DH bring SD away for night

[stepontoes]

Hi,
I'm new to this forum.
Can I run something by you that I'm totally confused by? My DH is taking his daughter (my step daughter who doesnt live with us) away for a day together as she normally goes on holidays with her biological mother and we go on holiday with our kids. She is 17 years of age, tall and slim and is always stuck to his side and quite touchy feely with him. He tells me they may stay the night somewhere. Do you think its ok for them to share a twin room or should they get two separate rooms? I'm so confused as find this step parenting is a minefield of emotions and so glad that there is a forum like this for other step-mothers as unless you are a step mother yourself it is very hard for others to understand the complex emotions you go through! Also, none of my friends are step mothers!
Thanks a lot
stepontoes

Petal - does that mean someone will buy me a shiny new bigger house once my kids are deemed too old to share by the local authority?

No? Why not? Because it's not the law perhaps.

Most kids manage to reach 'sexual maturity' and not jump on their siblings or parents. Regardless of sharing a room or not.

Elasta - you do realise that from the motorhome post, you are essentially confessing to a gangbang? At least to some twisted posters.

Madness.

I would feel more annoyed if DH spent additional money on another room for no reason! Nothing wrong with them sharing a room and having twin beds. They can each get changed in the bathroom for privacy.

To me, this doesn't necessarily sound so much about the room share but about boundaries.
A man and wife can't hug in front of the DSD? Fair enough if they didn't do PDAs but they're both comfortable to do it in front of their DCs... But not DSD?
But DSD nuzzles up to her dad?...

Yes, could be the semantics.
But it sounds as though there's more going on...

My 2p's worth...

Yes, are you ok, op? Is this just the tip of an iceberg thing?

This thread is so weird.

Dad - Hey Weiner, fancy going to Alton Towers for the day?

Me - Uh YES!!!!

Dad - Great, seeing as it's a 3 hours drive there shall we stay over?

Me - Yeah, that's cool. I need to be back by 6 though, I'm seeing BF/bestie/going to the cinema.

Dad - No problem. Your Mum already told me. Listen, I'm too skint to get you your own room, will you be alright sharing one with me?

Me - Yes, but you snore, and fart, and you won't want to wear a onsie because old man body hair makes me boak. Can I have my own bed?

Dad - Too right you're having your own bed, you hair gets in my fave and you moan about my farting.

Me - Ok, fair enough. Wouldn't want my own room anyway in a place I don't know, makes me feel spooky! Anyway, can we go on Oblivion first?

Please forgive the poetic licence here, but I really don't see anything sinister at all if you dsd and DH get on well. And personally as a 17 year old as much as sharing with either my bio dad or dsdad filled me with shame because I was an awkward cow, I'd have hated staying in a room on my own (maybe because I've always been short and fat?)

@ "I'm short and dark so all was well".

I think the only inappropriateness on this thread is the implied notion that their is something incestuous or I hate typing this but mini wife yuk situation going on.

They are sharing a room not a bed. I slept in the same room as my father last week after a family party. There was limited space and apparently we both snore at the same pitch and decibel range (all lies I tell you) so we shared the lounge him on one sofa me on the other. No big deal.

OP I would be more concerned with the thoughts and feelings you have towards your SDD as they do sound inappropriate.

I hope they have nice time.

*Disclaimer I am a daughter, step mother & mother. I got the impression I needed to mention that

Love this response:
Is there time for her to fatten up a bit before the trip? Height is harder to fix.

Excellent!

ive shared a bed with my teenage son on holiday.

why shell out for two hotel rooms. just get a twin room. Its only one night.
Im not a stepmother. I was brought up with a stepfather though, and my partner is stepfather to my ds1.

My dp had a stepfather and stepmother.
The stepmother was insanely jealous of him as a child.

I think you really need to work on your own feelings about this/ Youre acting like your little family without her is perfect, and shes a weird imposter.

I'm a step mum and I think this is all a bit bizarre.

Your step daughter probably feels a bit threatened. She's had to go through her parents separating, their new relationships, whilst dealing with all her own teenage shit. So if she fancies a cuddle with her dad back the hell off and let her. He's her father.

Have some empathy and see it from the eyes of a teenager who's put up with the adults in her life messing up.

Oh and I regularly share a bed with my DP and five year old step daughter. We're filthy bastards. We even have breakfast in bed.

We even have breakfast in bed.

You should be ashamed of yourselves West I mean breakfast in bed think of he toast crumbs!

Travelling with near adult children often includes a certain amount a room sharing.
Being wary because SD is beautiful is very strange.

DH frequently has to share with 17 year old DS. At some stage, when DS is well into adulthood, that may well continue because ds2 cannot be in a strange room alone (SN). Or he may have to share with me and DD aged 15/16/17 will have to share with DH. Whatever is easiest.
People make sensible pragmatic choices. Reading a sexual element into them is in the ops mind.

Oh crap I am tall and slim but I have a face that only my mother loves so does that mean I'm ok to share a room with my dad?

What the hell does her being tall and slim have to do with it?

And "another adult female"...it's his daughter.

This thread is bizarre! At least the husband sounds sensible.

I love all the excellent satirical answers on this thread!

In answer to OP -- you're weird. Possibly listened to too much Serge Gainsbourg?

It wouldn't worry me if dp and DSD shared a bedroom while away. I wouldn't have done so with my father but we weren't close, meaning the only time spent with him was meal times.

I think your being a lil unreasonable, what if it was his son? Would you have a problem then? What exactly do you think they are going to be doing?

Btw, I'm a step mum

Oh sweet Jesus, Petal, can you not see the difference between permanent bedrooms and sharing a room while on holiday?

I've shared rooms with my dad or my brothers numerous times in my adulthoods, especially when on walking holidays. What do you think is going to happen? It's not there isn't a bathroom. Your post is bonkers.

This is so weird. If they are both ok with it from a privacy perspective I really do not see the problem. he should not enforce sharing on her though to save money if she would prefer her own room. Can you explain why you think that it makes a difference that you DSD has a stepmother as I am really struggling with the relevance. If you and your DP had a daughter together would you still be concerned about them sharing a twin room for a night on holiday when she is older? if it were a daughter going away with a step-father I could maybe very slightly understand the point a it more.

I'm a sm, I want to respond to you but I'm really struggling with my response.

Your references to your dsd's build and being another adult female, I don't know, they're just...well, icky.

Her being embarrassed by her father and sm showing physical affection, you seem to be implying that she is jealous.
But properly jealous, tbh your posts really do read that not only are you jealous/worried but that you consider there to be real reason for your feelings.
Are you suggesting that they have an inappropriate relationship?

Well that scared off the OP!!!
There is a very good thread on here about spousification of children when the parents are divorced. It is very real and very damaging to the child.
The OP feels uncomfortable with the jealousy and over affectionate relationship and the sharing a room is making that worse.
Last year I shared a room with my dc at a family members house for a
Week and they took turns to share the bed with me (they are 11 and 14).
It felt natural and quite normal to us all but I can see the OPs point too.

We also have separate male/female changing rooms and toilets

not in our houses we don't....and nor do we in hotel rooms where families share the room.