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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

I want a weekend without my stepson. Selfish?

202 replies

Debbie01 · 26/08/2019 20:54

Extremely confused. My fiance and I being together for a 1.5.years and actually living together since January and we just had a daughter a month ago. Yup, all really fast.
Well he has 3 kids of his own and I have one.
I always tell him to go spend time with his kids, that I'm ok with staying home that way they feel more comfortable n have him by theirselves, but today I asked him for something. He picks up his son, which is 2 years, every weekend and I ask him if could give us, me and his daughter, a weekend just for us two, meaning for him not to pick up his son 2 weekends out of the month. He exploded and he said hes not gonna do that, that that's his boy. Okay i said, then atleast give us one weekend. He said no as well.

Now, am I being selfish for wanting him to spend time with our new born daughter and myself only, atleast one weekend? Weekdays are difficult cause he works, then goes see his kids from like 230sh to 6 then comes home. And when he doesnt its cause hes working, which we dont see him either.
I feel like I shouldn't ask for this, but I also feel like we need time.

P.s. my daughter is 9 n lives with us. Her dad is not in the pic at all - I think diff. Is that she doesnt need my attention as much as his kid does. Also, keep in mind that he only spends time with him and doesnt see his other daughters (they all are from same mom).
Any thoughts?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Wolfiefan · 26/08/2019 22:00

Wow. You have room for his son but not his daughters.

Chloemol · 26/08/2019 22:02

@Debbie01 your post states to give you and your joint child and your own child 2 weekends in 4 alone. Then when he refused it was 1 in 4. The point is this will stop him from seeing his children, why where there before you arrived, and why should his son not see him, but your daughter can.

You chose him, and the set up he had, so you can’t go changing it now just to suit you

RelaisBlu · 26/08/2019 22:02

But he clearly favours his son, as you acknowledge in an earlier post

And it's all about his "boy". He says it's not, but even if he denies it, I see it.

So why are you surprised that he does not see his newborn daughter as a priority?

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 26/08/2019 22:02

Where is he seeing them every day?

Henrysnoopy · 26/08/2019 22:02

This is a worry state of affairs adults having unprotected sex with a new partner when they have existing dc to consider and then moving in without regard for the previous dc.

Supersimkin · 26/08/2019 22:05

How old are his eldest DD? If they're 17 and 18, fair enough, they want their own time at weekends.

Original poster

Debbie01 · 26/08/2019 22:10

@BarrenFieldofFucks no, when his youngest was 1.5

OP posts:

Mandatorymongoose · 26/08/2019 22:14

So currently he sees:

Your daughter: every day
Your shared new born: every day
His son: every day
His other daughter: week days only due to lack space
His ex-step daughter: week days only

You think he should see his son less so your new born gets more 1:1 time? Or not actually 1:1 because your daughter will still be there.

YABU.

He should see his other daughter more and stop treating his children differently. Your kids don't take priority over his existing ones. Just like having any new baby doesn't make older siblings disappear.

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 26/08/2019 22:16

How old are his dd?

How can he see them every day from 2.30 to 6? Where does he see them? Why does he see his 2yo son at the weekend but not his dds?

You had unprotected sex with a man with 3 young dc... what were you expecting him to do?

If you and he break up, will you be happy for him to see your dc less so he has time for his new family?

Are you very young?

timshelthechoice · 26/08/2019 22:16

What a car crash! You took up with some bloke who already has 3 kids, get pregnant and move him in with your existing kid 5 minutes later, and now want him to be Mr Good Daddy with you and your latest child. Get real! I'd tell you no, too. This is who he is.

Original poster

Debbie01 · 26/08/2019 22:18

@Wolfiefan that's what he says not me

OP posts:

Shplot · 26/08/2019 22:19

2.30-6
Why aren’t the kids at school and him at work?

Original poster

Debbie01 · 26/08/2019 22:20

Is there a place for all the key terms everyone uses? Haha😂

OP posts:

Original poster

Debbie01 · 26/08/2019 22:21

@Chloemol no, it states our join child and me. Not my daughter.

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 26/08/2019 22:21

But you’re happy for him to not see the girls because “you don’t have room”?
This is not showing you or him in a great light. In fact if Jeremy Kyle is reinstated....,

Ginger1982 · 26/08/2019 22:23

OP can you please answer how old his daughters are and how he sees them 2.30 to 6 every day around school and work??

Original poster

Debbie01 · 26/08/2019 22:27

@Shplot maybe cause the 3 year old doesnt go to school. The 15 yr old gets off at 2. And the 9 yr old its home schooled ? And he works from 5am to 2?

OP posts:

Original poster

Debbie01 · 26/08/2019 22:28

@Ginger1982 his 9 year old is homeschooled and the 15 year old gets out at 2.

OP posts:

Original poster

Debbie01 · 26/08/2019 22:29

@Wolfiefan 1st. I dont know where i said he doesnt see his daughters. 2nd I'm not sure where I said I was happy he doesnt see them. 3rd where did I said we dont have room? Hes the one that says we dont.

Please reread

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 26/08/2019 22:31

He says we don’t have room and you accept that.
You say only the son comes to stay. (Daughters must feel like shit!)
This is very likely to be your DD one day.

Qwerty09876 · 26/08/2019 22:36

I understand OP ive been here myself!
It's tricky but true, yes he has children and makes time with them like he should BUT he now has his own little family (you,dd and baby) so I agree he must spend time with use as a family, in my opinion taking 1 weekend here and there ain't to bad, I had same discussion-with OH have and got exactly what your OH said until I and his mum sat him down and explained his other children have a family with their mum and Her DH , So do we with our children, when they are with their mum they go out and do family stuff, why should we just do family stuff when we have the kids but not just when it our kid? Something clicked and he got it 🤞 you OH will get too

Original poster

Debbie01 · 26/08/2019 22:36

@mandatorymongoose I love your explanation!
Everything is correct. However he currently spends 8 days with the son, and I'm asking 6nwith the son and 2 with the daughter.

I understand all comments if I were asking him to stop seeing him or if I was asking him to spend 2 days with him and the rest with the baby.
I guess I'm crazy and selfish

OP posts:

Original poster

Debbie01 · 26/08/2019 22:38

@Wolfiefan oh I dont. And I have told him that.
And they should just like the mom I'm pretty sure and like I do due to him only putting his son first over his daughter's

OP posts:

Original poster

Debbie01 · 26/08/2019 22:40

@Qwerty09876 Thank God someone who's actually been there. I ask myself if all these hate posts are from moms in similar situation.

I'm not asking him to leave his children, never that, but atleast sometime with us three, and I'm not even including my own daughter. I think I would be selfish if I were to include mine and not his.
I hope I could get atleast one day.

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 26/08/2019 22:41

Your last makes no sense at all.

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