Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Original poster

considering a threesome

201 replies

linzi4fleur · 31/01/2010 22:58

Hi everybody i really do need your advice me & b/f of 16years are going to experience our 1st threesome on Friday, I'm totally up for it and cant wait, i have been with a fem years ago and really enjoyed every minute of it & have no issues in that sense, but i cant help thinking that after my b/f being so turned on and enjoying living out his fantasy of watching me with another woman surely he would want to enjoy the sexual intimacy with myself rather than the other woman, I don't have a problem with him touching and playing with her etc .
Its not a case of jealousy but more of sharing this mind blowing experience with the woman he loves and not wanting to share those emotions with her, Its the thought of losing the closeness and risking the fantastic relationship we have had for so long or am i just being to serious and not looking at the whole experience as just fun and different I would love your outlook on this as to what an ffm would mean to you,

OP posts:

KerryMumbles · 31/01/2010 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BitOfFun · 31/01/2010 23:03

An ffm means fairly fucking mental to me, but whatever floats your boat...

Portofino · 31/01/2010 23:04

What Kerry said. If you can't stand the heat etc etc.

BelleDameSansMerci · 31/01/2010 23:04

I would imagine that shagging you both will be part of his fantasy... I've always thought part of the male fantasy with threesomes is about their desire to be able to fulfil more than one woman in the same session.

From reading your post, I'm not sure you're really likely to cope well with this emotionally. Sorry, but you don't sound sure at all.

Portofino · 31/01/2010 23:05

So it's OK for YOU to fuck the other woman presumably....as long as he doesn't want to.

BitOfFun · 31/01/2010 23:06

Or Fricking Fantastically Misguided

paisleyleaf · 31/01/2010 23:06

I think KM is right.
You're using words like 'intimacy' and 'emotions' - Are you sure you and your b/f are coming at this from the same place?

BitOfFun · 31/01/2010 23:08

I think they will both be approaching this issue from different angles too, so to speak, paisleyleaf...

paisleyleaf · 31/01/2010 23:10

hehe I did delete a couple of versions of the way I said "coming at this" as it was coming out all wrong.

BelleDameSansMerci · 31/01/2010 23:10

And, is the third party someone either of you knows? If it is, I'd say this could get very emotionally messy.

mumblecrumble · 31/01/2010 23:11

Now here's a can of worms....

Personally. DH and I have mentioned this but are both firm that it stays in our fantasy sex life rather than for real. Far too complicated and I';m far too insecure. Also. he'd er... finish in a second he'd be so excited!!!! Mind you, think he would feel it was weird too.

Do you ever talk about fantasies, i.e. get hte fun out of thinking about such naughty things but leaving out the complicated stuff?

Original poster

linzi4fleur · 31/01/2010 23:23

Thanks for your responses so far, although i think most of you have misunderstood what i was asking, i wanted to find out what a threesome would mean to yourselves and your outlook on the subject generally,

OP posts:

BitOfFun · 31/01/2010 23:26

And people have given their opinions on the idea. I don't understand what you want.

RedbinDippers · 31/01/2010 23:27

A threesome to me would mean a betrayal of our relationship.

KerryMumbles · 31/01/2010 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 31/01/2010 23:31

are you very, very young ??

< shit, that's the third time tonight... >

OP, you sound incredibly naive and you are going to get burned...

< waits for sgb >

paisleyleaf · 31/01/2010 23:31

You did ask if you were being too serious.
For me, it wouldn't work if I was emotionally attached to someone within the threesome.

mumblecrumble · 31/01/2010 23:32

Agree with kerry. I would vomit.

H\ve you had a 3 some before? Where is this due to happen? who is th girl?

CaptainNancy · 31/01/2010 23:35

Why would you need to know what it means to ourselves, unless you are a journalist?

SolidGoldBrass · 01/02/2010 00:24

Lots of people have threesomes and don't end up devastated or stabbing each other or in the divorce courts. However, there are a few things you need to sort out before you go for it. One which maybe you and your DP need to consider is that whoever you have your threesome with is a person, not a lifesize sex toy, and you need to be able to treat her with respect and kindness. This means agreeing in advance if it goes a bit wrong and one of you gets upset, you remain polite to the third party, get her a cab home or whatever and then discuss your couple-issues, rather than having a huge row in front of her.
Also, you need to agree the boundaries between the two of you first, and then need to make those boundaries clear, politely, to the woman you're going to be playing with - and give her the option to accept or refuse your offer.

whomovedmychocolate · 01/02/2010 06:42

OP, I'm concerned for your welfare. Is the ground under your bridge very flooded after the snow melts? Do you have a contingency plan for getting the goat across in icy weather - proper salt supplies etc?

Trip trap.

WhatNoLunchBreak · 01/02/2010 09:49

I think that no matter how much you're prepared for a threesome, there are going to be emotions that come up - including, most probably, jealousy - that you will be dealing with there and then, and afterwards.

Personally, I think most threesomes are fraught with danger and there tends to be one partner who has more invested in it than the other.

However, on those occasions where both partners are going in with intentions that complement each other, then it is how they deal with the emotional fallout.

If you're already expressing certain reservations about your partner fucking the other woman rather than you, you have an expectation that is potentially going to cause you stress. Can you manage that? Can you deal with what might feel like rejection? Can you sit with your own jealousy? If you can't, then don't do it.

GypsyMoth · 01/02/2010 09:55

trip trap? possibly....or a journalist....

benefit of the doubt and this is for real
dont do it
you'll be forever suspicious of him afterwards.....2/3/4 months down the line,if he lies once for anything,then you'll automatically think he's off with her somewhere.

Portofino · 01/02/2010 09:56

at wmmc!

toddlerama · 01/02/2010 10:02

You're mad. If you don't want DP to sleep with her, don't invite her into your bed!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9