I hate my step kids!

[Tappergirl]

They live with us full time, are parasites, and have ruined my relationship with my husband. Now though, I blame it on him for being spineless and taking every spat as my fault. I dont want to walk away but I can not see another option :-(

Many thanks Pag

I have nipped out an got myself a large Costa, drank it, re-read my post and still cannot see any anger or back story. Maybe Dozie has better coffee than me

WakeyCakey45 - I'm interested in your comment about "successful blended families where everyone puts the children first."

I live in a (very) successful blended family but it is successful precisely because we don't put the children first. We put the family first.

OP I am horrified by your behaviour. Your selfishness and cruel attitude to those children (and yes they will always be DHs children) know no bounds. The DSCs will be on the stately homes thread one day. Many step parents have a difficult time, but post here showing that they know there is another side to the issue. You just hate the children for being alive.

I would remove you from all contact with the DSCs if I could. You need help but I've no idea what kind. I don't think I have seen a nastier poster on MN.

Bonsoir I have to agree that the family come first.
Children should normally come first but that is within reason, there are many situations some of which I've seen on mn, where they can't; when parents are sick, in labour or miscarrying, bereavements, exams, job interviews etc etc or even sometimes on smaller matters that are very important on a personal level ie you wouldn't give a dsd who comes eow the biggest room with an en suite and have dad and step mum in the box room that can't fit a double bed in.
It's extremely important for the family as a whole to balance everyone's needs and obviously the kids may have more needs . But I think many problems arise when the kids have to come first all the time no matter what. Particularly as parents who divorce can ruin kids by going too far and spoiling them by giving into their every whim because they feel guilty!

I am wondering why Flossy is so invested in this thread and the ops's probs, hence the projecting query.

On a different thread by the OP I asked if his refusal to speak to her/discuss it was because her opening gambit was an instant criticism of his children. For whatever reason she never answered

Her perfect world of 2 no longer exists and she puts all the blame for that on to the kids

I wonder if this was because
she never thought they would win

She could mould them in to the children she wanted

She shows more compassion for her dogs

I mean ..... move on Flossy, I doubt the OP cares what your views are how many threads have you read? how much time is it taking up? What are you trying to prove - ooooo the OP is a reaaaaaaally nasty lady?? So what!

I'm glad you cleared that up because to the casual observer it looked as if you picked a neutral post by Flossy to be an absolute twat and then finished it off with a passive aggressive grin

Wow. As night falls the OP leaps between incomprehensible and deeply abusive yet it's waltermitty who gets the most deletions?

That's how MN works is it? Okaaaay.

Hey, Tappergirl, you've been asked this a few times but have declined to comment so far.

Does your husband know that you hate his children, think his daughter is "a little bitch" who you "can't stand, she's so up her own backside", "mini-wife" and a "princess" who is so unwelcome by you that she can't even watch tv harmlessly in the family sitting room without being accused of "hogging the lounge".

Well? Does he?

Because if he doesn't know exactly what language you use about his children I think you owe it to him to tell him, just as a cheating spouse gets told by MNers to own up to it so that their partner can decide on how or whether to progress with the marriage while in possession of the full facts.

Not trying to prove the OP is a nasty lady. She has done that all by herself.

I would say I am as invested as anyone else. I am a SM and would never think of my DSC's the way the OP has so I find it very hard to understand and have hung around in an attempt to get a handle on it.

The thread itself has discussed some very interesting issues such as 'mini wife' and links to blogs by vile women who call themselves step mothers.

I am also not the first to refer to the OP's other threads as they are along the same vain and are linked by there content to this one.

I am at a loss to see what your issue is with me Dozie?

I am so pleased at how the thread has turned out. I've been around here a long time and there used to be such a good, supportive feel. And balance too. If someone was being a dick they were told, and there was more of a feel of insightful women just getting on with difficult situations, with a whole load of unconditional love.

I've hated how the labels mini- wife and Disney-dad now get trotted out at almost any situation. I hate labels anyway.

For a long time I've felt unable to offer much advice. I'd like to think I can be helpful because of my experience of being a SM for many years. I left xh and have ended up with DSD living with me after both mum and dad let her down. I gave up my lounge so she could have a room and supported her without any financial help from her dad for either our own dd or his. A troubled and angry teen who had had no boundaries was really tough to suddenly be dealing with but we've muddled through.

But it's become so hard to post as it feels like anything that may support things from the child's point of view, or the xw's point of view or suggesting that people own their own reactions and emotions gets shouted down, or you have your posts dissected and challenged aggressively.

It would be lovely to have a bit of balance on the board again.

Actually Dozie I thank you for you post about me. It only goes to highlight what I said yesterday.

Some poster's only agenda is to shut you down no matter what point or opinion you are trying to convey.

I will no longer be affected by it nor will I leave a thread because of it.
You may not like what I have to say and you are free to voice that opinion but I will not let your POV stop me posting mine.

There's your back story

I knew I'd be deleted.

MN hasn't been a balanced or fair place for a very long time. To be frank, I think if HQ could be arsed to look at posts surrounding the reported ones they could actually do a lot more good but I guess that's too much effort!

Someone has had a marvellous time with the report button though, huh?! :)

I'll say this: for a long, long time the step board has not been a place to get balanced, good, unbiased advice. It has been somewhere that a few have ruled - a dictatorship of sorts.

If you weren't completely against your horrible stepchildren and their horrible mother you were shouted down and told you don't belong.

Well, I DO belong here. I'm a poster on MN. That means I can post anywhere I fucking well want to!

I'm also a SM but that's incidental.

I'm a compassionate human being with a shred of decency for all members of a blended family.

I'm thrilled about this thread because if it means that posters are refusing to be run off the board by a select few then something good has come of it.

Unfortunately, I don think Tapper will ever change. But hopefully neither she nor anyone else will get away with the vitriol as much.

Flossy as you say dozie is one of THOSE SM that have we have been talking about throughout this thread, so she's best ignored.

And to clarify there's hardly any, of them, most women on the board are reasonable women who really do have to put up with a boat load of crap because they're in a very difficult situation.

It's absolutely nothing to do with being a SM and that's what's always irritated me about the constant shrieks of bullying and step mother bingo. It's everything to do with being a total inflexible, jealous, control freak and unfortunately dealing with the demands of children or people who are not their own or who are "in the way" of their romantic relationship brings out the worst in them. We all know people like this and they're not ALL step parents. Unfortunately some particularly unpleasant ones have managed to colour this entire board with their screwed up ideas and made it a really nasty place to be (unless you're one of them!)

It's fine to be loyal and defend your "friends" on here but there are some things that are indefensible and well balanced people would know this and not blindly defend or use other people's vitriol as a reason to justify or defend their own.

Believe it or not I rarely go on there, only ever when a thread appears in "active" and it's the same few names again and again. Without wishing to sound dramatic I do wonder how much damage has been done to already wobbly stepmothers who are NATURALLY struggling with feelings of resentment to be bombarded with that kind of poison i.e mini wives.

Honestly though, I don't think it will change overmuch because most people don't need to post there so it will just go back to business as usual when this fuss quietens down.

I hope you're right Walter.

I hope more posters who maybe felt like me can now post on the SM boards and not be bullied off for sometimes siding with the children or ex. I feel any discussion or debate needs to have input from all sides of the spectrum otherwise it just becomes more of a members only affair and anyone new must conform or leave with a tongue lashing.

Tappers threads could easily flow so differently. Nobody is saying she can't be angry/frustrated, parents get like that with bio children but her level of vitriol and lack of compassion towards her SDC's and the abusive manner directed to posters is what makes her threads all turn out the same way.

Good morningNicky

Well said both of you. I'm here with a placard that says bring "back the balance".

Morning flossy

This thread has turned out quite nicely hasn't it? Considering it's origins.

It's kind of grimly fascinating though isn't it?

If you read it through its an excercise in bait and switch.
Every time a point feels lost , a new point is picked up for 'attack'.
Once the 'opt in/SN' point went to hell it was just dropped and it switched to something else. Then, once literally no one could defend the op anymore without looking like an arse, the whole 'supporting through uni' was suddenly picked up again.

There does seem to be a section on here that just want to 'win' and to hell with reason , logic or even consequences. Is it an ego thing? I assumed it was a few posters feeling under attack but it seems more arrogant than that.

It has Nicki It also has a good balance of different types of parents on it ifswim.

For me this thread shows that parents from different family mixes can have valid input and interesting thought provoking things to say. It also shows up those who are the loud voices of the SP boards and see themselves as the never to be questioned or crossed unless you want to be shooed off with a flea in your ear types.

Having a board that only bashes SP's is of course not productive or helpful but neither is having a board where SP's are never questioned or encouraged to see things differently.

Does your husband know that you hate his children, think his daughter is "a little bitch" who you "can't stand, she's so up her own backside", "mini-wife" and a "princess" who is so unwelcome by you that she can't even watch tv harmlessly in the family sitting room without being accused of "hogging the lounge".

Sadly i would guess that he does, or at very least strongly suspects. When someone speaks about another person as disgustingly as OP has about her step daughter it isnt actually that person who causes that language. It's the person who is using it who chooses that language. And if they are choosing that language this suggests they deem it an appropriate way to talk about people. Its very likely that OP doesnt only talk about her SD like this. More than likely she will have had drunken ranty conversations with her DH about other people she dislikes. Unless he is very naive he will be aware of her feelings about his DD and wil have guessed that she is venting to someone about his children. You cant hide that side of your personality from the person you live with after ten years. By this stage he will have seen OP, warts and all and would have to have a particularly strong set of rose tinted spectacles on to not be aware of how OP talks about his children. However i suspect she has told him to his face. In a drunken temper tantrum, knowing he'd let her away with it.

There does seem to be a section on here that just want to 'win' and to hell with reason , logic or even consequences. Is it an ego thing? I assumed it was a few posters feeling under attack but it seems more arrogant than that.

I had to re-reg after the password fiasco but I've been here a very long time.

I don't know if it's ego or some perceived sense of ownership, or even a feeling of superiority.

Personally, I think it's a backlog of bitterness. Perhaps posters' lives are balanced now but they weren't always (nor was mine with sd).

I think some hate their SC. Really hate them and this colours everything. I think they will always defend fellow stepmothers who aren't looking to do anything other than be spiteful and nasty about their SC and their mothers.

There's no rational discussion, no conceding that maybe they are being unreasonable.

And as soon as you back them into a corner they tell you that you don't belong here.

But, I think it's fair to say that the 'harpies' here on MN have experience of a "troublesome ex" or "giant prat syndrome" or both!

So the responses and generalisations about "generally ok" situations just don't apply.

Wakey MN has very few harpies - I was refering to the poisonous person who invented the vile cocept.

And okay I was being a bit frivolous in my summary, but there is a serious point about children (and their perfectly normal behaviour) being identified as 'the problem' and scapegoated for difficulties adults create (or non-existent difficulties).