To not give my kids over 50/50

[FullTimeMummy1983]

Hi, name changed for this but regular on aibu etc. Dont know if this is the right place but will get moved if need too.
Me and exH separated 6 years ago, 4 kids 7-13. Since Corona and all that theyve been having 50 50 time with there dad and me, which was fine, I have a new partner etc. The kids started being upset when they came back here crying and stuff saying they wanted to stay at there dads more. So he spoke to me and said it was in the kids best interests moving forward to stick with 50/50. Before this it was about 40/50 with me.
Anyway so then he says he wont be paying me CMS anymore because of this and will go through CMS cos we'd just been doing it between ourselves until now. I didnt know that he shouldn't pay me anything if 50 50 is this true? I would really struggle without that money and he said I could think about getting a job, I've not worked since before DD13 was born, but i don't see how thats his business and i have some inheritance.
Then the kids have come back to mine and said they want 50 50 but I've told them that would be a bigger gap not seeing there dad cos 2 weeks straight. One of them said its cos he has an xbox at his dads which i just think is the real reason so ive bought him an xbox now for here. I dont want to not be available for my kids cos who would have them if there ill etc. We've gone back to 40/50 now and my ex is saying he'll go though mediation cos thats what the kids want??
Can my ex not pay if its 50 50?

@schoolsoutforcovid oh god I thought you meant like posted under two names on this thread! Ha!

Just remind him that means splitting bills associated with the kids 50/50 too like clothes, shoes, trainers, ppe kit, uniform, etc he will soon realise with 4 he is better off just paying you 250. Maybe start by outlining that he will need to pay then show him the billsfrom the last few months or year as to costs.

Maybe OP should be reminded that if she can't manage without his £250 a month, she certainly can't afford to buy an Xbox at the first sign of the kids wanting to see more of their dad. I'm not sure he's the naive one here.

50/50 means no maintenance.
Also his wife's money wouldn't be taken into account, it only uses dads money as she isn't the parent? I don't see why that confuses you? Why should she be paying you to look after your own children when she isn't related to them other than marriage? 🧐

ITS NOT MADE UP!!!! And i dont know what a reverse is!!!! i came on here for support and advise not to be dragged

You see your ex as a cash cow and are using your kids as a means to get money to save you getting a job. Its not his responsibility to fund you sitting on your ass. Go and get a job and fund your own lifestyle and if your kids want 5050 let them.

@TrustTheGeneGenie OP said she’s regular on here but she’s changed her name for this most.

So OP has some awareness of not wanting to be known...

What strikes me here, is that you are not putting your children's needs first. You're not even taking their needs into consideration. It's all about what suits you best. You want the money and you don't want to work.
Your children have the right to have a relationship with their father as much as they have a relationship with you. 50/50 is the ideal starting point when couples split. It's not always possible but it sounds like it is in your case.
Put your kids first. If that means you lose £250 per month then a part-time job will make that up easily.

Well then 'fulltimemummy' you sound awful.

You're not entitled to any maintenance at 50/50

...why would you be ??

You have the children equal amounts and would pay for costs on your own time.

Your comment about him having to have then full time for you to get a job is a bit because you would then be having to pay HIM maintenance.

At the end of the day, you either let your children go for 50/ 50 because that's what they want or you let them resent you for a measly 250 a month so you can sit in your arse

@FullTimeMummy1983You haven't got a cv because you don't wish to be emoloyable.

There are lots of jobs you must be capable of, cleaning as a starting point, you presumably are a whizz at?

You could alsovolubteer to build up a cv.

Your benefits will only be impacted if you lose the child benefit.

Losing the maintenance won't make any difference to the benefits.

I don't understand your reluctance to wanting to work to provide for your children.

Do you live with your partner?

Seriously having read through all this thread. I think you're a little insane. You shouldn't expect your ex to be funding your life style. Allow him the children 50/0 then find yourself a job. You aren't entitled to his money just because you birthed his children.

What advice did you want op?

How much is an XBox?

You will save a lot by not having to spend on them so much. He pays for their school lunches/half of all costs for uniform/clothes/food.
You can probably still get universal credit/child tax credit for them all. Just make sure you stay the main carer on that claim.
For a job, think about what works best for you in terms of childcare. Every other week might be difficult unless you agree to share the cost of the afterschool club. You might be better off with regular days.

Pretty sure she wanted someone to tell her that her ex is legally bound to provide for her financially for the rest of her life so that she doesn't have to work.

OP, are you actually just really anxious about having to get a job after years of not working? Be honest because then you can get help. If your children want to spend more time with their father and you block it because you can't be arsed working/want more money, then trust me your children will end up hating you by the time they're adults.

You're not answering any questions but want us to support you I'm bleeding your ex and the state dry? Ok then.

Why can't you work? There are lots of jobs and you'd get a lot more than £250

What advice and support do you need?
If it's a 50/50 split he doesnt need to give you any money.
You dont want to work but expect his partner to support your children?
Why cant you work?
Obviously things are different at the moment but could you volunteer in a charity shop? That would give you great experience and a reference. Your youngest child is at school now you could work some hours.
Surely a week on a week off would be much better for the children? Or sun- wed with one and then wed to sun with the other if the split was more structured then you could find a job around that.
You cant expect him and an inheritance to support you forever.

OP I really think it would help you to work on building respect for yourself. You've been divorced for 6 years, but you're still reliant on your ex and an inheritance, so again, someone else's money. I don't mean it unkindly, but why don't you have any motivation to earn your own money? I understand school hours can be difficult, but many single mothers make it work. You could set-up a small business - cleaning, dog walking, caring, freelance work etc and can then control your own hours, if any other kind of work really isn't possible. Your attitude of 'work isn't for me,' 'I don't have a CV', 'I'll rely on other people to fund my life' surely isn't what you want to teach your children? It certainly won't be easy, but small steps could build a new life for you.

1. His wife is not financially responsible for your kids. You and your ex are.

1. Which leads me to point 2 quite well. If the kids want 50 50 and so does he but you dont want to lose money then GET A JOB and financially pay for your kids like everyone else.

1. For you to say you dont want the kids doing 50 50 because you lose money I'd downright disgusting.

Pay for your own responsibilities instead of expecting everyone else to. Jesus.

[quote FullTimeMummy1983]@AllsortsofAwkward because they have two incomes i dont see why it's not taken into account. She looks after them when hes working from home and she isnt so she has a hand in there life[/quote]
So you want a slice of your ex's partner's wage so you don't have to go out to work yourself? Fucking hell. And WTF difference does it make whether his partner has kids or not?! Either way she doesn't owe you anything.

Often when people on benefits get called scroungers on these threads, I find myself feeling they're getting an unfair pasting as people often have no choice – if they are trying to find work and not succeeding, that is. I think this is the first time I have ever come away feeling, well yeah actually, this person does have a scrounging mentality. Read back over your posts if you can't see why. You just come across like you're not remotely interested in trying, so why should other people be expected to subsidise your life?

If by saying you have no CV you mean no job history so you feel you won't be employed, as others have pointed out, there are still jobs you could do unless there are other circumstances such as health problems which you've not mentioned here.

Op said she hadn't worked since eldest was born so presumably she's had a job before.

Haven't got a CV - write one
Haven't got experience - get some
Will be on the bones of your arse if you lose £57.00 a week - get a fucking job.

Hi OP, it sounds like you're really lacking confidence about getting a job. Would you consider working in a supermarket? They are desperate for staff at the moment, the hours are usually flexible and you'd gain skills to help you develop a CV. There are many free online courses giving advice too. If your children went to live with your ex full time, and you worked, you'd have to pay him maintenance you know. X

Are you also known as Girly86 by any chance?