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Original poster

To not give my kids over 50/50

323 replies

FullTimeMummy1983 · 07/06/2020 21:08

Hi, name changed for this but regular on aibu etc. Dont know if this is the right place but will get moved if need too.
Me and exH separated 6 years ago, 4 kids 7-13. Since Corona and all that theyve been having 50 50 time with there dad and me, which was fine, I have a new partner etc. The kids started being upset when they came back here crying and stuff saying they wanted to stay at there dads more. So he spoke to me and said it was in the kids best interests moving forward to stick with 50/50. Before this it was about 40/50 with me.
Anyway so then he says he wont be paying me CMS anymore because of this and will go through CMS cos we'd just been doing it between ourselves until now. I didnt know that he shouldn't pay me anything if 50 50 is this true? I would really struggle without that money and he said I could think about getting a job, I've not worked since before DD13 was born, but i don't see how thats his business and i have some inheritance.
Then the kids have come back to mine and said they want 50 50 but I've told them that would be a bigger gap not seeing there dad cos 2 weeks straight. One of them said its cos he has an xbox at his dads which i just think is the real reason so ive bought him an xbox now for here. I dont want to not be available for my kids cos who would have them if there ill etc. We've gone back to 40/50 now and my ex is saying he'll go though mediation cos thats what the kids want??
Can my ex not pay if its 50 50?

OP posts:
Happynow001 · 12/06/2020 16:28

You know I really thought "this women is lazy, greedy, a poor mother" and really has no clue but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt as have, I think, the majority of the responders.

But as time has gone on and the OP is giving just enough to keep people contributing I've finally come to the conclusion that she's just a wind up merchant with noting better to during lockdown, having fun at our expense.

I wouldn't be surprised if this thread was pulled shortly by MNHQ as have a couple of others in the last day or so.

Bye OP. Have a nice life.

GertrudeCB · 12/06/2020 17:11

Wow.

Redred2429 · 12/06/2020 22:22

Op what will you do when your kids are older and there is no maintenance?

tenlittlecygnets · 12/06/2020 22:33

because as I said to ex thats when i do my food shopping and if i have appointment etc

When do you think working parents shop and have their hair done?! After work, huh?

What do you do every day with no dc at home?

cherish123 · 12/06/2020 22:49

If it's 50/50 you split the costs. You might feel you "need" the money but it's for the kids (if you have them most of the time -as you don't you are not entitled to money). It's not your ex's job to fund you.

giggly · 12/06/2020 22:56

Have you ever worked OP or have you always used the excuse of having children to freeload and scrounge off the rest of us working parents and in my case lone parent with 2 dc one with SN who manage to combine working full time and raise our kids.
Are you just bone idleHmm

Parmavioletmum · 12/06/2020 23:16

Wow.... It is very very clear that your children are not your priority in the slightest. You need to take a good look at yourself op and actually get a reality check.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 13/06/2020 00:41

OP if the DC are at their dads 50% of the time why can't you do your food shopping in the evening when they are there? If you had a job that was school hours you would be abl to go shopping/ have your hair done etc any time after 3pm when they're at their dads.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 13/06/2020 05:21

There are still families where the husband brings in the money and the wife stays at home and raises the children. I think this mindset is hard to get out of if that's how you've been raised.

I don't know the OP's background but I suspect she has never properly lived fully independent of her parents and then her husband.

I suspect she'd benefit more from more understanding of where she's coming from and simple, clear advice rather than remarks about how entitled, selfish, lazy and unreasonable she's coming across as.

SD1978 · 13/06/2020 05:41

I'm really hoping not a reverse. But given your children are older, and have requested 50/50 there needs should be the focus. There is no reason for you hit to get a job, and why doesn't it have to be 2 weeks on and not weekly like it is for most families?

Makesmilingyourbesthobby · 13/06/2020 06:05

If time is split 50/50 then no parent has to pay maintenance to the other, as costs are split 50/50 between the two parents, if you was to agree to 50/50 you would have more time spare to do your shopping and appointments then and more time to work, I think 50/50 sounds like a positive thing for all involved, from all you have said, even for yourself as you would have more spare time to work because as you have said yourself you working doesn't fit with the kids, which certainly isn’t true many parents manage to work and care for their children, & as a able adult you should be supporting yourself and to be honest I think it will do you all the world of good, best advice i can give is try and work out a 50/50 shared care that works the best for you all, one where children aren't moving back and for homes to much, one that works for the children’s schooling, one where the children aren’t away from one parent for along time and one that works for you and the DC’s father for you both to work and both spend time with your DC, none of your ex’s money is yours now you receive money from him now to support your children because you care for them more than half the time not to support yourself you should be doing that.

BilboBercow · 13/06/2020 07:41

This is got to be a reverse

FuchsiaFox · 13/06/2020 10:26

it have to be 2 weeks on and not weekly like it is for most families?

I imagine it has to be 2 weeks on as that makes it as less appealing to the children as possible... and is again a way to try and discourage the children from wanting 50/50

CJsGoldfish · 13/06/2020 13:05

I dont appreciate being called a scrounger, if you can work thats fine but it wont work for me ive got no cv

This cannot be real.
On the offchance it is, OP you are a scrounger of the highest order.
Buying that xbox was point scoring, you know it and we know it. A pathetic attempt to manipulate your child. You do not care one bit what is actually best for your children, or what they want. It's all about the money.
You give single parents a bad name and I hope your children win out here.

Crustaceans · 13/06/2020 13:25

I suspect she'd benefit more from more understanding of where she's coming from and simple, clear advice rather than remarks about how entitled, selfish, lazy and unreasonable she's coming across as.

I think the OP threw away any chance if sympathy because her attitude clearly does stink (she chose to post in step parenting about how her ex’s partner should be paying her maintenance because she doesn’t see why she should have to work), and especially since she seems to have no care about what her children want. In fact, one of them outright refused to go back to their mum’s house and another went under duress and was clearly upset. You’d think that would be your priority, not the money.

From the sounds of it, the children are already electing to have more time with their dad anyway. If I were the OP, I’d be asking myself why that was. I doubt it’s about whether there’s an Xbox or not.

Isthisit22 · 14/06/2020 07:41

You need to stop focusing on whether people are going to make you get a job and think about reality.

Your children will at some point get to 18 and you will get no money for them.

Do you want to be living in poverty when you're older?

Better to get a job now and ease yourself back in.
No one can 'make you get a job' but they can stop paying you money for nothing.

TazSyd · 14/06/2020 13:40

What are you going to do about a pension OP?

ZombieFan · 14/06/2020 20:00

If you go into mediation with answers like you have given on this thread you will be eaten alive.
And yes you will 'politely' be advised to get a job.

stepmumwarwick91 · 16/06/2020 20:15

I feel like I'm a little late to this but OP I really hope you see this and take some advice from a 'step mum' watching a similar situation unfold.
Firstly, I've not bothered reading most of you trying to defend yourself because you shouldn't.
Secondly, I am extremely unbiased when it comes to my own situation so I'm going to approach yours the same.

  1. Stop while you're ahead of yourself. It is your business whether you have a job but it is not your ex partners responsibility to pay for your lifestyle. Maintenance is for your children and your children alone.
  1. Both your lives are about your children, not you, not your partner and not money. It is your children's happiness and what they need in life.
  1. It's pretty sad that you had to buy your son an Xbox to keep him at home, he's played you for a complete fool in that sense and I'm sure he would've gotten over not having one at yours. You've just shown him he can play you off against his dad.
  1. My partner pays his ex waaay too much money, he has the kids 50/50 (although she can't count) and she gets the child benefit and he still pays her... he pays for everything when we have them, he pays for their care, runs them places and just does things a parent should do.

You are being extremely unreasonable.

Put yourself in his position, you are a father of children who's mother thinks she's in the right just because she gave birth to them. You've paid your way to her to keep her happy to avoid arguments but when you've had enough she gets selfish because you know it's not about the children it's about the money. How angry does that make you feel?

I'm not having a go, I'm not being nasty, I don't know you I don't know your ex BUT before you expect things because you feel entitled as a mother, take a step back and see that you are extremely lucky to have a man that may have walked away from you but not his children and that is what is called a father.

SlothRunner · 16/06/2020 20:36

Vicky Pollard is that you?

kissmysass · 16/06/2020 20:53

The long and short of it is that if your ex doesn't like the outcome of mediation (or even if he does but wants a formal agreement) he can still apply to court. If a court awards 50/50 residency then he won't pay a penny in CMS.

All he needs is that child arrangement order stating 50/50.

A judge, if your ex decides to pursue it to court, will take an extremely dim view on you not allowing 50/50 if that's what the kids want just because you will need to get a job to support yourself without CMS. A judge will also not care that it was him who wanted a divorce, nor will they care why he wanted a divorce.

NowSissyThatWalk · 17/06/2020 10:32

Get. A. Job.

xmummy2princesx · 17/06/2020 10:34

I really hope this isn’t real!!

NowSissyThatWalk · 17/06/2020 11:00

@xmummy sadly I think it must be, or would have been taken down by now. These people walk among us, not in the droves the daily mail would like us to believe, but they are certainly there.

lyralalala · 19/06/2020 02:05

@FullTimeMummy1983

Will mediation tell me to work?
Mediation won't be remotely interested in if you work or don't work; same with family court when you inevitably end up there.

That is about working out where your children live and how they split their time. They are only interested in the children, what they want and what is best for them