Birthdays and visits

[Lovelife12345]

So my partner has been going up to see his children Every other Friday now since about July, as Saturdays wasn't working with trains etc. We had to miss a Friday the other week as our baby was admitted into hospital overnight but then the following visit we stayed overnight and saw them for two days and bought them a gift from their baby brother to apologise and the ex wife although annoyed at first because he choose a sick baby over seeing the girls but soon apologised and realised he would be worried and not leave his side as it brought back memories of his youngest daughter hospital. But fast forward to his visit next Friday. Next Friday is my eldest son (his stepsons) birthday and I am not dragging him on a 4 hour round trip where he wouldn't see any of my family as they work until 5 otherwise plus he's 4 it wouldn't be fair. Also my son seems him as his dad, choose to call him daddy and their bond is amazing. We both felt if my partner went to visit the girls and he wasn't there for his birthday he would feel massively rejected and wonder what he's done wrong. So we have spoken to the ex wife who has no flew of the handle. My partner has said he would travel up the Saturday instead via train with our baby to see them but she is kicking off and saying it's unreasonable. And because for my birthday today and my sons birthday we are off to see a musical show instead of doing a party for my son she reckoned it shouldn't matter. What would your opinions and suggestions be?

We have just been informed we aren't allowed them down to stay over Christmas. We have been evicted as landlord is selling house and the only property we found was a two bedroom, which is less than ideal because our youngest keeps waking the eldest as he still wakes durn the night. But for a 3 bedroom we would be looking at £825 a month (the evicted one we paid £700) and council said we would only be entitled to two so housing benefit wouldn't cover it. So girls would have the lounge with their blown up ready beds. He is now seeking legal advice for w court order because it's getting silly. We get phone calls at 10 at night as the eldest kicks off having her tablet taken of her and she expects us to drive up at sort it out. How long do court orders usually take?? We have got the money together as he's done some extra hours and I've contributed some of my birthday money to the cause.

Already management, well let's hope you show more flair in what is right and wrong at work then in your personal life then.

Considering that you son has an entitlement to spend time with your OH for the hour or so he'll be up to celebrate at the detriment to him spending time with his daughter when hell be with him in the morning and all day Saturday. Gosh the ex is a Saint to not have it lost it completely. Oh and your OH won't help because they are disparing at your attitude and just don't like you.

I thought you had arranged every other Friday off, so that you could take your DP to see his kids? So why can't you celebrate your sons birthday during the day instead of sending him to nursery all day?

You miss the point on money. Instead of holidays, theatre tickets, jewellery etc, ask for gifts in cash. Put it in a savings account. Use your savings to subsidise your living expenses. It's clearly substantial figures. Especially coupled with your management job and housing benefit.

Just what does your idiot DP bring to the table? Reads to me like you'd be better off financially, emotionally, psychologically and in every other way without him.

Before when you use to post I could kind of see your point of view but now I just want to bang your head against the wall. Your partner is not your sons father and can miss a birthday! There will be lots of future birthdays!
These poor girls are going to feel left out yet again with having no space to call their own when they visit their dad. Do you resent him having other kids is that it? Why do you have to travel 4 hours every other week? With this spare money you have now why can't he learn to drive and be a proper dad for once.

This just gets more and more unbelievable each time.

Are you practicing soap writing OP?

But a court order wouldn't have helped because you want to change the contact day anyway

A court order would make things less flexible, not more. PP was right when they explained how you can't expect the ex to be accommodating when your DP has built up no goodwill with her. I think stepparents, stepmums especially get a really hard time on MN but it's the likes of you who give the rest of us a bad name. I wish you'd post elsewhere!

Btw I would suggest that your partner sticks to the agreement and goes up next Friday like he is supposed to. He lives with your son, he can celebrate with him anytime. Otherwise he will go 4 weeks without seeing his girls which will look awful when he takes her to court demanding contact.

I don’t know why people keep responding to these threads. It’s very obvious OP has a learning difficulty of some description and all this bashing is just nasty and cruel. OP isn’t capable of taking on board the advice that is being given here. That is just never going to happen. Stop winding yourselves up because it won’t change a single thing about OPs situation.

@TwistedStitch he wouldn't be going 4 weeks because he wanted to change it to the Saturday not Friday.. if we had a court order we will want the court order to state that he can have them overnight which would then mean no Fridays would be a issue cause we would collect them and have them back st our house by 5.30!

I do mot have a learning difficulty just don't feel ther some situations she is being fair! Regardless of whatever has happened in the past people need to move on! If I used what happened in the past against my ex we would never get anywhere

OP you may not be diagnosed with a LD but it is very clear you don’t have the capacity to take on board the advice given and improve your situation. You will continue to have these issues throughout your life.

Or see things from another perspective than yours. The only people benefiting from what you want to do is your boy and you indirectly. Why should the ex do something that might be inconvenient to her and upset yet again her girls to make your boy and you, who she has no emotional attachment to, happy?

Your expectation of fairness is purely selfishly driven. Surely you can understand this?

Nah its not a learning disability. More she doesn't take on advice because while he treats his daughters so badly it means she and her boys are treated better. She doesn't want to change that. She wants the ex to accept that he loves her children better and to accept whatever scraps they throw the girls.

I honestly despair for those poor girls and their mum.

You live you life with the mindset of a child, the insanity of your budgets. It's like a child deciding if the are going to buy sweets or a scented pencil with their pocket money. No concern for bills etc as a random family member will pay for stuff.

There has never been a point in my life when I frittered away so much on unnecessary shit and trips as you do. Between you, you are responsible for 4 people. The lessons you are teaching them are just lunacy.

Grow up!

Your so called partner's ex is a saint! I applaud her every post. I'm amazed she still let's him see the girls. And you enable him at every turn to let them down.
I am always shocked that you continue to post on here.
I am just baffled tbh

Can I just ask, if the situation was reversed, would you be happy to let down your son's in order to spend the day with your stepdaughter on her birthday? I'd say it's highly unlikely. But you expect your partner to let his kids down for his stepson. These girls are going to grow up to massively resent all of you and I can't say I blame them.

Your son is celebrating his birthday with his Dad on a different day and is probably unaware of when his birthday is so would probably be perfectly happy celebrating the day before.

I think OP will continue posting until she manages to get replies saying that they agree that ex is a bitch but you're very lucky that she's so reasonable.

Taking the ex to court when you don't even have beds for the girls is laughable. Stop frittering money on shows etc and get an extra bloody bedroom or give up yours when they visit ffs.

@lunar1 my bills always are and always have been paid. They are always our priority over anything; to make sure a roof if kept over my boys head: they are Learninb to work for what they have: my son said earlier to me
''Mummy I will miss you at work but you got to work to pay for our house.'

Again if courts give us our overnights it's 4 nights a month: why should we pay an extra £125 in rent for the sake of 4 nights when plenty of people have sofa beds, blow up beds in lounges etc.

He is now seeking legal advice for w court order because it's getting silly. We get phone calls at 10 at night as the eldest kicks off having her tablet taken of her and she expects us to drive up at sort it out. How long do court orders usually take??

The way you've written this makes it sound like the main reason he's gone to the courts is to get set days in order that his ex won't make these phone calls? Is that right?

And this...

Again if courts give us our overnights it's 4 nights a month: why should we pay an extra £125 in rent for the sake of 4 nights when plenty of people have sofa beds, blow up beds in lounges etc.

So he has no intention of trying to get access during holidays?

Sorry yes he does intend for school holidays but I wouldn't know what number of days to have written and there isn't school
Holidays every month was basing it on months without school holidays...

And no don't want court order because of phone calls didnt word it correctly: he wants a court order so that we can have the overnights every other weekend again, and durn the school holidays. Have it set in stone so then we both know when we need to book weeks off as I would use two weeks
Holiday for a visit; he would use two weeks holiday for a seperate holiday visit... (as our other two weeks holiday is for May when we go away.) that way we can share the load more. But then when she demands us up to sort out her tablet st 10 at night it won't be within the court order to do so, and like next Friday for example they would also be apart of celebrations and would stop this arguing if something came up on his Friday to have them: what she expecting us to do when we go away for two weeks next year as it's his two Fridays. X

Oh. It's you.

Doesn't your new house have a cupboard for the girls?

As many people have said his ex is a saint for putting up with this shit!! He’ll see your boy in the morning and then go spend the evening with his girls where is the problem ? God you sound like my exp new gf she’s poison too !!

Have you had a single month since you started with the alternate Fridays where you have not altered things for some 'really important' reason?

What's the longest stretch you have actually gone agreeing to this arrangement? Because I'd be bloody shocked if it was even three visits.