A reasonable request?

[Preggersandtired]

I'm due to have mine and DP's first baby early next year. He has 2 children aged 13 & 11. Would I be justified in expecting us to have at least say a week or so of just the 3 of us before the kids came over? I just think I'm going to be so tired and probably overwhelmed etc, so would be nice to have a little time to adjust ... Just wondered if this seems like a fair ask?

What is your usual contact arrangement?

perfectly reasonable.

OP it would be a nice thing to have a week just the 3 of you in my opinion. However, you are asking on MN .. forewarned you are going to be in the firing line ..

1. you know he has kids
2. they have every right to be at their house
3. they will be excited to see the baby
4. you cannot tell them not to come, how dare you!
5. if you had kids would you have them stay at their dads hime so that your now husband can spend time with baby- just the 3 of you ..

I am pretty sure some more issues will be brought up

Sorry but I think if the kids are excited to meet their new baby sibling then they shouldn't have to wait that long! Your DP could take baby to meet them if you don't feel up to it or they could just come over for an hour or so. I think it depends on the kind of relationship and contact you have with them now

If the DC lived with you full time you wouldn't send them away would you? Plenty of women have a baby when they have older DC , what's their normal routine of visiting? How does your DP feel? As they are slighter older they might be quite helpful with the new baby. How do they feel about the new baby?

I understand how you feel and it will depend on the birth etc but you've also got to be mindful that the DSC do not then feel pushed out and perceived as less important as that could open a whole new can of worms. If possible the normal contact pattern should remain and possibly even a visit from DSC as it is their sibling.

I would say yes but maybe let them visit just to meet there sibling first then have a week or so of down time and no visits. That way they get to be a part of it and you get time too! X

I think they should be the first to meet them. When we had dd ds stayed the full week with us so he could bond he wasn't send away.

Would you send them away if they were your kids? I thought not.

They should also meet the baby first.

Usual contact arrangement is every other weekend. I don't want them to feel pushed out but I do think I'll find it overwhelming.

@Hercwasonaroll

Would you send them away if they were your kids? I thought not.

They should also meet the baby first.

My own daughter will be staying with her Dad for a few days to allow us some time, yes.

Hmm I wonder of I could send my 2 kids away for a couple of weeks when I come home from the hospital with this third one.

@FlorenceNightshade

Sorry but I think if the kids are excited to meet their new baby sibling then they shouldn't have to wait that long! Your DP could take baby to meet them if you don't feel up to it or they could just come over for an hour or so. I think it depends on the kind of relationship and contact you have with them now

I had quite bad post natal depression after my daughter so I think I'd struggle for him to take the baby anywhere without me for the first week. I couldn't leave my daughter's side when she was born for at least the first month. I was quite unwell :(

Please let them have a brief visit to meet the baby as soon as possible . When my exh and his next wife had their first DC , my DC weren’t allowed to visit for a month . They were so upset .
Also , you won’t necessarily feel overwhelmed!

No that's not a fair ask.

It's your first baby, not his. He still has the same responsibilities to his older children after you've given birth that he had before.

Christ I'd hate to be those kids being told they can't come and see their dad and new sibling.

Having a baby was a choice you made with a man that already had children.

I get where you are coming from, I'm sure it would be nice, but parents, and that includes you as you chose a partner who has children, son't (or shouldn't, though men seem to shirk their responsibility far too often) have a choice as to whether they want to look after their existing kids just because they have a new one. Presumably their other parent doesn't have a choice to turn around and say no thanks I don't fancy having them this week? They are part of your family and the new baby's siblings, and they will start to resent you if they are pushed out because you wanted 'new family' time. I was going to say perhaps they could visit but not stay, but just read they only come every other weekend anyway... YABU.

Well if you had (or have) children would you want them to wait a week before meeting their sibling? I doubt it, I would at least let them meet the baby as soon as you can really, then say ok let’s have a week just us and settle the baby into home etc. At least then the kids aren’t dying to meet the baby and then life goes back to normal. They are 11 and 13 so a quick cuddle with the baby etc isn’t going to overwhelm you anymore than a normal visitor, would be different if they were 5 and 7 noisy running round etc. This is your partners moment too and he going to want his children to be part of it xx

I'm shocked you're sending your daughter away if she normally lives with you FT. This is a very odd set up.

@Sassysally12

Well if you had (or have) children would you want them to wait a week before meeting their sibling? I doubt it, I would at least let them meet the baby as soon as you can really, then say ok let’s have a week just us and settle the baby into home etc. At least then the kids aren’t dying to meet the baby and then life goes back to normal. They are 11 and 13 so a quick cuddle with the baby etc isn’t going to overwhelm you anymore than a normal visitor, would be different if they were 5 and 7 noisy running round etc. This is your partners moment too and he going to want his children to be part of it xx

That's a good idea to have an hour or so where they at least meet baby and then we can have some time together. Thanks for the suggestion:)

Yes take the week off. Like you said your daughter will be with her dad too. You’ll need to gear yourself up for visitors in times like these especially.

@Hercwasonaroll

I'm shocked you're sending your daughter away if she normally lives with you FT. This is a very odd set up.

I'm not sending her away, she goes to her dad's regularly anyway, so it won't feel any different to her necessarily. It's just because I really worried about how unwell I was last time after having her. I needed a lot of mental health support, it was a scary time. I don't want her to see me like that. I should have probably said that in the first post really.

You won't have any other visitors etc at the moment surely?

@BoulangerieBabs

No that's not a fair ask.

It's your first baby, not his. He still has the same responsibilities to his older children after you've given birth that he had before.

Christ I'd hate to be those kids being told they can't come and see their dad and new sibling.

Having a baby was a choice you made with a man that already had children.

It's not my first baby, it's my 2nd

They're not visitors though. They're her DPs children. Presumably it's his house too which makes it their home too (in a decent parents mind, anyway).

I would let all the siblings visit a few times over that week for an hour or so.

Will both Ex's be supportive of changing arrangements?

Your step DC are old enough to have explained to them that you were very unwell after you had your DD so you're planning on them coming for a few hours on x y z instead then contact will go back to EOW.

Be honest with them!