Step son driving me nuts on holiday

[MichelleC69]

So we're in Spain for a couple of weeks, with my daughter(16) and step son (18) - this is a final holiday with his dad before he goes off to Uni in Sept. We're beach holiday/chilling out kinda people, and he knew this before he came with us. We work hard all year and the holiday is our chill time. My problem is he is expecting us to entertain him and have things planned every day (other than going to the beach which is apparently boring). My husband has planned a couple of day trips just for the two of them but has made it clear to him that if he wants to do anything else he can go off and do it - he doesn't have to be tied to us, he's an adult! But he has zero drive and is just sticking to us like a limpet, to the point where I had to specifically day this afternoon that I'd like a drink with his dad on our own when he threatened to tag along. Don't know what the answer is but I just needed to offload.

I find it strange you would not want him along for a drink. My husband and I were always thrilled when our children wanted to join us.

I also find it odd he wants to do everything together. That’s unusual for an 18 year old.

It was just one drink where we wanted to be on our own, that's all. The kids are with us all the time, I don't think it's too much to ask for one drink on our own.

Why on earth does he want to hang around with you both? Isn't he interested in meeting other girls there?

This is my point - he's very immature and I feel like I'm babysitting a child rather than being on holiday with another adult. He has no interest in doing anything without us, it's like he's scared of missing something! My daughter knows this town very well and is very happy to go off to the shops on her own or come back to the apartment to chill, but I just feel like we have this limpet stuck to us the whole time!

I think that's the key thing - my daughter knows this town very well - he doesn't.

He's 18, not 38! Sorry but I feel for him.

Sorry, it sounds mean of you.
This is one of the last times you'll have this family dynamic- why not enjoy that he wants to spend time with you.

Does he live with you guys?

His dad should probably do the one-on-one trips with him sooner rather than later.

Sounds like he just wants to spend time with his dad.

Well sitting on a beach all day is boring....

Why bring him if his dad didn’t actually want to do anything with him??

Wouldn't he enjoy going out with your daughter?

Have tried to encourage that @hollowtalk but they're polar opposites and don't get on that well. I don't want to force a situation on her that she feels uncomfortable or awkward with.

I’m not surprised that an 18yo doesn’t want to spend his last holiday with his dad lying on a beach. Why not just pack your dh off with dss each morning then you can have either a couple of hours in the afternoon/ a drink in the evening together. Although for a last big family holiday it seems pretty mean to say that you want to do anything without him.

I feel your pain. I have an older DSS who still behaves like a 12 year old, still insists on his child contact nights, still asks me what’s for dinner, still expects everything laid out for him on a plate. He often asks when we’re taking him on holiday and I just laugh and ask him why he isnt going with his girlfriend or mates like a normal young adult. He works and has his own independent income, his own transport and a lot more than I had at his age. Makes my teeth itch!

We live in a society of snowflakes who will never grow up and I’ve got stuck with a man child.

Just going to the beach is boring to a lot of people, me included. I’d not thank you for two week sitting on a beach.

@rainbows
How old is he?

OP
Does DSS live with you guys?

19, almost 20

He's with us 3 days a week til he goes to Uni.

I think pp are being a bit unfair.
Did he know it was a beach holiday? Are there any local bars around he could go out to with his dad or on the resort, on the hope he could meet some people his own age to go off with and have fun?
I love beach holidays and did at 18. Does he have any interests he can go and do with his dad or does he share any interests with you?
I hope you can find some things that will occupy him which can help you to relax and enjoy your holiday.
Maybe nag your dh to keep his son more entertained

Why does he need to be entertained,
He’s not 6!

You've described it as his last holiday with his dad, let him stick to his dads side if he wants to. Uni changes the dynamic with your parents, it's a massive and intimidating milestone.

I guess you didn't just discover his personality, for sure he was like that before and it's not because he suddenly turned 18 that he automatically became an adult and walk around a town he doesn't know alone. So his choices are to stay at the hotel or go with you.
If it's annoying, his father should have gone with him alone and then with you I suppose. When we go with the kids, we really don't expect much alone time.

Lying on the beach would bore me too!

Well with the drink think he has at least told you what he wants. Can his dad take him for a drink? Or both of you?

Surely there are jet skis, windsurfing, surfing, kitesurfing opportunities , could DF drop him off at those.

You sound like he is deliberately spoiling your holiday when he is probably lacking confidence. How will he cope at uni?
Get him signed up for some sporty stuff and send DH with him. It might help him join things at uni. I'm very sure you don't want him moving back home as he's very unhappy!

I'm sorry but I think you not allowing him to go for a drink with his father and you is evil stepmother territory. He can tell you resent him and is acting up with anxious attachment patterns that must be quite typical of a child of divorced parents with a possessive stepmother.

For the love of god... it's the OP's holiday too and I'm sure she would like to spend time with her husband as well.

And why is she automatically classed as an evil step mum for wanting to spend some quality time with her other half.

As pointed out already her dss is old enough not to be constantly entertained and was well aware of the holiday both his df and dsm were planning.

...but hey, let's just bash the stepmum again because it's obviously all her fault!

Oh do fuck off @Fuckedoffat48b - evil stepmum because she wants to enjoy some time during her holiday alone with her husband!! The “child” is 18 FFS!!