Who here had an affair and got away with it?

[kiwimuma]

Following on from another post about what stops you having an affair, I'm curious about if anyone has any stories about actually going through with it and not getting caught/not regretting it

A very good friend of mine just told me she has been seeing another man on and off. They are both married and have A NSA thing. Neither are wanting to leave their marriages for each other. She told me that as a result of this, she's realised how little attention her and her hubby actually paid to each other, and how little effort they put in, and it's helped her relationship with hubby hugely. What are others thoughts?

(I appreciate there'll be a load of people here who vehemently disagree with the idea. That's cool too and your point of view is already well known )

It was a statement about kidding themselves about getting away with it. My thought stands. They get away with it.

The morals about agreeing to something different is not what I was responding to.

What on Earth is the point of chastising posters on here!? It’s a thread to understand the other side in a situation. It’s informative and insightful. Why use these posters as an emotional punching bag all it will do is stifle the conversation. If you enter this topic you’re going to see stuff that is upsetting that’s the price you pay to get the information. Why can’t people accept that not everyone thinks / feels like they do?

And as for the bloke who has found affair partners at head office that does anal and blowjobs. I hope not in that order but that’s my only concern with the situation.

NC for obvious reasons.
I would really like to have an affair. Or maybe just a one off. No emotional ties.

I am too scared though.

Can I ask why, burningwater? As in, what’s your motivation for actively seeking (no judgment behind the question).

I am very happily married, been together from early 20's for me. Now middle aged, I am keen to experiment, he isn't.

So I fantasize.

Not sure I will ever make it a reality as I do love DH very much and I recognize that fantasy never matches reality. Also wouldn't have a clue about where to even start. And I can't bear the thought of him ever finding out.

But the thought is still there.

I recognise that impulse. I’ve been with my DP for since early 20s. Now mid-30s and I have some real kinks that he’s just not interested in and is actually pretty judgmental about. It’s very hard to talk to him about it.

The one off event with a co-worker I discussed upthread became an affair, which we ended earlier this week. It was an amazing bit of personal liberation for me, sexually and I feel like I’m putting her away in a box now and it makes me sad.

I’m going to speak to my OH about our relationship when I see him next week. I’m really nervous about how it’s going to end up. Last time I tried, we almost broke up and I thought he was going to crash the car...

Anyway, having an affair is complicated. I didn’t set out for one, but I definitely made the choice to turn what could have been a one night thing into one. It has been emotionally complicated, and hard to unpick the feelings about my own relationship. You sound different, you say your relationship is happy. You can have an affair and not get caught if you’re smart - there’s no reason my OH would ever know unless I told him - but compartmentalising the feelings is hard. Doable, but hard.

Have you ever talked to your DH about your desire to experiment?

It's been very interesting reading through this whole thread from the beginning. No judgement here from me. I completely understand the negative view points raised but also agree that no affair is black and white.
I have been with my dh for 15years. We are happy and have a pretty good sex life. I, like another poster said, also have a child with SEN. I work part time but I feel like I'm on my own with our ds. I am constantly fighting for his needs and struggling with his behaviour. My dh doesn't understand all of his needs and Dr can't communicate them properly. I also do most of the housework, running round after after child, manage the finances etc. I have a stressful high responsibility job. Don't get me wrong I'm well aware that i have created a rod here and as much as I've tried to pass on some responsibility to dh, it hasn't worked. He will help out with the kids if i want to go out (a couple of evenings a month maybe, sometimes more) but I feel lost to be honest.
I meet a guy at work just over 2years ago who i went to uni with 9 years prior. We flirted a lot, he helped me with practical stuff for my son. We sent messages and cuddled a bit and the tension was electric. I actually looked forward to going to work. He was due to get married a few months later so nothing physical happened. We had text sex the week before he got married. He got married anyway. It was tricky in work after so he left a few weeks later. We passed the occasional message for about a year or so. Then the messages started again. We've had text sex twice in the past 6 weeks and I will admit I'm loving it. My dh knows nothing so I feel guilty but not guilty. The guy has suggested meeting up for 'one off sex. Neither of us have any intention of leaving our partners, will just be sex. Once then I have to move on as he has consumed my thoughts for too long.
I'm not looking for a way out. Just one night of release and passion with someone that can allow me to forget everything for a couple of hours. I personally think we've been messaging/phoning this long that 1 night will not be found out.

I’ve had a few very discreetly. Used day use website to book hotels.

It’s beyond exciting. It makes you feel hot and sexy. Love being married, I just love dirty hotel sex with someone I don’t know so well!!

I was in two relationships for three years at the same time. I was just out of a horrible traumatic relationship. Both men knew about each other. One had been been married for years and had one affair and this ended his marriage. He then became jealous of the other man I was seeing. This other man was married, stable marriage, he had multiple affairs but started to want more from me. I ended both at the same time.
I enjoyed both men for different reasons. I never felt any guilt about the married man's wife at all. He had many affairs, I believe she knew but the money in the marriage and social standing, strong family and friends networks they both had probably meant a lot to both of them.
I ended it suddenly and cut off all contact - he tried to contact me even by post but once I was done, I was done. It is one of the flip sides of entering into an affair, he didn't expect that to happen I don't think.
It was exciting at the time but then he started talking about work, family blah blah blah. I really wasn't interested.

I have name changed for this but @otherwoman40 your post really struck a chord. Since hitting my late 30's I have had something of a reawakening sexually following some new male attention. I haven't acted on it yet. I don't want to leave my marriage but I do want to explore a different side of myself. I have been taking and sexting with an ex collegue for a few months now - which I know is crossing a line anyway and we are building to meeting up (he is single) - I feel like it is something I need to get out of my system as terrible a person as that makes me.

Someone I'd been friends with for over 30 years had an affair just because she was bored with married life. She thought it was great fun and asked me several times to be her scapegoat. I refused, she got angry with me about it and I lost all respect for her. I ended our friendship several months later. Her affair ended just after. She's still married.

@cushioncovers that is very unfair that she asked you to cover for her.

I also found myself in the same situation as you earlier this year and that once very good friendship has now cooled dramatically.

Whilst I won't condemn her for the affair (I'm not a saint myself) I won't lie for her. I think that is beyond the realms of friendship.

Do you think you’ll ever be close friends again?

In what way are you not a saint?
Not judging, just curious.