Oh dear our holiday is not going well

[QueenOfIce]

Was getting on so well with dsd, she had really turned a corner and so dh and I booked a holiday of her choosing.

It's day 5 we have 5 to go and it's going to be the longest of my life. I don't understand why she's so rude or disrespectful to us. She is so very very entitled. Dh is doing his best and I won't step in but he's finding it hard too.

Thank goodness for wine! 🍇

Queen I think you've done really well so far, but maybe now is the time to take yourself off on your own and do things you want to do without the mardy bickering pair along with you! Not the holiday you probably envisaged, but at least you'll not have to put up with the rudeness and eyerolling.

Ice, your feelings of anger and frustration are totally normal and don't think that they are a symptom of being a SM, I can assure you that parents will have exactly the same. I think holidays are the time I felt like dishonering my kids!

The other day, I was talking to a friend who is the most pleasant, easy going person I know and we got to talk about teenagers and yet even she got the usual 'you're not living in a hotel' phrase from her parents when she was herself a teenager. I had to laugh because I think almost all adults I know have had it. My OH often moans about my kids' mess, laziness around the house etc... He is so house proud himself, but surprise surprise, his mum confirmed that he was a nightmare as a teenager and yes, treating the house as a hotel. I had it too!

Teenagers really are foul, even those who are deep inside lovely, and will turn out to be lovely teenagers. Let's not forget that we women will go through our vile stage too... I remember my mum and step-mum awful mood when they went through the menopause and however much I'd like to think that I'm going through mine normally, I bet my kids will remind me in a few years what a mad cow I was then!!

Your post gave me a chuckle swing my parents also told me I wasn't living in a hotel and I was also very messy I had a 'floordrobe' given i'm such a neat freak now this means there is hope for dsd

I've learnt my lesson about sharing a room with a teen, unfortunately given the type of holiday we didn't get a choice! 2 days left to survive!

You’ve paid out of your own purse for this holiday, she should be told, quite firmly, that being rude will ensure she’s not taken away again!

Holidays are a PRIVILEGE, not a right. And attitude is the pits! Don’t put up with it. Give a shit whether she’s missing her mum...boo fucking hoo!

Well today is already a shit show and dh and I have had a row. This holiday is never sodding ending!

Dsd came in at 1am from the teen club as she has every night for the last 7 and woke us up, lights on like Blackpool illuminations (we already left a light on over her bed) clattering about, bloody phone binging and pinging. Dh has snores every bastard night so I have had very little sleep and today I am really tired.

And still dh won't say anything to dsd about her lack of consideration it's me that's got the problem apparently, it's her holiday. I am fuming.

Why is your DP not empowering you in this set up? He won't deal with this behaviour but is not letting you either? Is he for real? Are you for real for allowing it? And you paid for the holiday?

I would have gone home and asked him for money back...

Urgh - it sounds awful, not just the DSD's behaviour but your P's failure to actually do anything about it, choosing to blame you instead for not being the same level of doormat as he is.

Are you sure you want to stay with him?

How long do you have left?

2 more days to go ordinarily Dh is great, we have a very good relationship and he shows me a great deal of respect. This holiday was important for him and he obviously didn't want to be constantly on at dsd for her behaviour as that doesn't help anyone and would just make her feel rubbish.

Normally when I talk to him about dsd he's very good but for some reason he's not willing on this holiday. We don't often row to be honest it takes a lot to get us both angry enough but he clearly feels I'm unreasonable which maybe in part I am, I'm tired and fed up of him babying her. I told him she is a product of her parenting and that's all him and his ex. Her lack of respect and I'll do what I like attitude is down to them never giving her boundaries.

He's not normally such a wanker.

Lesson for the next year, you and he go away together and he takes his dd on his own. Nothing wrong with that and all will be happier.

No YANBU at all. 1am for a 13 yo is very late. She’s being given a lot of latitude and totally uncooperative and unappreciative. Totally understandable you’re fed up. Next time I’d be tempted to book a holiday alone. In any case, I wouldn’t want to do another one room only holiday with them.

There will definitely not be another holiday together. We had to share 1 room due to the type of holiday, dsd wasn't allowed a room alone otherwise I absolutely would have booked separate rooms. Lesson learnt!

If this is dds holiday op should start planning HER holiday.

I heard once that you get treated how you let people treat you! Your H might be able to put up with her treatment of him but you don't have to tow the same line! Just because your the SM doesn't mean you have to let your standards or expectations of how your treated drop! I can be understanding of teenage hormones etc! However that is not any excuse for 10 days of hell!!

True once I asked him how much longer I was expected to excuse shitty behaviour and put it down to hormones/all teenagers are like it etc.

I swear this teenage brain is a newish phenomenon, I was pretty naughty but I would never dared speak to my parents the way she and it seems so many others do. Maybe I'm a dinosaur and am clueless to the new generation. I still play cds and enjoy re runs of Soldier Soldier

Quick poll...tonight is last night where we are we have to be up at 6am. Dsd has asked her dad to keep the 1am curfew not 11pm (as agreed) as it's the last night.

I say no because:

She comes in without any consideration and wakes us up I then can't go back to sleep and tomorrow we have a long day and an overnight flight home.

She struggles to get up and takes an age to get ready.

Dh says he'll now consider it as it's the last night.

Am I being a mega bitch here and selfish shall I just agree to 1am??

Your DH is crap and I would never attempt holidays with them again.

You should just disengage..let him "parent" as he sees fit, accept this night as disturbed and NEVER go on holiday with them. Tell your "D"H why too..

I can't believe how uncaring towards you he is being..

Seeing as he overrules you, do you have a choice? I think you can object and be matter of fact “told you so” tomorrow.

I fear for them if I have one more sleepless night followed by 18 hrs of travel. Fuck it I'm going to see if I can get an upgrade and leave those ungrateful swines in cattle!

No don’t agree. Ultimately your DH and DSD might just do what they want, but you can’t be contributing to his indulgence. Refuse to do a thing for anyone but yourself tomorrow morning. He can get her up.

If I were you I’d retire now with ear plugs.

If anyone keeps you up be very loud in the morning and put the radio on.

Upgrade sounds just the thing!

On the journey home though, I’d be saying how much you need a holiday after this one! Say you just need a less drama and no conflict break. Ask your DH to go away just you two while this is still fresh and he’s not had a chance to start minimizing it.

Phew! I’m stressed just reading about it all. And then I remembered my last holiday with DP, it was with 3 DSDs and I will never ever go away with them ever again! So sympathies.

I swear this teenage brain is a newish phenomenon
Talking to parents as they talk to their mates is indeed a new thing. It goes away, I promise! Saying that, I remember hearing the 'I would never have dared doing this to my parents when I was a teenager' too!

A bit too late, but I would have agreed, but I would have had a one to one with her first, tell her that you hope she has a great time there and to make sure to keep in touch with the kids she met but that you would be grateful if she made an extra effort when home.

By the way, you're on a cruise aren't you? Sounds exactly like my experience on a cruise with my kids! Yep, very very bad idea to have to share the same cabin!

I would tell him if he lets her stay up till 1am he'd better rethink his marriage because he clearly doesnt respect you.

Sounds normal teenage behaviour!! Just laugh (they hate that the most!). They are lovely from about 20 ime!,

Oh and the teenage brain is nothing new - Socrates wrote about it (and the DM view ‘it wasn’t like that in my day’ is BS - research clearly shows this is being going on forever - one of my favourites is the teenage dung throwing gang mentioned for their anti-social behaviour a few centuries ago!!)