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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Step son driving me nuts on holiday

306 replies

MichelleC69 · 28/06/2019 17:11

So we're in Spain for a couple of weeks, with my daughter(16) and step son (18) - this is a final holiday with his dad before he goes off to Uni in Sept. We're beach holiday/chilling out kinda people, and he knew this before he came with us. We work hard all year and the holiday is our chill time. My problem is he is expecting us to entertain him and have things planned every day (other than going to the beach which is apparently boring). My husband has planned a couple of day trips just for the two of them but has made it clear to him that if he wants to do anything else he can go off and do it - he doesn't have to be tied to us, he's an adult! But he has zero drive and is just sticking to us like a limpet, to the point where I had to specifically day this afternoon that I'd like a drink with his dad on our own when he threatened to tag along. Don't know what the answer is but I just needed to offload.

OP posts:
Mumlife200 · 29/06/2019 07:21

He is 18, I find it more unusual that he wants to be stuck to you and doesn't want to go off alone. He shouldn't need constant entertainment at that age as I'm sure you and your husband don't do that at home, also doing constant activities that you didn't plan for will be expensive. You are perfectly entitled to say to both children that you are going for a drink alone. Enjoy your holiday OP you are not an evil step mother.

PoesyCherish · 29/06/2019 07:33

So to be clear OP, you want him to act like an adult and be all independent, but then treat him like a child and tell him when to shower?

Original poster
MichelleC69 · 29/06/2019 07:36

FFS it was a suggestion that they go back and use the bathroom while we weren't there. But actually, he does need to be told when to shower (both at home and on holiday) but that's a whole other subject!

OP posts:
hsegfiugseskufh · 29/06/2019 07:37

Oh give over poesy

All op wants is one drink with her husband.

There is nothing wrong with that.

Also seems a lot of other posters havent read the full thread.

FamilyOfAliens · 29/06/2019 07:38

It sounds like you don’t really like him unless he’s doing what you want him to do.

Nanamilly · 29/06/2019 07:39

I fully appreciate that this is a family holiday but if I don't have the odd hour (other than when we're sleeping) to be alone with my husband I feel like I'm losing my mind!!

You sound like hard work and way more needy than the lad.

hsegfiugseskufh · 29/06/2019 07:41

Sounds to me more like shes sick of having to treat an 18yo like a small child and so would i be tbh.

FamilyOfAliens · 29/06/2019 07:53

Sounds to me more like shes sick of having to treat an 18yo like a small child and so would i be tbh.

It sounds to me like she resents him having time with his dad without her there. Her need to spend at least an hour alone with her husband sounds suffocating.

Eustasiavye · 29/06/2019 07:56

My dcs didn't come on holiday with us once they were 18. Most 18 year olds don't want to stick to their parents like limpits.
I think he will struggle when he goes to uni.

hsegfiugseskufh · 29/06/2019 07:58

Her need to spend at least an hour alone with her husband sounds suffocating

An hour with her own husband is suffocating?

But his son wanting to spend 24hrs a day with him and do continuous activities pn his own with him is not?

He didnt have to go on this holiday. You dont accept a free holiday and then complain for the whole week.

Original poster
MichelleC69 · 29/06/2019 08:00

I don't resent him having time with his dad at all - they've just left for a full day trip, won't be back until early evening. I was actually the one who suggested it, and I'm looking forward to spending quality time alone with my daughter. But it works both ways. One drink alone with my husband is not 'sufficating'. I do love how people jump to conclusions.

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 29/06/2019 08:02

Would drive me mad if my own son did this let alone a step son. My 12 year old more independent

FamilyOfAliens · 29/06/2019 08:04

Sorry, meant to say the OP saying she would “lose her mind” if she didn’t get to spend an hour alone with her husband sounds suffocating.

hsegfiugseskufh · 29/06/2019 08:04

No it doesnt. At all. Hmm

FamilyOfAliens · 29/06/2019 08:06

No it doesnt. At all.

Do you know the difference between opinion and a fact?

It’s my opinion that it sounds suffocating. I dgaf whether you agree.

hsegfiugseskufh · 29/06/2019 08:08

If thats your opinion i feel sorry for your husband.

Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 29/06/2019 08:19

So your happy to spend time with your daughter just not your step son? That’s how the last couple of posts came across.

swisscheeseplant · 29/06/2019 08:20

My dcs didn't come on holiday with us once they were 18. Most 18 year olds don't want to stick to their parents like limpits.
I think he will struggle when he goes to uni.

How odd. My perfectly independent young adult DC continued to have holidays with both their dad and me throughout university and beyond. Presumably this is because they enjoy our company. Both also had/have holidays with friends and DD backpacked on her own so neither are socially inadequate “limpets”

whiteroseredrose · 29/06/2019 08:20

I think the problem is that you don't think of him as your child, which he isn't. Which is why you're finding him irritating.

When we go on holiday as a family (DC 19 and 16) we're happy for them to come out with us whenever they want (which is 99% of the time!) because they're our children. We don't think of them as annoying or interlopers, we're all family. We don't need 'alone time' when we're away for a couple of weeks because we get enough of it at home. The family holiday is about family time. But he isn't your family, is he?

And going off exploring alone? Why would he want to? I'm not sure I'd particularly enjoy doing stuff alone. I'd rather share the experiences with someone else so you can talk about it after.

hsegfiugseskufh · 29/06/2019 08:25

So your happy to spend time with your daughter just not your step son? That’s how the last couple of posts came across

Ops daughter doesnt need to be entertained like a child and is happy doing her own thing.

Original poster
MichelleC69 · 29/06/2019 08:29

I really can't win in this scenario can I. I'm accused of resenting them spending time on their own together, but when I encourage a day trip for them without us I'm not allowed to look forward to spending time alone with my daughter?Hmm

OP posts:
BeardedMum · 29/06/2019 08:30

I have children the same age and whilst they are perfectly independent we do everything together on holiday. We try to accommodate everyone’s needs and everyone comes for meals and drinks.
Mine would get bored lying on the beach a whole day. A couple of hours are fine.
I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect him to go off and make friends or join activities alone like some posters have suggested.

stayathomer · 29/06/2019 08:31

This is nothing to do with you being a sm-i was thisadult!! I went on holidays with my parents until mid 20s and I enjoyed being with them all the time. If it's a family holiday it's a family holiday. And I think people aren't saying you're mean because you're a sm, it's more the way you're describing him, he's hanging around like a wet limpet etc. Y pours saying he has no drive etc but he's the one who wants to do something!! I really feel for the guy, and you too as obviously it's your holiday too but try to enjoy his company and a bit of compromise- maybe a day trip or something. It's his dad and he mightn't get another holiday with him

Medievalist · 29/06/2019 08:34

I think the problem is it's not 'just one drink'. The message you're actually giving is that you don't enjoy their company. That you tolerate them the rest of the time and feel you deserve a break from them.
If you were with a group of friends and some of them said they'd like to have just one drink without you there you'd be pretty hurt and start thinking about whether they actually liked you wouldn't you?

hsegfiugseskufh · 29/06/2019 08:36

If you were with a group of friends and some of them said they'd like to have just one drink without you there you'd be pretty hurt and start thinking about whether they actually liked you wouldn't you?

Not at all. People need their own space. Its not that hard to understand.

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