I hate my step kids!

[Tappergirl]

They live with us full time, are parasites, and have ruined my relationship with my husband. Now though, I blame it on him for being spineless and taking every spat as my fault. I dont want to walk away but I can not see another option :-(

I have a dog. I rent. You can take dogs to rented property.

OP do you honestly, honestly believe it is just your husband and his Dcs at fault here? Do you think your attitude might contribute to this unbearable situation?

You sound incredibly hostile. Are you giving this off in real life too? What do you want to happen? Do you want them to leave home? Do you think things will go back to how they were before the SC came to live with you?

Yes, I remember your old threads too.

If we all said, as I think you would like us to, "Yes OP, your step children are awful and your husband is wrong to prefer them over you", what would it change?

Yes, you would feel supported and validated here, but what would it change in your real life?

I guess that to you it doesn't feel fair. You had the husband and lifestyle that you wanted and yet you feel that though no fault of your own you've lost that and are now in an infinitely worse position, whether you stay or go and that must feel very unfair.

But OP, life is not fair.

You need to accept that and then move on, because frankly you are wasting your precious life away in a situation that you cannot change.

I don't think you actually want anything from us OP, you just want to rant. You are not giving any indication of what it is that you actually want to change which would suggest that you don't want to change anything, you just want to have regular moans about your family.

tapper. I don't think this thread is helping, how about signing off for the night, hiding the thread forever and seeking some real life support.

Maybe, in the light of day things won't seem quite as bad as they do right at this moment..... and, even if things really are this bad, you might feel a bit more able to look at things more pragmatically.

You have a lot to think about.

Tapper, this situation is not good for you. It is bringing you to your knees. You really need to get out. The house can be sorted, but as long as you stay there, you are just putting off the inevitable and being hurt further.

Yeah thanks. Much appreciated by all. One hopefully going off to Uni, but it doesn't alleviate the fact that my DH is an arse who does not understand the effect having his teens living with us full time is having on his wife.

Ethical, I have had rl support. It's crap and costs a fortune for something you already know.....

Not on OP!

If this is how you respond to everything you dont want to hear then it is no wonder at all you struggle to improve your relationships in RL.

For what? Telling you the truth? Am I wrong, then OP. Do you actually want something from the posters who have taken the time to respond to you? Do you want to discuss your options and how to go about effecting change? Or do you just want to rant?

Tapper, I know you had counseling before and paid quite a lot for it. But it doesn't have to be that expensive, not at all. Even for a private, for-profit counselor. It is also important to see the right one...DH and I got nowhere with one who wanted to talk endlessly about our 'families of origin' but once we switched to one who was much more practical and focused on identifying active strategies, things got much better. You don't have to go with DH, either, maybe just having someone to vent to would be useful - especially someone who has a bit of real experience with 'blended families' and doesn't spout a bunch of cliches.

I don't understand why posters are jumping on to have a go, although I do understand that Tapper has (as she says herself) got into a bot of a cycle. Maybe Tapper would just like a rant. You aren't required to read it, frankly - if you see her name, you can simply skip the thread.

Ranting can be therapeutic. No one is required to to take advice or action as a prerequisite of posting here.

I think if tapper just wants to vent then maybe she could say that in her OP because otherwise people will assume she wants advice and then get frustrated when she gets agressive and abusive after they offer it. Its not fair to expect people to guess which threads are just cents and which are genuine pleas for advice and then get nasty when they offer advice.

I wondered that too maryz although didnt realise the husband had a concern about alcohol too.

I think if tapper just wants to vent then maybe she could say that in her OP because otherwise people will assume she wants advice
Yes, I suppose that would be a good idea. I hope it would help.

I think passing speculative remarks about alleged drinking problems, raised on another thread, is probably not helpful and it isn't really on, either.

I do feel bad for you, because as far as I can tell they only came to live with you within the last few years? That is hard, as it is not what you expected when you married. The goalposts have been changed on you.

However...they are his children. There is nothing you can do now except adjust or divorce. Or maybe counselling.

Good luck. And it isn't nice to call people shits.

No, of course it's not.
But people really don't need to post over and over again on her thread(s). Surely that is not helping to defuse a situation.

OP, I have no advice about step-parenting as I am not one. I can understand that 'parasitic' teenagers are about as bad as it comes.

Look at it another way. You have brought this wonderful spouse into your life. Then comes along two teenagers who have probably not 'chosen' this for themselves. You did not automatically want this but this is part of your wonderful spouse's family. So you have a two dynamics going on within your household - see I get that this was somehow your investment that contains this duo-dynamic household. Your spouse, and your spouse plus two offspring.

The strength you have here is your original relationship with your DH. A good tip I was once taught when dealing with 'spineless' people we have in our lives including spouses or say, irrational/shitty/spineless colleagues or bosses, is to recognise their weak spots and support them regardless. Pick up the slack, let them know they are supported, treat them with kindliness rather than complaint.

In short, support your partner.

In terms of the teenagers. Accept them and allow your dh to cope with them. Support him in whichever way, they will not be there forever.

I have not read your previous threads, it is possible that I am repeating pp.
I'd say keep going, and that you CAN transform this situation.

Ah, this is many, many, threads. And they all go the same way.

There's a difference between having a rant and abusing everyone who responds.

Also, if you just wanted to vent, a forum where people converse with each other about differing views is not the best place to do it.

Do you really believe he felt nothing for his children when you met?