To not give my kids over 50/50

[FullTimeMummy1983]

Hi, name changed for this but regular on aibu etc. Dont know if this is the right place but will get moved if need too.
Me and exH separated 6 years ago, 4 kids 7-13. Since Corona and all that theyve been having 50 50 time with there dad and me, which was fine, I have a new partner etc. The kids started being upset when they came back here crying and stuff saying they wanted to stay at there dads more. So he spoke to me and said it was in the kids best interests moving forward to stick with 50/50. Before this it was about 40/50 with me.
Anyway so then he says he wont be paying me CMS anymore because of this and will go through CMS cos we'd just been doing it between ourselves until now. I didnt know that he shouldn't pay me anything if 50 50 is this true? I would really struggle without that money and he said I could think about getting a job, I've not worked since before DD13 was born, but i don't see how thats his business and i have some inheritance.
Then the kids have come back to mine and said they want 50 50 but I've told them that would be a bigger gap not seeing there dad cos 2 weeks straight. One of them said its cos he has an xbox at his dads which i just think is the real reason so ive bought him an xbox now for here. I dont want to not be available for my kids cos who would have them if there ill etc. We've gone back to 40/50 now and my ex is saying he'll go though mediation cos thats what the kids want??
Can my ex not pay if its 50 50?

I’m sorry OP but you have a cheek. This gets mentioned a lot on here and I can’t believe it your ex’s partner or wife (doesn’t matter) shouldn’t have to fund your kids why should she? She may have we own! Even if she doesn’t its not the point

You should get a job in all honesty and fund your 4 kids!
Your lucky your ex has his kids so you could work when he has them.

Get a bloody job , you are only interested in that so go and earn it. If your ex's partner you think could contribute why can't your current partner give you the £250

If your ex and his wife can manage 50/50 while working then so can you and your partner.

She looks after them when hes working from home and she isnt so she has a hand in there life

What’s that got to do with her income?

How do you think other people get jobs. I work back to back to my dh which enables me to do school runs.

My bf income doesnt come into it because we dont live together, they do. Anyway I was just asking and now I know so thats fine, I dont agree but its fine

Why doesn't it work for the kids you getting a job?

You get a job by searching online, asking around locally or (wait for it, this is really going to blow your mind........) going to the job centre

You're massively entitled. What do you do all day when the dc are at school? What's going to be you're goal going forward when they leave school? You will lose any child related benefits when they get to a certain age.

What don’t you agree with?

And why does your ex need to help you find a job? How did you go about finding your previous job(s) and why can’t you lean on your boyfriend rather than your ex?

Why don't you agree? he doesn't have to fund you! Are you really almost 40 and refusing to work?

GET A JOB. What are you going to do when your kids are adults and you don't get any money from him? It will be much harder for you to get a job then. You're kids are crying because they want to spend more time with their dad. You should respect their wishes.

50 50 means he wouldn't have to pay as you're both having the children live with you equally.

Usually its 1 week each alternating so it wouldn't have to be 2 weeks until they are their dad again.

Getting a job would get you the money you lose in child maintenance.

As for the time with their dad, they want it! So does he....why do they usually only get school nights with their dad? That's really sad

Your kid doesn't need 2 X BOXES!!!

If you can afford an X box, you can do without £250

Obviously you will still have to share expenses with each other - is he going to provide all clothes, shoes, presents for parties, toiletries, school uniform - EVERYTHING while they're at his?

If not, he should

You not being able to manage with out his money is irrelevant. You should be supporting 50% of the cost of your children and the father the other 50%. If he does that by having them 50% of the time then great.

Why should his wifes money be taken into account? Its not her responsibility to fund your children. You say you have a partner - are their wages taken into account? No, because they shouldn't be.

You need to get a job which will be easier if the children are at their dads half the time. You need to work a time so that it works for childcare ie am monday to am Wednesday (so three before schools childcare and 2 after school) and pm wed to friday pm
(So two before school and 3 after school childcare) then alternative weekends. The children never go so long without seeing either parent and you can find a job that either fits around school or you only have to pay childcare for fixed days.

Yes, if you have 50/50 then no CMS would be paid either direction and you would have to work out who claims child benefit or if you split it.

What are you doing for the 2 weeks they're at his

Check the CMS calculator. It is not correct that 50 50 always means no maintenance is payable.

However, you also need to get a job to support yourself.

People like you OP give mothers a bad name honestly. You sound like a proud scrounger I mean you don’t want anybody to question you and your laziness but you expect us to encourage you to sponge from your ex and his GF because they live together. It’s not your business if they live together. Gosh I can’t believe your cheek to post this.... I’m embarrassed for you.

You've got to be on a wind up surely?

OP, are you my DH ExW? 😂

You can't be arsed getting a job but expect your Exes partner to pay for your kids? Your stopping contact your kids want, because you don't want to lose out on money. Have you considered their mental health and emotional well being at all before seeing pound signs?

This post has to be a wind up 🤦🏼‍♀️

[quote FullTimeMummy1983]@AllsortsofAwkward because they have two incomes i dont see why it's not taken into account. She looks after them when hes working from home and she isnt so she has a hand in there life[/quote]
Now assuming they haven't been coerced into thinking this way, yabu.

You have a partner, so presumably could also have a dual income? NW income is as irrelevant as your partners income.

With 5050,he could claim the child benefit also. On occasions you can still get maintenance, but in your scenario, it does seem as though your basic reasoning is you don't wish to work and believe that he should pick up the slack. And that's unreasonable.

If you cannot manage with the reduced maintenance your options are:
1 Work
2 Sell things and downsize, reducing outgoings such as sky, (and stop trying to buy your children with games consoles that is your maintenance money out of the window)
3 fight it out in court and potentially have the children hate you for not listening to their pov

So you don't work.. And the father has them half the time. So what exactly are you doing when the children aren't with you??? Sat on your arse? You really need a job. Most of us don't actually enjoy working but hey its something that we need to do to support ourselves and our children. What makes you any different that you think you don't need to earn your own money?

Your kids are school age and are at their dads 50% of the time, what are you doing when they're not with you? It's not hard to apply for a part time job in a super market or a shop. 16 year olds do it. Why does he need to fund you. Seriously get some independence it will be better for you and your kids.

And if your usual arrangement is 40/50 where are they the other 10% of the time?

You've got loads of time to work