I want a weekend without my stepson. Selfish?

[Debbie01]

Extremely confused. My fiance and I being together for a 1.5.years and actually living together since January and we just had a daughter a month ago. Yup, all really fast.
Well he has 3 kids of his own and I have one.
I always tell him to go spend time with his kids, that I'm ok with staying home that way they feel more comfortable n have him by theirselves, but today I asked him for something. He picks up his son, which is 2 years, every weekend and I ask him if could give us, me and his daughter, a weekend just for us two, meaning for him not to pick up his son 2 weekends out of the month. He exploded and he said hes not gonna do that, that that's his boy. Okay i said, then atleast give us one weekend. He said no as well.

Now, am I being selfish for wanting him to spend time with our new born daughter and myself only, atleast one weekend? Weekdays are difficult cause he works, then goes see his kids from like 230sh to 6 then comes home. And when he doesnt its cause hes working, which we dont see him either.
I feel like I shouldn't ask for this, but I also feel like we need time.

P.s. my daughter is 9 n lives with us. Her dad is not in the pic at all - I think diff. Is that she doesnt need my attention as much as his kid does. Also, keep in mind that he only spends time with him and doesnt see his other daughters (they all are from same mom).
Any thoughts?

I understand NRPs, particularly men, can have a complicated relationship with ex partners which makes it difficult to have a sustainable relationship with their children, unfortunately. BUT. How could you live, let alone procreate, with a man who goes to the mother of his children’s house and picks up one child while leaving the other behind.

What the actual fuck.

Thank you! Honestly, exactly how I feel. Ever since we found out she was a girl.
And all it's about his "boy". He says it's not, but even if he denies it, I see it.

Why doesn't he see his daughters?

Yes it's selfish. You got with him knowing he had kids, and that he saw at least one of them.

The 2 yo won't understand he's only seeing Daddy fortnight because you don't care about him, he'll think it's something he's done.

What I don't understand is he works part time, sees his one son 2.30-6.30 every week day and then had him all weekend, :it doesn't see the kids siblings? How does that work? Where is he with his son weekdays?

Exactly, Cloud and move him in with your 9-year-old daughter after you got pregnant to him after knowing him for 5 minutes.

@TitianaTitsling actually since he was 2.hes about to be 3.

What a joke

Yes you are being selfish

But how can he spend time with just the newborn?? He’s a dad of FOUR!!! Plus your older daughter who apparently should see him more often than his own other children?! Any dad of four (or five) would see his newborn along with their siblings. My own husband doesn’t spend one weekend a month with our newborn and me.. because our other children are also there!!!

Why on earth did you have a child with someone who has abandoned two of his children?

@Jboure that's my point as well. And I told him too, but only finds excuses.

That’s why you don’t rush into having a kid with someone you hardly know.

OP you've been asked so many times why he doesn't see his other daughters, why can't you answer that question?

One weekend for a special birthday or a wedding once in a while.....maybe.

One weekend a month is ridiculous!!!! Imagine he asked you to not see your dd one weekend every month (when you hadnt seen her all week). If you want to see him at weekend see him with son.

The fact he doesn't see his daughters is outrageous but a separate issue.

@Cloudyyy i didnt said that. I said give us 1 weekend out of 4.

Doesn't your ss spend time with you all as a family?

Of course you are being selfish but if I’ve read it correctly he goes to his ex’s to see the kids 2.30pm-6pm every day? Why aren’t they in school? Why isn’t he at work?

So he goes round to his ex's house every week day? Where are the daughters? Is it definitely over between them? I'm not sure I'd like my dp to be spending 5 days a week with his ex on the pretext of visiting his son. So he actually sees him every single day?

How long have you been aware of his lack of interest in his daughters OP? I find it quite heart-breaking to imagine those little girls watching Daddy pick up their brother, leaving them behind. Why would you want to be with such a man?

I always tell him to go spend time with his kids, that I'm ok with staying home
You are ALL a family. You are choosing to isolate you and your daughter from your step children and her half-siblings. That’s incredibly selfish.

Where else is he meant to spend quality time with his son if he's not bringing him to the house?

Pick him up, home to Mum, pick him up, home to Mum?
That's not fair on anyone in that situation. You knew he had a son, you knew he had him every weekend. That doesn't get to change just because you've turned up.
You also knew he chooses not to see 3 of his DC.

YABVU. But not just for the selfishness.

Why would you have a child with a man who blatantly disregards 3 of his children? All of whom happen to be girls.

Poor kids. Your poor 9yo. Dad doesn't want to know(which isn't your fault in the slightest), stepdad has some sort of thing for ignoring girls and mum has a new baby so can't give her much time.
Your poor newborn being brought into this.
All wrong.

*2 of his DC.

What was your rush doing all of that in 1.5 years? Perhaps a man with kids was the best idea for you!

wasn’t*

@Chloemol i never said for him to stop seeing his kids.

Wait, of you wanted him to spend one weekend with you, why did you start by asking him not to get his son for two weekends?
I'm confused?

Just think this could be you on the receiving end in the future, how would you take it if he told you he is going to skip a weekend with your daughter, to spend time with his new one.

Spidey senses tell me you'd kick right off.