Was I unreasonable? Took step kids out.

[WhatTheFuckityFuck]

Try to keep it brief.

I've been looking after my step kids pretty much every day since lockdown, during both DHs and ex's contact days as I am the only one WFH and they are keyworkers so wanted to help out as much as poss. This has obviously included school work etc..

I've been taking them on a small walk at lunch times, avoiding people obviously. We live in a rural area so very very rarely meet anyone on the way and if we do we keep strictly to the distancing rules. I don't take them out other than this. Do all shopping etc on my own when DH is home with them.

Anyway ex has gone mental saying I shouldn't be taking them out of the house at all without checking first, she doesn't want them going anywhete etc etc (my DH knows full well that I have been doing).

AIBU? I'm following the guidance, getting them out for a walk and some exercise and keeping away from others. I'm not completely thick. I feel like saying if she doesn't trust me to look after them on her days then she can send them to school. I'm trying to be as helpful as possible but I've barely even had a thank you and all I've had now is a load of ranting and raving.

Ps. Been around for a long time, usually get on alright with their mum other than a couple of issues similar to this in the past i.e. wanting me to look after them when it suits but then moaning when I do.

Hand responsibility back to mum and dad if she doesn't want to do it anymore or if the arrangements don't fit with what op wants to do

You mean like when she said

If you're not happy with this then I think it may be best that you look to sort another arrangement with DH

Yes wobble he could.

I guess it is up to mum and dad to decide if they want to expose the children to risk at school. Doesn't involve op though if she's withdrawn childcare.

Mum and dad might be able to adjust shifts to look after the children between them for the time being. Whatever, down to mum and dad to workout, not op.

And yet the woman was happy enough for OP to take on this massive burden.
She won't be actually able to stop OP taking them out.
She holds zero power here.

So a hell of a lot more than mine and yes even your contribution.

I wasn't aware this was a pissing contest about who has a harder. We are all trying to do our bit in very difficult circumstances.

I'm not particularly interested in your views on how easy my husband's diagnosis has been for my family, thanks.

"LittleTittle*

I just think it would have been wiser for op to not have got into it with the ex wife.

I think it would have been less volatile for op to deal with husband and let husband and ex wife sort it.

Risks turning this into a slanging match imo. What if mum now sounds back a response because she takes offence at what op wrote? Too much potential for this to blow up in my opinion.

@Cohle your husband has nothing to do with this.
You seem to think the Op must sacrifice herself for the greater good. The good of the nation!

Yet you don't practice what you preach.
Fine. You don't have to.

But stop beating the Op with that stick

If I was the husband. And my wife. Who had sacrificed so much had had that text off of my Ex. I would not have sent nearly as calm or polite message.

It would've been a lot shorter.

Fuck off you entitled twat.

Yet you don't practice what you preach.
Fine. You don't have to.

On what possible information are you basing that? You do realise there are other ways to contribute than childcare?

It's never the sign of a great argument that you have to resort to ad hominem attacks by the way.

wibblewobblejiggle

That's out of order to Cohle

She's told you her situation. Your comment is totally unnecessary.

Fuck off you entitled twat.

Yep, that's the way to go to your step childrens mum. Bet that would work out well for you.

Why?
The OP is contributing above and beyond for her family. Massively.

She's WFH full time. Caring for two children who are not her burden full time and trying to deal with this shit show like everyone else.

That mother has zero absolutely zero right to say anything to OP. Shame on her.

Everyone has an issue at the moment.
If @Cohle thinks she can do more than OP them step on up.

Would work out well.
The husband has a live in awesome wife.
The mother is the one with needs. Never bite the hand that feeds you.

OP is insisting that the walks continue

OR, op is working all day, shut up in the house (like about forty million of us), with someone else's kids who she entertains around her work and she likes to get out for a bit of exercise and fresh air, so she takes the kids with her.

Her routine is probably, get up, have breakfast, work, have lunch, go for a walk, work, get tea ready, eat tea, mess about online for three hours/watch TV, go to bed.

And she has slotted her step kids into that. If that routine doesn't work for their mum, that's fine. She can find someone who has a routine she does like to dump them on leave them with.

And how would it work anyway to "check with the mum" before taking them out? That's just not practical for anyone.

Oh goodie @Cohle is here. I do so love the measures you will go to to defend the indefensible on this board.

OP you've absolutely done the right thing. Has she ever actually even acknowledged what you're doing for her or gasp thanked you??

If @Cohle thinks she can do more than OP them step on up.

I've already explained why I can't provide childcare. I assure you, I'd really really like it if my husband didn't have cancer.

Risks turning this into a slanging match imo. What if mum now sounds back a response because she takes offence at what op wrote?

Well then, the mother will quite rightly be finding herself alternative childcare won’t she?

Do you have your reasons.
But the Op isn't allowed to have her reason that she doesn't want to receive unnecessary abuse from the person she is doing the favour for.

Interesting

I disagree with you re the thread Cohle but just wanted to say I am so sorry about your husband’s cancer. We went through that with my father and it was so bloody hard.

Thanks HighNetGirth, that's very kind of you

Wow this has escalated!
Totally unwarranted personal attacks on a poster her seriously unwell husband.
We have been butting heads on this thread all day but @Cohle doesn’t deserve this upsetting personal information to be used a weapon against her.
Jesus Christ, know where to draw the line!

If she doesn't like the way you look after them for her when she is supposed to have them then she should probably look after them herself or arrange for them to be cared for in some other way. Whilst you look after them for her she should be polite and grateful.
I take my DC for a walk most days. It is important to get out of the house and to get some fresh air and exercise.

Totally unwarranted personal attacks on a poster her seriously unwell husband.
We have been butting heads on this thread all day but @Cohle doesn’t deserve this upsetting personal information to be used a weapon against her.

Nobody has used personal information which she freely volunteered by the way, against Cohle. Some others on this thread may also have upsetting personal circumstances. We just don’t know. While I’m sure that none of us envy Cohle her situation and all feel sympathy for both her and her husband, that doesn’t mean that she can’t be disagreed with. If, despite difficult personal circumstances, you choose to contribute to an online discussion then you can’t expect people to agree with you because of those circumstances. Surely anyone who feels sufficiently robust to come on here and join a discussion has to accept that they may have to take the rough with the smooth.

I agree Alexa. I think a lot of people are going through very difficult times at the moment, far more so than my family. All any of us can do is try to do our bit to help, however we can. I am, of course, always more than happy to be disagreed with

I'll admit I have found wibblewobbles's comments over the line personally, so I'll be bowing out now .

I've never mentioned anyone's circumstances. Made a pint not to.
Nobody should bring in their own issues to a public forum if it's something they can handle.

that doesn’t mean that she can’t be disagreed with
Like i said, I’ve been disagreeing with her robustly all over this thread. Still wouldn’t make shitty remarks about why she’s not doing childcare for randoms on top of protecting her seriously ill husband 🤷‍♀️

I didn't. Said don't practice what one can't preach.

Still stands.

Whatever the reasons are. It's still fact. And again. Didn't ask for any anonymous posters personal issues.