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Original poster

DH bring SD away for night

191 replies

stepontoes · 07/08/2014 12:07

Hi,
I'm new to this forum.
Can I run something by you that I'm totally confused by? My DH is taking his daughter (my step daughter who doesnt live with us) away for a day together as she normally goes on holidays with her biological mother and we go on holiday with our kids. She is 17 years of age, tall and slim and is always stuck to his side and quite touchy feely with him. He tells me they may stay the night somewhere. Do you think its ok for them to share a twin room or should they get two separate rooms? I'm so confused as find this step parenting is a minefield of emotions and so glad that there is a forum like this for other step-mothers as unless you are a step mother yourself it is very hard for others to understand the complex emotions you go through! Also, none of my friends are step mothers!
Thanks a lot
stepontoes

OP posts:
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jessiemummy28 · 07/08/2014 20:30

Ps I am slim but not particularly tall, not sure if that makes a difference??!!

Pagwatch · 07/08/2014 20:33

I simply don't understand that Petal.
If you don't think there is some sort of sexual under current then precisely what could make you uncomfortable?

That makes no sense.

Lucked · 07/08/2014 20:35

Just watching Modern Family repeat on sky. The one where Jay and Claire go to closet com and share a hotel room. Mainstream America think this is fine and they are prudes!

Petal02 · 07/08/2014 20:36

I would be uncomfortable if DH and his 20-something daughter were room-sharing, because i don't think it's right, and because normally the only adults who share a room with the opposite sex, are those who are in a relationship.

I wouldn't be comfortable sharing a room with my Dad or brother either.

Romeyroo · 07/08/2014 20:38

I would have felt uncomfortable with DD and my now separated H sharing a room, but he was her stepdad, not her dad. I would have had no issue with my stepdd staying with her dad (now separated H). I would also have no issue with DD staying with her own dad.

I would share a twin room with my own DF, apart from the fact that he snores - he's my DAD, he has cared for me, not always perfectly but I wouldn't want to leave him in his own, unless he was okay with that. You want to make sure people you love are okay. And yes, father and daughters LOVE each other, it is not sexual and it is certainly NOT wifely. What a bizarre thing to say.

I would honestly do the suggestion if checking the dd is okay with it and then stepping away.

NickiFury · 07/08/2014 20:38

"Normal classic psychology". No it isn't at all, it's ONE psychologist "Freud" and many of his theories are widely argued against.

slithytove · 07/08/2014 20:44

Why isn't it right Petal?

What age does it become wrong?

And I consider myself able to share a room with anyone of any age, because regardless of gender or sexuality, I don't fancy people I'm related to. I don't fancy most people I'm not related to!

And it certainly wouldn't be a twin room I'd share with DH.

Petal02 · 07/08/2014 20:44

Of course, we're not looking at this in terms of regular family relationships, but the rather skewed, exaggerated behaviour that seems to manifest itself between the non-resident parent and 'child.' And in that context, it's even more understandable that the OP is uncomfortable.

BOFster · 07/08/2014 20:46

Why would somebody who joined to post creepy insinuations about their "tall and slim" stepdaughter need their hand held? Confused A mumsnet kick up the arse seems more appropriate.

NameChanged1967 · 07/08/2014 20:48

This is the weirdest thing ever. People thinking there's anything odd or uncomfortable with parents sharing rooms with their opposite sex late-teen children.

I have 3 boys, ages 16 to 19. We went on holiday for 2 weeks and had 2 rooms. I shared with the 16 year old.

Once a year I take them each away separately and we share a room, have done for years.

And once a year we all share one room in a Premier Inn for a night.

And?

Hakluyt · 07/08/2014 20:48

Petal- if there is no suggestion of anything incestuous, why is it inappropriate?

slithytove · 07/08/2014 20:57

What? Being non resident makes it worse?

I haven't lived with my dad since I was 17-18. Brother since I was 16. I'd still share a twin room with them on holiday.

Perhaps in that context you describe Petal, it's understandable that DSD is touchy feely and glued to his side, as she only gets to see her dad when around her stepmum who clearly has an issue with their relationship. Perhaps she feels she has to declare some ownership over the very precious father daughter relationship.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 07/08/2014 21:13

So much of this smacks of a girl, paticularly a tall slim girl, being somehow dangerous or tempting. It's frankly quite horrifying that people think like this but when I look around at how women are treated in the media I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

Young women are sexual objects, not real people at all. Sad

WienerDiva · 07/08/2014 21:17

Wish you'd comeback OP. There are people on here who want to help you put this into perspective.

Petal, it's up to you if YOU don't feel comfortable sharing a room with certain relatives.

This the father and daughter in question both seemingly feel it's ok and not inappropriate. Just because it's alien to you, it isn't necessarily so to everyone else.

I've just read the OP and from what I gather the OP and DH have dc of their own. Would the OP have issues of room sharing between any of them?

I think it's sounds like an awful lot of confused and mixed emotions and possibly a bit of jealousy from the OP dsd.

Poor chap is caught right the middle.

Kaluki · 07/08/2014 21:27

I don't blame the OP for not coming back!!!
Mumsnet at its finest!!!

NickiFury · 07/08/2014 21:30

I agree kaluki. Lots of good sense on this thread.

Deverethemuzzler · 07/08/2014 21:33

FFS 'mumsnet at its finest'

What a load of crap.

Bakeoffshakeoff · 07/08/2014 21:35

Even MNHQ like the advice we've given on this thread

MarmiteMania · 07/08/2014 21:43

Op I suppose the way you have to look at it is would you feel the same if it was your own dd when that age sharing a room with dh? As it is the same thing for him.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 07/08/2014 21:57

Kaluki you mean that sarcastically but I think it genuinely is.

FlossyMoo · 07/08/2014 22:14

Yes Kaluki you are correct.

Mumsnet at it's finest. Many posters giving honest opinions and dispelling these silly views on MWS/ spousification and general oddness.

Bliss.

Maryz · 07/08/2014 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WienerDiva · 07/08/2014 22:26

Just on a side note.

Even if the world and it's uncle thinks someone looks like a bulldog chewing on a pissed on thistle. Dads normally think their daughters are the most beautiful beings in the universe.

Maryz · 07/08/2014 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Polyethyl · 07/08/2014 22:35

My father and I used to sail together often. Father and adult daughter sleeping in a cabin in opposite bunks. Shock! Gasp! Scandal.