative of jealously, tbh.

You're not a step parent are you?

She said the kids stopped her TTC not that she has put it on hold. Read it properly.

trust like I said. I said what I said. I still agree with what I said. I don't have time to keep replying as I have stuff to do. I can't sit on MN being a thread warrior.

@ThatsNotTheTeaHunty

trust like I said. I said what I said. I still agree with what I said. I don't have time to keep replying as I have stuff to do. I can't sit on MN being a thread warrior.

That'll be a no then.

You clearly just came to make a rude comment on a subject you know f all about and make a fool of yourself.