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Original poster

DH bring SD away for night

191 replies

stepontoes · 07/08/2014 12:07

Hi,
I'm new to this forum.
Can I run something by you that I'm totally confused by? My DH is taking his daughter (my step daughter who doesnt live with us) away for a day together as she normally goes on holidays with her biological mother and we go on holiday with our kids. She is 17 years of age, tall and slim and is always stuck to his side and quite touchy feely with him. He tells me they may stay the night somewhere. Do you think its ok for them to share a twin room or should they get two separate rooms? I'm so confused as find this step parenting is a minefield of emotions and so glad that there is a forum like this for other step-mothers as unless you are a step mother yourself it is very hard for others to understand the complex emotions you go through! Also, none of my friends are step mothers!
Thanks a lot
stepontoes

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Petal02 · 07/08/2014 13:23

Have you forgotten she's his daughter?

But that's precisely the point! It's inappropriate (thank god) for a father to share a room with his adult daughter.

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 07/08/2014 13:24

I used to go camping with my DDad throughout my teens and early twenties. It was normal. We shared a tent. I miss my DDad!
On one site in Norfolk he was worried that some of the other campers thought I was 'An old mans darling' as he put it, so I walked over to the water tap and bellowed, 'Dad, DAAAAD, the waters over here!' just to put his mind at rest and everyone else straight. I have never considered there was anything deemed odd about it though.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 07/08/2014 13:24

It's a bit cheap skate but it's not inappropriate at all.

Hakluyt · 07/08/2014 13:25

"But that's precisely the point! It's inappropriate (thank god) for a father to share a room with his adult daughter."

Why?

AlpacaMyBags · 07/08/2014 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 07/08/2014 13:26

Seriously, little wife syndrome!

Maybe she just loves her dad. Jesus, why does it have to be about competing for the man's affections?

Fwiw i have been a step mum to a very tall and slim step daughter and cannot imagine feeling like this.

Petal02 · 07/08/2014 13:27

Do I really need to explain why it's inappropriate? Or are people being deliberately obtuse?

Shedding · 07/08/2014 13:27

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ThinkIveBeenHacked · 07/08/2014 13:28

I dont think its inappropriate for an adult dd to share a room.with her dad. Im 30, my dad 53. if we were away the two of us somewhere we would just share a twin. Why ever not? especially for one night!

Now my mother on the other hand.....shed drive me potty in such close quarters!

Bakeoffshakeoff · 07/08/2014 13:28

"But that's precisely the point! It's inappropriate (thank god) for a father to share a room with his adult daughter."

No it isn't.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 07/08/2014 13:29

Yes Petal, you do

Why?

Original poster
stepontoes · 07/08/2014 13:29

Well at least some people don't think I'm being unreasonable. Would bet anything that they are step parents in same situation. Anyone who has read the excellent book "Step Monsters" will understand exactly where I'm coming from!

OP posts:
JohnFarleysRuskin · 07/08/2014 13:29

Im afraid so- because it looks like I have been inappropriate on 3 separate holidays Shock

MrsBungle · 07/08/2014 13:29

I genuinely do not see what is inappropriate about a dad and teenager daughter sharing a room for a night? I think it is odd to think it's inappropriate if they both want to.

Shedding · 07/08/2014 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
stepontoes · 07/08/2014 13:32

Ok thanks everyone. I got the feedback!!

OP posts:
splendide · 07/08/2014 13:32

Is there time for her to fatten up a bit before the trip? Height is harder to fix.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 07/08/2014 13:34

It's not inappropriate in the least for a father and adult daughter to share a room. Presuming they will give each other privacy when getting changed there is no other reason why it wouldn't be ok.

Bakeoffshakeoff · 07/08/2014 13:34

"I think it is odd to think it's inappropriate if they both want to"

Agree with you.

Petal02 · 07/08/2014 13:41

I've been looking at a few local authority websites, to see what their housing policy is on shared bedrooms, and they're quite consistent that once children are 8/10/12 (depending on which council you google) they should only share a bedroom with a same sex sibling.

We also have separate male/female changing rooms and toilets.

Because things like sleeping, changing, showering, going to the loo etc are activities that are inappropriate to carry out in the company of a member of the opposite sex (once you reach sexual maturity) unless of course, you're in a relationship with that person.

I'm sure someone will come along soon who can put that more eloquently than me.

elastamum · 07/08/2014 13:41

I simply don't understand why this should be an issue. If I am travelling alone with my teenage sons, we would quite happily all share a room. Same goes for if it is just me and one of them. Why on earth would we not? They are strapping young men, but I doubt anyone thinks they are my toy boys! If we were staying a long time we would book separate rooms, but that is more because they wont go to bed and get up when I do, and it drives me nuts

We also have a motorhome and I often share it with my DP, his 2 DS (in their 20s) and my two sons. One woman and 5 men in this case Shock

Hakluyt · 07/08/2014 13:54

"Do I really need to explain why it's inappropriate? Or are people being deliberately obtuse?"

I'm afraid you do. I need an explanation before I chuck away our tipi.

lecherrs · 07/08/2014 14:10

But housing is completely different to sharing a hotel room for one night. That is a completely irrelevant comment to make. There are many things in life that are acceptable for the odd occasion that would not be acceptable as a permanent solution.

Apart from anything else, privacy can be achieved via the ensuite bathroom. They simply get changed into pyjamas in the bathroom and again in the morning. You'd never see anything of the other person apart from fully dressed.

If DH and my DD were going away, and needed to bunk down for the night, I'd be happy with them staying in twin beds, but I would insist on DH wearing PJs (he hates them!)

In the OPs scenario, if I had a close relationship with the step daughter, and could say in a light way to her, "are you happy sharing a room with your dad, or would you rather I told him not to be such a skinflint and to fork out for another bedroom?" If she's happy with the situation then I wouldn't worry about it.

Littlefish · 07/08/2014 14:11

I went away on holiday with my dad when I was 20 and shared a twin room with him. I would never occur to me to be worried about it, or ask for a separate room. We used the bathroom to change in etc. for privacy.

I don't think there's anything wrong with it at all, as long as both parties are happy with the arrangement.

slithytove · 07/08/2014 14:17

I am not a stepmother.

BUT I AM A DAUGHTER.

Does that qualify me? I would share a room with my dad, my brother, hell even my BIL. I would also share a room with my female relatives because I feel just the same about them.

And I live with my husband, am 28 and haven't lived with my dad or brother for a decade. Would still share a room on holiday.

Nothing to do with you being a step parent this feeling, and all to do with you having inappropriate thoughts about your partners relationship with his daughter.

I'm not tall and slim though so perhaps that changes things? Hmm