I don't like when my Step Children are home...

[Amanda87]

Sorry, but I really feel so much better and happier when it's just DH and me!
I miss the quiet, I miss the adult time and most of all, I hate hearing all the time: Mom did this... Mom said that... Mom bought this...
Uuuuuuuuuuugh!

I know I'll be thrown many rocks at in here, but just wanted to vent and I know many people feel like me.
I would do anything when they're here, from cooking to entertainment, but I like it better when I'm disengaged and leave their dad with them.
I even rather come to work when they're home because I feel better outside.
Now, I'm not horrible or a monster like I know I'll be labeled as. I just feel like nobody will every be ready and 10000% ok with being a step parent to children that aren't theirs...
Well...

Ft was easier for us also because like the pp we just parented how we saw fit and ignored the exs stupid demands. She relinquished her right to have a say when she kicked her own child out. It was better. Dss behaviour was better, grades were better, relationships with both us and his mum were better.

He since moved back and everything slowly got worse behaviour /grades wise and apparently it's all our fault lol.

@Easterbunnygettingready

What happens if eow becomes ft?

Depending on the circumstances, it might improve markedly.

There’s be no more Disney dad ‘oh I hardly ever see them’ logic. It would just all be routine parenting.

Although not if the ex were to die, I’d imagine. They’d be poor motherless victims and he’d probably ramp it up.

Hi all, sorry busy at work, hence the delay with the references! I think someone had asked what scientific publications exist to back up me saying happy SMs who have a better time in their relations also are more likely to love their SC. Or smt like that!

“….we posit that stepparents’ relationships with their spouse and stepchild are affectively linked because these relationships begin and develop simultaneously.…When problems arise in the stepparent–stepchild relationship, stepparents may partially attribute these difficulties to action (or inaction) by the biological parent (e.g., the stepparent perceives that the biological parent has taken the stepchild’s side in a dispute rather than the stepparent’s)”
(Reference: Fine, M. A., & Kurdek, L. A. (1995). The relation between marital quality and (step) parentchild relationship quality for parents and stepparents in stepfamilies. Journal of Family Psychology, 9(2), 216-223. )

“Stepparent relationship problems with children are factors of divorce in stepfamilies”
(Reference: De Longis and Zwicker, Marital satisfaction and divorce in couples in stepfamilies, Current Opinion in Psychology, Volume 13, February 2017, Pages 158-161)

“Nearly all successful SMs perceived themselves as mother figures in the sense of responsibility for the children, and a desire to be a nurturer or a protector"

(Reference: Whiting, J.B., Smith, D.R., Bamett, T. and Grafsky, E.L., 2007. Overcoming the Cinderella myth: A mixed methods study of successful stepmothers. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 47(1-2), pp.95-109.)”

“Good conflict resolution, acceptance as one's own, and positive relationship with father and biological mother are good indicators for a successful relationship outcome”

(Reference: Ganong, L.H., Coleman, M. and Jamison, T., 2011. Patterns of stepchild–stepparent relationship development. Journal of Marriage and Family, 73(2), pp.396-413).

And i think someone had asked about a link to the thread about inheritance where the SM was asking how she could convince her DH to avoid paying inheritance to the SC – the thread seems to have gone missing i am afraid…it was a few months ago though.

And i think someone had asked about a link to the thread about inheritance where the SM was asking how she could convince her DH to avoid paying inheritance to the SC

Are you referring to the thread where the step mother was due to inherit a large sum from her parents, who barely knew who DSC who she'd met when they were older children and was wanting to discuss with her DH ringfencing it for their DC, her parents grandchildren?

Because if so, your description of that thread is incredibly simplistic and I imagine an attempt to make it sound far worse than it actually was looking at the facts.

Who barely knew her DSC**

@DuggyOnDown no it wasn't that one.

You never know how you'll feel until you're in the situation. Sane as with your own. It's very complicated in step families and totally acceptable to struggle. Lisa doodson explains all this in her book how to be a happy stepmum. Being shamed by other ppl only adds to the difficulty

I'd say ignore the hateful ignorant comments and take on board the helpful ones. If only there was a forum for the supportive helpful commenters. Maybe we could start one

It indicates a feeling of insecurity is all. As long as she can find a way to work on her stuff and not let it affect how she step parents it's ok to have feelings

@Cecil84

I'd say ignore the hateful ignorant comments and take on board the helpful ones. If only there was a forum for the supportive helpful commenters. Maybe we could start one

This was supposed to be it 😂

Shame doesn't seem like it at all ;) is anyone technical and organised able to or interested in starting up a nice and helpful support forum for people who want to actually be nice and supportive? I'm pants with tech and organisation otherwise I would.

I see your point but she's not said she won't change it. She's clearly here for advice which indicates wanting to improve it and make it better no? Yes the children should be no 1 of course but with good Comms and a team approach anything is possible. Talk to your other half op. And if they did live ft there that'd almost certainly be easier