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Step-parenting

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Original poster

To not give my kids over 50/50

323 replies

FullTimeMummy1983 · 07/06/2020 21:08

Hi, name changed for this but regular on aibu etc. Dont know if this is the right place but will get moved if need too.
Me and exH separated 6 years ago, 4 kids 7-13. Since Corona and all that theyve been having 50 50 time with there dad and me, which was fine, I have a new partner etc. The kids started being upset when they came back here crying and stuff saying they wanted to stay at there dads more. So he spoke to me and said it was in the kids best interests moving forward to stick with 50/50. Before this it was about 40/50 with me.
Anyway so then he says he wont be paying me CMS anymore because of this and will go through CMS cos we'd just been doing it between ourselves until now. I didnt know that he shouldn't pay me anything if 50 50 is this true? I would really struggle without that money and he said I could think about getting a job, I've not worked since before DD13 was born, but i don't see how thats his business and i have some inheritance.
Then the kids have come back to mine and said they want 50 50 but I've told them that would be a bigger gap not seeing there dad cos 2 weeks straight. One of them said its cos he has an xbox at his dads which i just think is the real reason so ive bought him an xbox now for here. I dont want to not be available for my kids cos who would have them if there ill etc. We've gone back to 40/50 now and my ex is saying he'll go though mediation cos thats what the kids want??
Can my ex not pay if its 50 50?

OP posts:
Bollss · 07/06/2020 21:47

Blimey op.

No he doesn't have to pay if it's 50/50.

A lot of women work whilst their kids go to school. Me included!

You shouldn't need his help to get a job!

Bathbedandbeyond · 07/06/2020 21:48

If the kids want more time with him, then you should consider it based on what’s right for them and not based on your financial situation.

Original poster
FullTimeMummy1983 · 07/06/2020 21:48

She doesnt have any of her own!!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 07/06/2020 21:50

So?

Nymeriastark1 · 07/06/2020 21:50

"She doesn't have any of her own!!"
And?

copycopypaste · 07/06/2020 21:51

No of course he doesn't have to pay if it's 50/50, and quite frankly if you can't afford that then you do need to look at going back to work. Child maintenance is for the dc, not to maintain a standard of living for you.

lunar1 · 07/06/2020 21:51

It sounds like you only want more time with them so he has to pay you. Get a job like the rest of us!

QWeRTY12340 · 07/06/2020 21:53

Good work op... 😂

schoolsoutforcovid · 07/06/2020 21:54

Well now we know you're not real

Paperchainpopp · 07/06/2020 21:54

Hahahahaha I agree this must be a wind up hence the name change.

I know before I had my DC I wouldn’t of been willing to fund any man with one child never mind 4. Your boyfriend needs to do it get him to move in @FullTimeMummy1983.

There’s plenary of single mothers that work without the support of the child’s father. It’s life. Has the current climate not taught you anything? Do you not consider what you will do as the kids get older?

Original poster
FullTimeMummy1983 · 07/06/2020 21:54

Ive read back and got the days wrong the original thing we agreed was him having them every tuesday to wednesday and every other tursday to Monday so a long weekend every other week.
I told him if he is going to push for me to get a job so much he will have to have them full time. I can't find any stuff on the internet about what would happen to my benefits etc if that happened so will call slmewhere tomorrow.
I dont appreciate being called a scrounger, if you can work thats fine but it wont work for me ive got no cv

OP posts:
StealthMama · 07/06/2020 21:54

Your ex-dh wife has no responsibility whatsoever for your children. Her finances are her finances.

If ex-dh has them 50% of their time then you are not entitled to any maintenance. This is because you each parent for 50% of the time so you both have to fund them 50% or the part where they are with you.

If it does go ahead you will clearly to find a way to be financially independent. but it sounds like you are getting £250 is that a week or a month? Either way, you'll need to source an income.

Nymeriastark1 · 07/06/2020 21:56

I'm starting to think this isn't real 😂 no one is this entitled surely.

WyfOfBathe · 07/06/2020 21:56

So you think their stepmum should have to pay for them, but their mum (you) shouldn't? Why?

Bollss · 07/06/2020 21:57

I told him if he is going to push for me to get a job so much he will have to have them full time

You'll have to pay him maintenance then.

ComeTheFuck0nBridget · 07/06/2020 21:57

There's plenty of jobs that people can get with no work experience, you could also speak to the job centre or do some short courses or volunteer in the short term to bulk it up too. You sound very lazy. What do you think all other working parents do when their children are ill? They make it work, because they have to.

Bollss · 07/06/2020 21:57

@Nymeriastark1

I'm starting to think this isn't real 😂 no one is this entitled surely.
Oh I dunno you've not met my dps ex! If this was 8 years ago I'd think it was her!
wishingforapositiveyear · 07/06/2020 21:58

Make a cv then all over google easy templates. Your youngest is 13 FFS can let themselves in after school till you have finished work.

Paperchainpopp · 07/06/2020 21:59

I’m sorry but have you got some type of learning difficulty? This is not normal OP. It’s not a car of if I can. Some of us are the sole bread winner and I’ve always had fab work ethic from 16. I want my child to know it’s important to earn and pay your way in life.

You can do a night job? You can pay for a template online and make a CV. Google jobs in your area. You clearly can’t be arsed.

WyfOfBathe · 07/06/2020 22:00

I told him if he is going to push for me to get a job so much he will have to have them full time

You think that he's capable of working and looking after DC, but you can only do one or the other? What makes you different from him - and from every other working parent in the country?

if you can work thats fine but it wont work for me ive got no cv

Time to start building your CV then. What were your plans for once your DC were too old to claim child maintenance?

OneMoreLight · 07/06/2020 22:00

You've got no CV? So write one, everyone has to start somewhere!

Also volunteer somewhere in school hours so you get experience. Then you have something to put on it.

Original poster
FullTimeMummy1983 · 07/06/2020 22:01

No I do not have a learning disability and thats fucking rude. This is not made up either and i dont appreciate it being made out to be when I came here asking for help i thought this was a place of support.
As for those saying about my kids wanting it, they dont know what they want and after being at mine for 15 mins there fine.

OP posts:
Rtmhwales · 07/06/2020 22:02

I wish I was back in the U.K.

In Canada even when it's 50/50 it's based on discrepancy in income so even though we have the step children 50/50 DP gets to pay his EXW £415 per month for the privilege.

copycopypaste · 07/06/2020 22:02

If he has them full time he'll get the child maint and you'll have to pay him Grin

I don't see it as him pushing you to get a job, surely you'll push yourself to get a job.

Oh, and write a cv ffs.

Colouringaddict · 07/06/2020 22:02

Sorry but I call BS!