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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Being honest, would you be bothered about not seeing your SCs again if you and your partner split tomorrow?

624 replies

FlippidyFlop · 23/10/2020 13:39

Would you? I see this on here a lot when step children are being discussed 'you might not see them again if you and DH split tomorrow'

I just don't think I would personally. I get on perfectly well with them but it's just not something that would bother me if me and DH ever split.

OP posts:

malificent7 · 23/11/2020 00:10

Gutted

Komersantka · 24/11/2020 02:18

If they were ever in trouble or needed help, I'd help them and gladly whatever their ages in the future, whether I'm with their dad or not. It would be like that for a friend's kids if I'd spent a lot of time around them.

Would I care if I never saw them again though? No, not at all.

Newmum2020F · 24/11/2020 17:04

Nope not at all

Witchymclovely · 04/12/2020 16:53

God no! That’s y we would have split!

LouJ85 · 04/12/2020 21:20

In all honesty, no I wouldn't.

Lackofsleep123 · 07/12/2020 08:31

Nope, I wouldn't be bothered and would be thankful for not having to deal with certain elements anymore (pre teen and still badly soils pants / doesn't change them for days even when they're soiled. Honestly, I'm fed up of the extra cleaning I have to do on contact days at the moment on top of the general covid stuff) but know I would have to see them on occasion due to half siblings.

Nc135 · 07/12/2020 08:36

Having cooked dinner last night and my 16 year old DSC audibly turning his nose up - then no. Not really.

SittingStill · 07/12/2020 11:01

No, I wouldn't.

crossstitchingnana · 07/12/2020 13:56

I wonder in a lot of situations, where the poster is saying they wouldn't miss their SC if they split up, about the children's view? Would they miss you?

Nc135 · 07/12/2020 13:57

@crossstitchingnana nope

funinthesun19 · 07/12/2020 16:04

I wonder in a lot of situations, where the poster is saying they wouldn't miss their SC if they split up, about the children's view? Would they miss you?

I think it’s a mutual feeling in most cases. I’m totally fine with my former dsc not missing me.

We do see each other occasionally which is nice. Then we just carry on getting on with our own separate lives. If my children weren’t dsc’s half sibling then I doubt contact would remain between us both at all.

LouJ85 · 07/12/2020 16:18

I wonder in a lot of situations, where the poster is saying they wouldn't miss their SC if they split up, about the children's view? Would they miss you?

I highly doubt it in my case. I'm not massively involved in their lives to begin with, I'm just "dad's girlfriend" to them. I think anyway! I'd be very surprised if they said they would miss me.

SittingStill · 07/12/2020 19:15

@crossstitchingnana

I wonder in a lot of situations, where the poster is saying they wouldn't miss their SC if they split up, about the children's view? Would they miss you?

Probably not.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 07/12/2020 19:25

Dsd is 22 and i would absolutely continue to see her, she often jokes and has done since she was 14 that if her dad and i ever split then she would visit me not him! She has a great relationship with her half siblings so i would actively encourage that and id be devastated not to see her again.

DSS 18 has no interest in me or his half siblings and i dont have any real relationship with him which is a shame as we used to until his mums constant jibes and lies eventually got under his skin and now hes nearly an adult i cant be bothered to make the effort anymore so no i wouldn't see him again and id be glad, he is like a big black cloud when he visits and makes us all miserable.

Elfieishere · 07/12/2020 23:10

Wouldn’t be overly bothered. I think my Sc would miss me and if we had no contact I think she would get in contact at some point as an adult.

er1408 · 15/12/2020 21:16

Part of me thinks I should but the amount of anxiety I get everytime they come will go...

MiaMarshmallows · 20/12/2020 22:31

Would be devastated. I adore them and we will always keep in touch no matter what. They are family to me, always.

Brownlegs11 · 21/12/2020 07:24

I don’t think mine would stay in contact with me, not because I’m the wicked step mum, just because their mum has never made an effort to acknowledge me and I wouldn’t see the need. However I have only been in their lives 3 years and they are still primary school age. I would miss them, as I would miss my dp should we split but it would be short lived and I’m Sure I’d get over it.

However my step dad has been in my life for 30 years and had he split with my mum I would of stayed in contact from about 14 (I’m 39 now), he is a lovely man who has always loved us unconditionally (or made us feel that way even if he didn’t)
I hope my children end up with the same relationship with my dp that I had with my stay dad.
I’m not sure about step mum though, I’m not as close to her, to be honest I don’t keep that much contact with my dad and she struggled to accept us so never really had that kind of relationship

ZoomHell · 25/03/2021 09:10

No, I don't think I would tbh. I'm not entirely sure why, I get on with them great, they are nice kids but I honestly can't say I'd be bothered no.

DunravenBadger · 26/03/2021 04:10

Heck yes I'd be bothered. DH and I are actually having relationship struggles at the moment and one of the things I'm worried about it if we do split up, I'll never see DSD again. I've been in her life for 7 years, I'd be so upset to never talk to her or spend time with her again

gutful · 26/03/2021 06:46

Step mums can never win

You are either “playing happy families” and apparently being too nice

Or you don’t love them with every fibre of your being & labelled a monster

Buglette50 · 27/03/2021 10:15

I would like some advice please. I am partner to man with 2 DC age 16&14. I don’t have kids. Mother v wealthy so they are v spoilt and selfish & talk a lot about wealth & status. “Everyone at school knows we’re rich” “Why don’t you get a 4x4/ new iPhone” etc DP is permissive parent & thinks they’re gods although he recognises they are spoilt and “products of their environment”. We aren’t wealthy like the mother but OK. No flashy holidays & new cars every 3 years but not starving either. They really irritate me because of their snobby superior attitudes. Last Xmas I said they would have to buy dad a present using own pocket money & not mine. Presents for family members are bought for them. How do others manage stuff like this? NTS I Don’t miss them or look forward to seeing them! I need more zen/a mental barrier from them. Thank you!

Disgustedandfeelsick · 27/03/2021 21:54

They are the main reason we've split. I'm delighted to never have to see them again EVER! They're older and not small children. I was not a mean unkind step mother.

Dartsplayer · 27/03/2021 22:31

I can understand why a lot of stepmums feel like that from reading Mumsnet but I absolutely would carry on seeing my DSD but then she is 28 with 3 children of her own and I have been in her life since she was 11

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