I resent my stepson and I don't know how to stop it!

[FierceMamaBear86]

I resent my stepson and I kind of hate myself for it.

I've been with my husband for 3 years and he has a 5 year old son. His divorce was very bitter and a lot went on that caused terrible stress to us as I met him just before divorce proceedings began so I was around for the whole thing.

I don't know if that has impacted my feelings towards my stepson or not but these are the facts.

We now have a 9 month old baby boy and my tolerance levels toward my stepson have plummeted. I just don't love him. I couldn't care less if I never saw him again. When he's with us I do my best by him, take him out to nice places, read him stories, help him get dressed, cook him healthy meals etc. etc. But in all that I just feel like a caretaker, like someone working in a school might. Like when he's under my care I look after him but I don't love him.

I feel extremely protective of my son, not only in the obvious sense (like my stepson kept talking hopefully about him dying when he was relatively newborn) but in terms of being hyper sensitive to how my husband treats him and if I feel he makes less effort with him or spends less money on him. It's putting a terrible strain on our marriage but I just can't snap myself out of it.

I find my stepson to be precocious and spoilt, a lot of which is my MIL's doing. His own mother has said she finds him to be like this and we're all trying to counteract it, us and her and her new husband. He doesn't ever seem happy to see anyone and usually asks if they've got him anything. He won't play with any of the gifts he got for Christmas or his birthday when here but insists on playing with my son's toys all the time and trying to take them for his own. I just find him so annoying. Plus I resent the fact that we pay through the nose for his maintenance when we're struggling for money in a house that is too small for the size of our family and they're off on weekends away twice a month because the system doesn't take into account what the mother or new husband earn.

I just feel like his whole existence is a burden.

And I don't need to ask if this makes me a monster, I know it does. But I have no idea what to do to make it feel better? Or do I just accept that this is how I will always feel and call it a day on my marriage rather than stay and fight over it almost every day? Because it is wearing us down but I can't seem to curb my bitterness over it all.

Its kind of comical that the step moms post is upsetting. Dont you find it upsetting that there are so many families out there that have to live for 18 or less years of their life trying to juggle up to 4 adult agendas, money and kids lives. Keeping our families completely separate is the most NORMAL any of us can feel and it has literally saved 2 marriages, 5 kids and 4 adults lives. There are no jealous feelings, no feelings of resentment, no text, email or phone call exchanges. Both homes live of the money the actual adults in the home earn. The child in question gets to sleep in HIS bed in HIS home and keep HIS TOYS and have HIS neighborhood and HIS routine and HIS school. He is the healthiest and happiest child because he doenst have to go back and forth and wonder if he gets to play a certain sport or see his friends one weekend or go to a bday party because its "dads time". No he gets to live a normal life with 2 loving parents and he gets to see his dad when he and we want. Its not dictated by courts, 4 grouchy adults. He doesnt have to lug school work from one house to another. I really think more people shouldnt be so selfish and allow the child to live with one parent and be open to a schedule that works for them.

All the capital letters in the world can't disguise what you're actually saying, @Cyshar

Your DH has abandoned his child, because you asked him to. He doesn't parent him, he doesn't contribute towards his upbringing and he isn't, in effect, his Dad. It's a disgusting abdication of responsibility and I wouldn't have a shred of respect for any man I knew who treated his child this way.

Have any of you read a book without pictures this year? Educate yourselves! Stop getting Snioped!

Kids are temporary. Marriage is forever. Do not make that kind of decision. That’s what weak people do. You now have a son. Give him 2 parents that stay together. Vertical alignment : God first SPOUSE second KIDS third!