Childcare impacting my plans

[mummycanihaveadrink]

To keep it brief we (I) have my SD for the summer holidays, and I'm getting pretty sick of it. I've been invited on various things which I can't do because I have to look after her during the day. My DH is home in the evenings, to me it seems pointless for her to come. I had pencilled in a date to go away with friends for a few day's, this now can't go ahead as SD is not going home on the previously arranged day, now a week later. I'm just sick of it. It's tricky as my DH can't take the time off or we will have no income as he is SE but I feel contact arrangements should not impact my life. I feel like saying I won't have her in the next half term but that then means we won't see her until Xmas. Not sure the point of writing this just a rant really.

Also on a separate note, I have name changed for this post but is it possible to get my old username back after? Thanks

@Mischance

They are not evil - they are just in a difficult situation.

Of course earning is not men's work exclusively - but it sounds as though in this instance there is a need for him to be at his work for the sake of the family finances.

Why are you disregarding the other points?

It’s interesting the way you keep insisting this is OPs responsibility, and not the child’s fathers.

I am not insisting that it is OP's responsibility - I absolutely understand why she is hacked off by the mother's unreasonable behaviour.

I am saying that for this child to feel she is an encumbrance and no-one wants to have her, when she has already had to cope with her parents splitting up is unacceptable.

It is down to the adults - all three of them - to sort this out so that she is not hurt by it. OP has married a man with children and they are now a team sharing the responsibilities together. The mother sounds like a waste of space (poor child) so OP and her OH need to find a way through this that does not leave the child damaged. It will probably involve both of them making sacrifices in some measure - but that is just how it is. They are the grownups; they have to sort it out, having as their goal the happiness of this child.

@Mischance it was all sounding good until the last paragraph, where you totally contradicted any suggestion of acceptance that this is not OPs responsibility. It is not the "three" of them, it is the two of them. Mum and dad. OPs primary goal is not required to be their child's happiness. She is an entirely separate person with her own priorities.

@Mischance

I am not insisting that it is OP's responsibility - I absolutely understand why she is hacked off by the mother's unreasonable behaviour.

I am saying that for this child to feel she is an encumbrance and no-one wants to have her, when she has already had to cope with her parents splitting up is unacceptable.

It is down to the adults - all three of them - to sort this out so that she is not hurt by it. OP has married a man with children and they are now a team sharing the responsibilities together. The mother sounds like a waste of space (poor child) so OP and her OH need to find a way through this that does not leave the child damaged. It will probably involve both of them making sacrifices in some measure - but that is just how it is. They are the grownups; they have to sort it out, having as their goal the happiness of this child.

You’re still ignoring that dad has responsibility here.

He can call around for holiday clubs

Do men not do childcare in your world?

The best way for this child to feel secure is to have her father step up for her

Leaving it to OP puts the child in the place you so fear.

That her parents simply do not care for her and see her as a burden

I’m shocked you can’t/refuse to see that