Who here had an affair and got away with it?

[kiwimuma]

Following on from another post about what stops you having an affair, I'm curious about if anyone has any stories about actually going through with it and not getting caught/not regretting it

A very good friend of mine just told me she has been seeing another man on and off. They are both married and have A NSA thing. Neither are wanting to leave their marriages for each other. She told me that as a result of this, she's realised how little attention her and her hubby actually paid to each other, and how little effort they put in, and it's helped her relationship with hubby hugely. What are others thoughts?

(I appreciate there'll be a load of people here who vehemently disagree with the idea. That's cool too and your point of view is already well known )

I think thats what i struggle with, as does my ExH. He doesnt see the impact it had on the kids. He still kids himself that it only effected the adults. I get left with the emotional fall out.

Affairs when kids are involved are black and white. And its naive to think you'll not get caught and it not to impact your children.

Tbh, my dad needed to be better. He was too much in giggly teenager mode and moved back here from abroad. That was what upset me - seemed like he cared more about her than us. I was old enough to understand that people fall out of love (and I'm guessing my mum did a good job of explaining that)

@CursedDiamond - seeing friends or at the gym.
it’s only once a week on average I see him. Going to the cinema with a friend, over there house for a cup of tea or out for a drink.

I work part time so any lunches are in the day on my day off.

I don’t feel stress very easily so I don’t find it difficult.

One of my children has severe SEN as well. To the point that if me and his dad split up or he found out about me and OM (my partner I mean) my son wouldn’t understand any of it as he doesn’t have the mental capacity to acknowledge it.

One of my children has severe SEN as well. To the point that if me and his dad split up or he found out about me and OM (my partner I mean) my son wouldn’t understand any of it as he doesn’t have the mental capacity to acknowledge it.

Why do what you are doing then?!
I’ve been lurking on this thread mostly disgusted and saddened but that really is a whole other level!

The suffering and confusion your child would be forced to endure around the fallout and for what?
A bit of cock and excitement.

Sickening.
How you can have such little consideration for your child’s wellbeing.

@Fucksandflowers - are you thick ? My child wouldn’t even know so absolutely no harm or suffering or even confusion would come to him and he would carry on as normal.

To be honest I don’t care what you think either.

Come off it.
Of course your child would be affected, he needs you more than most.
I can’t believe you would be so inconsiderate and thoughtless.
You carry on kidding yourself though.
Nothing is more important than a bit of cock

@Fucksandflowers - you don’t have a clue about my child so you can’t say if he will be affected or not.
Considering I know his disabilities and you don’t I’m pretty sure I know how it would affect him

Ah, now I understand why you are too much of a coward to leave your marriage,

Lover boy (and alot of other men) would run a mile from someone with a child who wouldn’t even know if there parents were still together.

Good luck ‘living your life’

@Otterhound - thanks!

It’s true I don’t personally know you or your child and I do have sympathy, it must be extremely difficult for parents of children with severe SEN and/or disability but at the same time I suspect that if you were discovered the fallout would indeed negatively affect him.

The whole atmosphere around him would change, all his routines he is used to would change.

I hope for your and his sake your right though.
And I hope for your husband and your OMs wife and family you never get caught.

As chucklecheeks1 said, it’s naive to think you won’t be caught and it not impact your children.
I agree with that 100%.

Otterhound and Fucksandflowers why are you on this thread and who voted you the moral custodians of MN?
Leave Unicorn alone, you have no moral superiority here.
Read my post and have a go at me.

There may be no moral superiority but there is a moral highground. Unicorn has chosen to have an affair for reasons only she knows and she may see them as totally reasonable.

It doesn't take away from the fact that she is lying daily to people she states she loves her partner and her children. Dressing it up as protecting your partner or the family dynamic is weak. Own what you're doing.

Its not my marriage so im not going to judge her but dont dress it up in to anything other than what it is. Its an affair... with everything that comes with an affair. The lying, cheating etc

I have already stated that I’m too chicken (weak) to end my relationship with my partner.

And Iv never said it’s anything but an affair either.

Thanks Tantalus. It’s lucky I don’t care what strangers on the internet think of me. It’s even funnier as ‘lover boy’ already knows about my Sen child. He’s the one that’s actually split from his wife and is single but is sticking around . So much for running a mile because of my child.

He’s the one that’s actually split from his wife and is single but is sticking around

Like Anthea Turner’s ex and all the other sleazes who left their wives for the other women right?
Don’t be surprised if it’s not actually exclusive unicorn

I only posted anyway because I was disgusted about the child.
I wouldn’t have bothered otherwise.

@Fucksandflowers - He never left for me. Where did I say that? If your going to comment at least get your facts straight and stop making assumptions.

Well you didn’t need to bother anyway. I don’t care about your opinion or disgust.

You said he split but is sticking around with you.
I’m saying most likely he’s shagging others as well as you.
It’s probably not exclusive.

Your right, he could be. I’m already aware of that and if he was then il get over it, say goodbye and move on.

Bloody judgemental posts! Glad you are not letting it get to you unicorn. I've posted earlier in the thread that I am very tempted - life isn't so bloody black and white as others think

It's easy to judge. Try to empathise. @UnicornDust9 - sorry my curiosity has got you so much flack. Your life sounds complicated and difficult, and you don't really sound that happy. I hope the evening a week you have with your bloke is some time when you do feel it.

Thanks @twitterbird and @CursedDiamond.

And don’t worry cursed I don’t mind answering questions.

When we spend time together I am happy, I don’t have to worry about everything at home.

Those thinking they have had an affair and got away with are kidding themselves. At best you have stolen something from your relationship, time, money your DP's faith in you, your faith in the relationship, the love you have between each- these things and others will have occurred automatically.

at Unicorndust
I have already stated that I’m too chicken (weak) to end my relationship with my partner.
And Iv never said it’s anything but an affair either.

Wow this is the worst kind of cop out - Trying to play the victim. Scared to end the relationship but happy to do stuff that will destroy it and your DP too.
Don't kid yourself, you're not scared- your just selfish and happy to hurt those around you.
you may feel you can get away with it, but I am sure they are already paying the price.

*I name changed for this.

But..

I’m having an affair. I don’t regret it and I don’t feel guilty if I’m honest. It’s been going on for 7 months so far. He lives about 10 mins from me in a car. *

He lives in a car...?

Those thinking they have had an affair and got away with are kidding themselves. At best you have stolen something from your relationship, time, money your DP's faith in you, your faith in the relationship, the love you have between each- these things and others will have occurred automatically.

This is really sanctimonious. If you have a free shag in a pal's apartment ( so no money spent) and you don't really care about the person you just shagged, you just like them as a friend- then all you've spent is time and if you'd have been out anyway doing say, the grocery shop, then (no time spent) what's the problem. Loss of faith? If your partner doesn't know (no loss of DP's faith) and you don't have feelings for the shag buddy (no loss of your faith in your DP), ergo not kidding themselves.

Just a thought.

Just a thought

Not a very good one to be honest. By your action you have broken faith with your partner. The fact that you had no feelings or that it is currently secret has no bearing on this. If you have agree to sexual exclusivity you have agreed to it.