To not give my kids over 50/50

[FullTimeMummy1983]

Hi, name changed for this but regular on aibu etc. Dont know if this is the right place but will get moved if need too.
Me and exH separated 6 years ago, 4 kids 7-13. Since Corona and all that theyve been having 50 50 time with there dad and me, which was fine, I have a new partner etc. The kids started being upset when they came back here crying and stuff saying they wanted to stay at there dads more. So he spoke to me and said it was in the kids best interests moving forward to stick with 50/50. Before this it was about 40/50 with me.
Anyway so then he says he wont be paying me CMS anymore because of this and will go through CMS cos we'd just been doing it between ourselves until now. I didnt know that he shouldn't pay me anything if 50 50 is this true? I would really struggle without that money and he said I could think about getting a job, I've not worked since before DD13 was born, but i don't see how thats his business and i have some inheritance.
Then the kids have come back to mine and said they want 50 50 but I've told them that would be a bigger gap not seeing there dad cos 2 weeks straight. One of them said its cos he has an xbox at his dads which i just think is the real reason so ive bought him an xbox now for here. I dont want to not be available for my kids cos who would have them if there ill etc. We've gone back to 40/50 now and my ex is saying he'll go though mediation cos thats what the kids want??
Can my ex not pay if its 50 50?

@Rtmhwales i think thats right, why shouldnt it be done on what each parent earns??

So you don't have a learning disability, do you have a physical disability?

OP, gently:

I get that entering the workforce after 13 years must be quite scary. But it's only going to get scarier the longer you wait, and even if the support stayed the same, it would decrease within 5 years and end entirely in about a decade. It will be worse after 18-23 years out of the jobforce.

In the meantime, take advantage of community resources to help build your CV. There may well be a scheme in your area as wellperhaps some form of apprenticeship, even (plenty of mothers take on apprenticeships). Google CV stay at home momthere are some bad examples there, but some good ones. You can also consider volunteering 15-20 hours right now to build your CV and to make connections.

If you could have any job, what would you want it to be?

Or anxiety etc? I that why you feel you can't work because it's been so long?

This can't be real.

So a namechanger posts a thread in step parenting, which has all the single mother stereotypes that you can think of.
Utter goady bullshit. Either that or a reverse.

Thank you @Nancydrawn

When the kids are back at school he will need to do pick ups drop offs and homework is he prepared to do that or will his wife? 5 is very young to be making this decision based on lockdown and an xbox

Surely if your ex has the kids 50/50 you’ll be bored without a job anyway?

I understand it’s going to feel weird after a 13 year gap. But you’ll probably really enjoy having something outside of the children to do.

I told him if he is going to push for me to get a job so much he will have to have them full time

He's not pushing for you to get a job. He just wants his kids more and his kids want to see him more. And that means he likely won't owe you any maintenance. If you decide to hand over your kids full time, that's your choice. But it sounds an awful lot like cutting off your nose to spite your face. Plus you'll have to pay him CM.

If your youngest is 5, you'd be needing to get a job pretty soon anyway, surely?

Why on earth would you want him to have them full time if you have to work? This thread really is beyond me but I will try to help instead of criticising, theres lots of free courses to do online that could help you make a cv, how long since you have had a job? I think most 50/50 parents do either a rolling 3/4 day or 1 week here 1 week there so wouldn't go for 2 weeks between each, only the 2 parents are financially responsible for their own children it doesn't matter if one of you is married/living with someone else, if they do have a child though that would reduce maintenance too (if you were still getting any of course) you could look at spousal maintenance but I don't think that many actually manage to get that, he doesn't have to pay anything if you share custody 50/50, you would also need to split child benefit 50/50, I can tell your cross about this but your verging on cutting off your nose to spite your face, getting a job is not an unreasonable request, what is best for you isnt always what us best for your children and their needs must come first, if they want 50/50 you need to work towards that, if he takes you to court he will get 50/50, if he was to have them full time you will need to pay him maintenance.

I have a four year old, I have been a lone parent since he came to me at 18 months. I have always worked, what do you think other single parents do?

If you get a job and reduce your contact with your children you will need to give up all child related benefits and pay their dad maintenance. Your children will also grow up knowing they were an inconvenience to you.

Get a job and use childcare like every other parent. If you can google you can do it.

Christ - grow up and get a job

I went self employed cleaning to provide for my dc. I didn't expect my exh's new gf to support them..

Just remind him that means splitting bills associated with the kids 50/50 too like clothes, shoes, trainers, ppe kit, uniform, etc he will soon realise with 4 he is better off just paying you 250. Maybe start by outlining that he will need to pay then show him the billsfrom the last few months or year as to costs. Even at 50/50 its possible he may have to pay something if there is a big disparity in incomes/lifestyle

Actually I think the not paying thing is tricky. My children are with their dad 50/50 roughly & he doesn’t pay anything because of that. However I pay for both phones, all clubs they do, any subscriptions and buy 90% of their clothes and shoes. This doesn’t quite seem fair so if that’s the situation you are in then it is worth a conversation about how you will split outgoings like that.
But if you can’t manage without the maintenance then you really are going to have to get a job.

Just remind him that means splitting bills associated with the kids 50/50 too like clothes, shoes, trainers, ppe kit, uniform, etc he will soon realise with 4 he is better off just paying you 250. Maybe start by outlining that he will need to pay then show him the billsfrom the last few months or year as to costs.

He seems to have the kids a lot I'm fairly sure he's not so thick he doesn't realise they need clothes and shoes. Jesus.

I’m not sure if this is a wind up

Oh we cross posted RB68.

This has to be a pisstake.

@ladygracie so you need to stand up for yourself and get a better arrangement. That's got nothing to do with the OP.

@FullTimeMummy1983 what did you do for work before your eldest was born? And if you send them to live with their dad full time you do know you'd pay him maintenance?!

Why would they need to live there full time for you to work? That's crazy

My god I hope this is a wind up you, sound awful!
To answer your question, if you have a 50/50 arrangement you are not entitled to any CMS. Ridiculous that you think your ex’s new partner should pay for your kids! Stop scrounging and get a job!

You utter scrounger.

Sponging off the State, your ex AND his wife who has no reason to fund your life!

What does everyone mean about name changing did I miss it?

@TrustTheGeneGenie literally the first line of the OP