My house my rules except when you're a step mum

[Dollyparton3]

Here's a corker.

Currently due to host Xmas day lunch for the in-laws and children. Adult DSD is working Xmas day (day shift)

DP asked the family for their consensus of what time they'd like me to serve lunch (I know, I'm fuming) and DSD has insisted everyone eats in the evening.

I've told DP I'll cook when it suits me and we always have lunch early afternoon.
I don't want to be cooking at 7:30 at night Xmas day and clearing up even later. MIL is now on her phone to DP telling me she'll cook nibbles all day to appease DSD.

I've told DP that DSD can have a plate of food left for her as it's her choice to work and MIl can eat when it served to her or else stay in her home. That's normal. Right?

Another stepmum here - although l would be the same if it was my dd, l would still want to do dinner in the afternoon.
YANBU it is your Christmas too and you should be able to sit and enjoy Christmas night and not have the meal prep hanging over you all day.

Very much so @Beamur you've nailed it. This entire family has failed to ask me what I'd prefer but expects me to fall into line and cater to it.

If it were me and I was working I'd tell the family to crack on, do what suits them and save me a plate.

But no we have a 20 year old yet again orchestrating the whole family and I'm sat at the back waiting for the opportunity to have an opinion.

For the lady who mentioned the room separation etc. We have a large open plan house and everyone uses the kitchen/diner/family room all day so there no segregation

@Wearywithteens

Op I just can’t get my head around these responses. You are not running a restaurant to be at everyone else’s whim! You are entitled to a Christmas Day of your own, so I say if you’re cooking, you get to call it. If they want dinner at some other time well let them cook.

Because she's a step mum. If she wasn't the majority of YABU wouldn't be ok here. Who the hell eats Christmas dinner at half 7. Also the SD an adult. Maybe time to realise the entire family isn't going to work around her schedule. No way would I serve Christmas dinner that late for anyone. Including my own kids. I certainly wouldn't expect it to be done for me.

@EnPoinsettia

Also WWDD? What would Dolly do?

Y’all know that one.

Ledge!

*on here

And yet you will be the baddie if you don't agree...
Ooh, I do feel for you.
Have a from me in stepmum solidarity. Have several

Well dh can accommodate his dc then. Buy him a nice pinny for Xmas.

Well DH is to blame because he asked, so let DH cook the meal.

Who is Dolly ? < misses point>

I think you’re being a bit harsh. When I’ve worked Christmas Day my family have changed things around so we could all be together. YANBU to say you want others to wash and tidy up since you’ll be cooking.

@Beamur thanks. Yep I will be the bad guy. I've had a shocker of a year and actually was looking forward to a few days off work and just tinkering about prepping. Cooking decorating etc. Just taking my mind off things you know?

So yes I'm feeling very peeved at this turning political but having no say. Or even being consulted. Suddenly it's not a nice day any more

@Santaisironingwrappingpaper

Well dh can accommodate his dc then. Buy him a nice pinny for Xmas.

@Santaisironingwrappingpaper I second that idea! 

Is your partner offering to cook? Or even help or clean up? I would feel a bit bad about any member of the family having to eat alone but at the same time he has been very high handed about you providing your services to everyone else's specification.

Mean? I suppose it was a bit. Sorry.
Mil seems to be trying hard to help, of course she wants to have dinner with her granddaughter.
If you’re really not willing or wanting to do it, don’t. Doing it, while leaving someone out, who is obviously a special person to your partner and his mum? I don’t think that’s cool

Let me share one of my shit step parent Christmases with you @Dollyparton3
I did pretty much all the wife work in the run up to Christmas, cards, presents, food, etc. I have 2 SC (who are lovely) and DD was quite little. My Mum always used to spend Christmas with us. Come Christmas day presents were unwrapped. DH and the SC's had not got a present for my Mum and the kids had not got anything for me either. I was furious with DP for being so thoughtless and lazy. He should have made that happen.
I didn't hide how disappointed I was in them all...

I'm a bit on the fence, TBH; personally I'd want to cook for when everyone was there, so would probably have already suggested to everyone that we have dinner rather than lunch. But I'd also resent my DP asking everyone else but me for their opinion on what time they'd like me to serve the food. I'm not a fucking private chef and I'd be telling DP that. Not that my actual DP would dream of doing anything like that...

As for clearing up after, why would it fall to you? The others can do it, either that evening or the next day.

Unless you’ve got young children who’d be tired, fractious and ready for bed before then, IMO YABU.

A later dinner needn’t be stressful at all. Plus, if you’re doing most of the prep and cooking, you make it crystal clear to everybody else that all the clearing up is down to them. Not that they should need telling!

If it was your DD and not step DD would you postpone the meal until she was home? I would for my DC.

That sounds familiar @Beamur.

I wouldn't mind but DP and his mother have a very testing relationship for 12 months of the year anyway because of DSD. MIl undermines DP at every step (even in lockdown

I would tell the in laws that, as requested by them, you’re eating at 7.30 and they should all now arrive around 6.00pm.

I don't see the big deal. I once travelled to my home country on Christmas Day (cheap flights and they only flew once a week). Family went out for a lovely Christmas meal every year which I missed due to my flight not being due in til late afternoon, by the time I got in it was in time for a 'light' dinner of left over Christmas ham in a bun at my gran's 😂. I lived.

You seem to be angry at DSD and MIL, but it was your DP that asked the question - presumably because he wants his DD to be there for Christmas dinner.
Let your DH pick up the brunt of the cooking and move on. It's not a great hill to choose to die on.

I really would rearrange IL’s coming then. If you’re eating in the evening they can come around then. And hand over cooking responsibilities to your H. He’s arranged the dinner schedule he can cater to it.

I’ve worked over festive seasons, I’ve never expected for the household to stop till I got back.
A plate of food and joining in the festivities is fine surely?