To not give my kids over 50/50

[FullTimeMummy1983]

Hi, name changed for this but regular on aibu etc. Dont know if this is the right place but will get moved if need too.
Me and exH separated 6 years ago, 4 kids 7-13. Since Corona and all that theyve been having 50 50 time with there dad and me, which was fine, I have a new partner etc. The kids started being upset when they came back here crying and stuff saying they wanted to stay at there dads more. So he spoke to me and said it was in the kids best interests moving forward to stick with 50/50. Before this it was about 40/50 with me.
Anyway so then he says he wont be paying me CMS anymore because of this and will go through CMS cos we'd just been doing it between ourselves until now. I didnt know that he shouldn't pay me anything if 50 50 is this true? I would really struggle without that money and he said I could think about getting a job, I've not worked since before DD13 was born, but i don't see how thats his business and i have some inheritance.
Then the kids have come back to mine and said they want 50 50 but I've told them that would be a bigger gap not seeing there dad cos 2 weeks straight. One of them said its cos he has an xbox at his dads which i just think is the real reason so ive bought him an xbox now for here. I dont want to not be available for my kids cos who would have them if there ill etc. We've gone back to 40/50 now and my ex is saying he'll go though mediation cos thats what the kids want??
Can my ex not pay if its 50 50?

50/50 not money is exchanged in our situation and his partners money is not taken into account.

It really upsets me when mums think that they are entitled to the DP wage being the stepparent in our household.

You won't be able to claim UC if you have more than 16k savings. You need to get a job, not only for the Money also to get you back out into the real world. Why should he support you ?

Get a job, your children are of school age. Why should your husband pay you money when he does exactly the same amount of parenting that you do, and I'm assuming he works?

Why on earth do you expect other people to subsidise your life when you just cant be arsed to WORK.

Will mediation tell me to work?

Everyone saying 50-50 = no maintenance, is incorrect. May be the case in some situations but not all. OP you'll have to run a CMS calculator as nobody on here can say one way or the other without knowing all your and ex's personal details.

@FullTimeMummy1983 no one can tell you that for sure. Out of interest, what are your qualifications/skills, what did you do before you had kids? Could you take shifts in a shop, or supermarket etc, around school times?

I worked in a nursery for a bit, the same one as DD but it got too much cos she was always upset I wasnt with her so I quit.
Ive been on the cms calculator and it says he should still pay money but then other stuff is saying thats changed and if he can prove 50 50 there wont be anything to pay

And how much will he get when your kids are with him predominantly. Because he will win. You don't get a damn about your kids.
Every single post is about money.
Your children hate you and you don't even want to look into why.

Are you not at all upset or concerned that your children don't want to live with you?

I find this thread really upsetting but putting that aside

1. One week on one week off is quite a lot for younger kids. It’s something that I think works better in secondary. We do a 2 day 2 day schedule
2. It sounds like you’re had an advantageous deal as it were, but realistically you need to be financial responsibilities for yourself and your kids. Being financially independent is important for every women
3. It’s not as easy as just getting a job I appreciate that, so have a think about what skills you have and how you can market them. Childminder perhaps?
4. Financially what his partner or wife earns is irrelevant. You need to move on from that.

Why exactly don't you want to work school hours OP?

@GalwayGrowl because as I said to ex thats when i do my food shopping and if i have appointment etc

haha! you've jumped the shark now OP

thats when i do my food shopping and if i have appointment etc

Why can't you do your food shopping at the weekends or in the evening, or online, like the rest of the world? Jobs give you time out for appointments, too!

CMS isn't there to support you not working especially when the kids are school age.

You shouldn't have kids with someone if you aren't prepared to share 50/50 especially if there isn't any parenting concerns

You need to get a job and start supporting yourself. In 10 years when your youngest is 18 you won't be entitled to anything

[quote FullTimeMummy1983]@GalwayGrowl because as I said to ex thats when i do my food shopping and if i have appointment etc[/quote]
Because working people don't have to food shop or have appointments either 🙄

When do you think people who work full time do their shopping?!

I'm sorry but that's a bullshit excuse.

This thread just gets worse! We all have appointments. We all have to do the food shopping. But that all has to work around our work/life balance. Mediation won't tell you to get a job, no. But 50/50 split of the children will result in zero maintenance payments. There's no escaping that. So, go get a job! You're excuses not to are pathetic.

Why do you not care why your children don’t want to live with you? Does that worry you less than your financials?

If this is a reverse... boring.

If it's a wind up.... boring.

If by some huge stretch, this is your actual life, I feel very very sorry for your kids. Theyll go live with him eventually I expect, then you might have to.... dum dum duuuuuuuuum... get off your entitled arse and get a job.

If 50/50 then nope he doesn't have to pay, why would he? Hoping this is a wind up though.

Oh come on, everyone, this isn't real.

Hi OP, I've just been through this. If it's 50/50 then he will not have to pay you anything. However, CMS require evidence of this arrangement, and the only thing they will accept is a court document. So your EXH will have to get a court order which of course you don't have to agree to.

Genuine question here OP, not being goady at all. But what are your long term plans? Do you plan to never work? What about when your DC are older, all in secondary school. Do you not have plans to get back into the workforce at some point?