Who here had an affair and got away with it?

[kiwimuma]

Following on from another post about what stops you having an affair, I'm curious about if anyone has any stories about actually going through with it and not getting caught/not regretting it

A very good friend of mine just told me she has been seeing another man on and off. They are both married and have A NSA thing. Neither are wanting to leave their marriages for each other. She told me that as a result of this, she's realised how little attention her and her hubby actually paid to each other, and how little effort they put in, and it's helped her relationship with hubby hugely. What are others thoughts?

(I appreciate there'll be a load of people here who vehemently disagree with the idea. That's cool too and your point of view is already well known )

They never really get way with it though do they? Deep down inside there is always that little seed.......................guilt,

I'd like to know this too. However quite often these discussions descend into "people who cheat are disgusting and disrespectful etc" however life is complicated and people are drawn into affairs for all manner of reasons.

I name changed for this.

But..

I’m having an affair. I don’t regret it and I don’t feel guilty if I’m honest. It’s been going on for 7 months so far. He lives about 10 mins from me in a car.

Yes yes, that makes me a terrible person but I honestly do not care what others think about me.

We see each other once a week on average sometimes slightly more/slightly less.
We don’t just have sex, we have been out for lunch, to the cinema and other stuff and not had sex.

I agree with your friend as well that it does make you realise how much effort doesn’t go into my relationship at home (been together 11 years).

I’m not proud of it either but I don’t regret it at the same time.

I also can’t see how I’d get caught.
We use a messaging app that gets deleted every night after we have said goodnight. I have no pictures on my phone or him or phone calls as we message all day instead as we are both busy with work etc.

I had an affair with a married man for a year. He hasn’t been found out. I think he’ll manage to hide it forever. I wouldn’t like to be in his wife’s situation - I think he showed total disrespect for her, especially when we had sex in their bed. Thankfully, I have my freedom and can easily move on but he is thoroughly miserable with guilt so he hasn’t really got away with it. He can never undo what he did.

@Leedsgirlfriend

How did your affair end?

crystal how did you meet your affair partner?

@flintfoxy

Online. I will send you a message with the name of it. It’s not a dating app.

Crystalintheeyes
I also can’t see how I’d get caught.
I hope it keeps fine for you!

@crystalintheeyes I got fed up with him and ended it.

Leeds girlfriend.......do you have no moral compass at all? In his wife’s bed? FFS that is just low, quite apart from anything else.

@Leedsgirlfriend - fair enough! A good a reason as any.

@Crystalintheeyes - why don’t you leave your partner? Why lie and deceive? A genuine question about why you think you should have another relationship that you would deny to your partner?

Knx

Interesting subject. So I will spend some time on a response. FWIW - I love my wife, married 25 years, two great kids etc. We get on great, she is a great wife and mother. Except for sex. After marriage, blowjobs dwindled to none (and they were crap, even when they happened) anything other than vanilla sex was taboo. Anal, no chance. I think my wife's mother did a number her. I heard a term here on MN that described my wife perfectly a one come wonder, not even that much foreplay.

I travel for work. I have been going to the head office 2/3/4 times a year (over seas), for 20 years. I have a "friend" there. Blowjobs/anal anything I want.

For 18 years I have been seeing a woman at work. Divorced with two young daughters (to begin with), so she just wanted a FWB. We see each other once or twice per month. Again very little blowjobs/no anal etc for her husband while married. He left her. Now she gives me anything I want any time.

Between 10 -5 years ago I had two short term "flings" (2/3 years) with my wife's sister and my wife's brother's wife. Again both men complained about sex. My wife's sister's husband claimed he got 2 blowjobs in 20 years of marriage (divorced now), I got two blowjobs off his wife at a family party.

I have several mates who play away and it is all about what their wife doesn't provide at home.

I am not making a statement, just a qualified observation.

Now I am older, do I regret it- Yes. But would I get divorced to get more/better sex???? Not sure.

@Crystal and @Leeds
So did you do "things" with your affair, you would not do with your partner???

Tantalus cool story, bro.

So basically the truth is that those who have affairs are non monogamous and polyamorous they just haven't had the decency to tell their OH.
I found out about my ex's affair. I went dating the very next night. They couldn't handle it. The jealousy was to much for them. When asked (can you believe this) why are you doing this to me? I replied with. "I'm going to have, some of what you're having" they were beside themselves.

We are now divorced. I'm RA and poly. But totally up front about it. I get that people can love other people. I get that they can be intimate with other people.

Just be TRUTHFUL is all I would say. Let your OH have the opportunity to do the same or fuck you off or is that not on the agenda?????

@Tantalus - mostly yes. I’m pretty open sexually so will try nearly anything.

@user1471469606 - it’s compliacted. That’s the only answer I can really give.

I’m not proud of it either but I don’t regret it at the same time

You don't get away with it psychologically. Somewhere deep down internally you don't like yourself. Somewhere deep down you are aware that you're not someone you actually like.

Be HONEST..............

@noego - What makes you think I don’t like myself ?

I don’t think Iv wrote anything that implys I don’t like myself.

I’m not proud of it

This statement means what then exactly?

When you are proud, you are feeling pride, or satisfaction with yourself.

What I mean is I don’t feel pride in the affair but I don’t feel shame, regret or unhappiness either.

I do not think I’m a bad person. I do like myself.

You may think I’m a terrible person and that’s fine because ultimately I don’t care what a stranger on the internet thinks of me.

I know what I’m doing, I also know why I’m doing it. You may not agree with what I’m doing and have some theory about me not liking myself deep down but it’s not true.

hey never really get way with it though do they? Deep down inside there is always that little seed.......................guilt,

THIS in spades.

It may feel good at the time but wouldn't it be so much better if you could that :

Every day ?
With the person you live with?

To be totally in love and fulfilled by your partner?

Feeling that he's head and shoulders above the rest?

You won't find that sculling around the unavailable.