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Step-parenting

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Original poster

I hate my step kids!

999 replies

Tappergirl · 30/07/2014 23:07

They live with us full time, are parasites, and have ruined my relationship with my husband. Now though, I blame it on him for being spineless and taking every spat as my fault. I dont want to walk away but I can not see another option :-(

OP posts:
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Original poster
Tappergirl · 30/07/2014 23:52

The fact of the matter is, I bought this house from the equity of the one I lived in before I met DH. He went through near bankruptcy with ex wife. I put him on this mortgage because I trusted him. Now the hous is jointy owned. I agreed to take his "then" kids on, not ever knowing what effect it would have on our then wonderful relationship. Now everything is shit, and why should I leave a house which was just my own at one point?

I feel like I am being taken for granted, and starting to hate my husband. Thank god I love my job!

OP posts:
Maryz · 30/07/2014 23:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MysteriousCircusZebra · 30/07/2014 23:54

Where do you see this ending op?

EthicalPickle · 30/07/2014 23:55

Would you leave him if there were no financial complications?

Fairenuff · 30/07/2014 23:56

So what do you want to do then OP?

theendoftheendoftheend · 30/07/2014 23:57

'then' kids? I'm sorry at what age do your children cease to be your children?

HeyBabyBaby71 · 30/07/2014 23:57

Gosh. I'm really sorry to hear you were forced to marry him.

DiaDuit · 30/07/2014 23:59

So then what OP? If you wont leave, and i dont blame you for not wanting to, then what? Start divorce proceedings? Sell the house and work out who is entitled to what and move on with your life? Or stay? And do this, forever. Because they wont go away. They are always going to be his children and he is always going to feel guilty about them. He wont ever put you first like he used to and you will always resent them. This is how it is now.

DiaDuit · 31/07/2014 00:00

heybaby stop being silly.

Original poster
Tappergirl · 31/07/2014 00:01

Thanks, you are just all driving me to the point of fucking jumping off a cliff. Anyone who feels they would like to contact me personally the let me know and we could sort out a way perhaps...

OP posts:
Original poster
Tappergirl · 31/07/2014 00:04

Forced to marry him hey? No no we had a gorgeous marriage abroad!

OP posts:
DiaDuit · 31/07/2014 00:05

OP people are trying to help you work through to find out what you want to do. It's not on to be so rude. I get that you are in a shitty place but at some point you have to decide to help yourself and not just expect people to pat your back and say 'there there'

Fairenuff · 31/07/2014 00:06

But OP, what is it that you want anyone to say? What do you hope to achieve by staying in this situation? Surely you would be happier away from it, even if it means a financial sacrifice Confused

Patrickstarisabadbellend · 31/07/2014 00:08

As a parent I would never choose anyone over my children. Be happy Op.

Original poster
Tappergirl · 31/07/2014 00:14

Well I guess from all your comments I should be leaving after 10 years together. Its a struggle considering they are 18 and 17 but apparently my marriage is worth fuck all. Going to fucking top myself thanks for your support.

OP posts:
EthicalPickle · 31/07/2014 00:15

OP, do you have RL friends or family that you can discuss this with?

You have had similar responses to other threads that you have posted. It's hard to know what you want. Confused

brdgrl · 31/07/2014 00:15

Tapper, I have the utmost sympathy (especially tonight, having sat through a dinner where DSD19 whined yet again about being exhausted from her difficult day of binge-watching television).

I worry about you and how you will ever be able to resolve any of this. Your DH seems to just have no interest in addressing things, whatsoever, and like you say, it's just becoming a cycle. You need to break that cycle. I understand exactly why you don't want to walk away - you have so many good years invested in the relationship as it was.
I think you should consider a trial separation, at least. You just can't go on like this. I am also worried that you don't have any RL support, because posting here can be good but it can also be ghastly.

DiaDuit · 31/07/2014 00:16

Right, well. See you back here in a few days with the same script then OP?

Hmm
Fairenuff · 31/07/2014 00:17

You don't have to make any decisions right now OP. But if you want your situation to change you will have to make those changes when you are ready. It's not going to happen by itself.

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 31/07/2014 00:22

Tapper, now you're blaming MNers for your situation. I guess that says a lot. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with them but in the end you have a choice:

(1) Leave and make sacrifices for the sake of your own sanity
(2) Stay and tolerate what ever is happening.

If really is that simple. The mortgage, the house and even your ten years together are not worth staying for if you really, truly 'HATE' them. You have a choice; it's up to you to decide if you're going to release yourself or carry on making your life hell and probably making the life of your DP and step kids hell too.

Personally, if I was your DP and I heard you say you 'hated' my DC, I wouldn't bother waiting for you to make a choice. I would never subject my children to living with someone who hated them.

Maryz · 31/07/2014 00:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Tappergirl · 31/07/2014 00:31

He never felt anything for his kids when I first met him. That is weird that he now protects them and I am the evil stepmom. I am in a situation where i have 2 dogs and I love them immensely. One who is ill so I can't afford to bugger off cos she is is my friend. I can't just leave!

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DiaDuit · 31/07/2014 00:34

Oh stop OP! Of course he felt something for his children. If he didnt he wouldnt have maintained contact with them for those years. He would have taken them full time when their mother became too ill to care for them.

Btw- you take your dogs with you when you go.

DiaDuit · 31/07/2014 00:35

He wouldnt have taken them full time.

Original poster
Tappergirl · 31/07/2014 00:43

Offs it was my final decision we take on the kids, much to my detriment. There was no other fucking choice. Dogs, no you can't take them anywhere rented. How old are some of you?

My husband has become a real twat and I loved him once........

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