Step son driving me nuts on holiday

[MichelleC69]

So we're in Spain for a couple of weeks, with my daughter(16) and step son (18) - this is a final holiday with his dad before he goes off to Uni in Sept. We're beach holiday/chilling out kinda people, and he knew this before he came with us. We work hard all year and the holiday is our chill time. My problem is he is expecting us to entertain him and have things planned every day (other than going to the beach which is apparently boring). My husband has planned a couple of day trips just for the two of them but has made it clear to him that if he wants to do anything else he can go off and do it - he doesn't have to be tied to us, he's an adult! But he has zero drive and is just sticking to us like a limpet, to the point where I had to specifically day this afternoon that I'd like a drink with his dad on our own when he threatened to tag along. Don't know what the answer is but I just needed to offload.

Is he going away with his mates as well?

When my son (18) comes in holiday with us I would expect him to come for drinks/meals with us. You are being a bit mean. Lots of 18 year olds wouldn't want to go off on their own in a strange place.

She wanted a break from him! Just one drink, not the whole holiday away from him. Selectively picking out what you want to read to bash the step mum.

Thanks to the supporters, it was ONE DRINK! That's all. He's had loads of time with his dad. I'm really not an evil step mum but that seems to be the automatic assumption here.

You're definitely not an evil step mum. Your complaint is reasonable.
It's your holiday too!

Why the hell is the op getting hassle on this. DSS is 18!!!! All this infantilising of our young adults is silly. Is it because it is her stepson that makes posters so damn objectionable because personally if it was my son/stepson/sibling/cousin or whatever at 18 I would expect them to spend at least sometime doing their own thing and allowing me to do mine.

It isn’t relevant whether anyone on here likes a beach holiday or not. He knew what he was signing up for and if he doesn’t like to relax while OP and his dad do then it’s on him to keep himself busy doing something else. He’s 18 years old FFS. He didn’t have to accept the free holiday did he?!

He’ll struggle at uni if he expects to be entertained.

Sorry op. You are a SM... therefore you are WRONG if you do not sacrifice every single minute of your holiday to making sure your DSS is catered for and happy. He should NEVER be expected to amuse himself and you have absolutely no right to expect an iota of Private enjoyment with your DH .. you are very very unreasonable to ever even think about it. 🙄

Jesus... I wish him luck in uni then

OP, go enjoy your drink with your hubby!

Latest posts have made me smile - thankyou! Currently enjoying a child free nightcap (bad parent)

My ds is the same age and really finds beach holidays boring. Sure, your ss didn’t have to come, but maybe he just wanted to spend time with his dad and hoped they might do a couple of non-beachy things together while you and your dd sunbathed? Would that be so bad?

Yes it would be so bad because this is a holiday as much for Sm and DH !!

THEY ARE DOING NON BEACH THINGS TOGETHER!! That's my point! It's the expectation that we fill every single day with activities which I object to.

Judging by the responses on here anyone would think he was 8 not 18!

Yanbu op at all.

He presumably was not forced to go, so for him to know what kind of holiday it was, opt to go and then have the cheek to whinge id be fuming!

I was booking and paying for my own holidays at 18 he doesnt know how lucky he is!

Point is, he’s not on vacation with his mates. It’s a family vacation. If his parents didn’t want him around, they should have had him bring a friend along.

Girls like to shop, most young men don’t. So the comparison to the daughter is unfair.

It’s unfortunate the kids don’t get along. But the parents knew they this when they booked the vacation.

Would you be happier if he were off on his own getting pissed, getting into fights, and bringing random girls back?

so do you get up, have breakfast and then head to the beach for the day, back for dinner and then want an adult/childfree nightcap?

It was just one drink where we wanted to be on our own, that's all.

No he is 18, he is adult now, he is not someone to be shoved into an apartment after 'bedtime'. You say he doesn't particularly get on with your own kid; cut him a break, why can't he go for the drink with you both? He is obviously bored shitless. Why would he go out on his own, very little fun in that unless you are a complete extrovert. I don't think you have thought this through and it sounds very mean. This is the time, the last time he will have with his dad in the true sense, back off.

Yes, I imagined it as a last family holiday together too. So a pita but what you have to make the best of as a one off.

If the holiday is because it's his last day before uni then doesn't it stand to reason that he'd want to be with his dad? 18 is still quite young and it sounds like he wants to cherish his last few months with his dad. With that in mind you should not have booked a beach holiday. Sounds like it was a holiday for you and your DH rather than a family holiday. In fact you opened the OP by saying you work hard and are thus deserving of a rest

he is adult now, he is not someone to be shoved into an apartment after 'bedtime'. You say he doesn't particularly get on with your own kid; cut him a break, why can't he go for the drink with you both? He is obviously bored shitless

I think this about sums it up

I think you're being really unfair on him. He sounds like he lacks confidence. I wouldn't have wandered off in a strange town on my own on holiday at 18. You asked him to come, you can't expect him to not want to spend time with you. Yes it's your holiday too but come on, it's probably his last before he goes to university. You've got lots more holidays ahead of you where it'll be just you and DH. DSS doesn't, this is most likely his last, or one of his last at least. It's understandable he'd want to spend it with his Dad.

Also stop comparing him to your DD. Comparisons aren't helpful and for someone who lacks confidence, parents (or in your case step) comparing you to others can kill your self esteem.

This is a family holiday op, not a couples holiday. If you wanted it just to you and 'his dad' then you should not have invited them.

You sound unkind. He is bored, he sounds lonely and you are doing precisely nothing to make his 'last' holiday fun at all.

Tell 'his dad' to stop being lazy with his son, and organise a daily hour or two out doing something active. Then I am sure ss will be far happier to sit on the beach, assuming he came to spend time with his father I am not sure this is too much to ask.

You have years of holidays just the two of you, for the sake of good manners and family cohesion make a bloody effort op.

I feel for him too. I would be bored out of effing mind in a "chilling" holiday and the beach makes me feel very restless.

18 is still quite young to be doing things alone all the time. Can't you compromise and have a few more activity days?

YANBU OP. I’d find that a bit irritating after a while.
Also I don’t think it unreasonable for you to want a drink alone with your DH.
If he’s expecting to be entertained and clinging to you limpet style how is going to cope at Uni?!
Deep breaths and plenty of alcohol. September will soon be here.

To be clear, the exact circumstances of the 'alone drink' were that we had come off the beach and suggested to the kids that they go back and shower while we had a quick drink. I fully appreciate that this is a family holiday but if I don't have the odd hour (other than when we're sleeping) to be alone with my husband I feel like I'm losing my mind!! Husband has also taken him off exploring around town. We are trying to encourage some independence ahead of Uni so that he is better equipped when he gets there. The view of some people on here seems to be that the kids happiness comes before all else and at the expense of the parents enjoyment. I'm not of that mindset. He knew it was a beach holiday and chose to come. It's a free holiday for him and we're doing our best to make sure he have a good time whilst we do as well.