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Original poster

considering a threesome

201 replies

linzi4fleur · 31/01/2010 22:58

Hi everybody i really do need your advice me & b/f of 16years are going to experience our 1st threesome on Friday, I'm totally up for it and cant wait, i have been with a fem years ago and really enjoyed every minute of it & have no issues in that sense, but i cant help thinking that after my b/f being so turned on and enjoying living out his fantasy of watching me with another woman surely he would want to enjoy the sexual intimacy with myself rather than the other woman, I don't have a problem with him touching and playing with her etc .
Its not a case of jealousy but more of sharing this mind blowing experience with the woman he loves and not wanting to share those emotions with her, Its the thought of losing the closeness and risking the fantastic relationship we have had for so long or am i just being to serious and not looking at the whole experience as just fun and different I would love your outlook on this as to what an ffm would mean to you,

OP posts:
IronOnReverse · 01/02/2010 20:37

My dh is hysterically monogamist too. No interest in threesomes. Said it would be like sanctioned infidelity which is an oxymoron and therefore unworkable. He no more wants to watch me with somebody else than he wants to engage in sexual contact with somebody else himself.

Where sex/relationships are concerned, there are no absolutes.

AnyFucker · 01/02/2010 20:44

IOR, although I agree with your 1st paragraph, are you aware that your 2nd is a complete contradiction in terms ?

< pedantic >

SolidGoldBrass · 01/02/2010 20:49

Oh there are plenty of monogamist men out there. I have run away from quite a few.

bibbitybobbityhat · 01/02/2010 20:51

So, you don't mind providing "wank fodder" (nicely put BOF) for this troll then, Malificence, Paula & co?

Eurostar · 01/02/2010 20:54

Mal - alt.com was the Daddy of "alternative" dating sites and still exists today

Malificence · 01/02/2010 21:01

With my posting history Bibbity - this is nothing remotely wank fodder-ish!
Someone's got to be pretty pathetic to be sexually aroused by this particular thread.

"Sanctioned infidelity" - I like that turn of phrase, I like it very much. Just about sums up "open" relationships.

IronOnReverse · 01/02/2010 21:04

Nope AF. I was referring to and contradicting Angela's statement about all men putting up with monogamy and never craving it.

With regard to no absolutes I meant you can't say 'all men crave extramarital affairs', 'all men wank', 'all women are bi', 'all women need love to have sex', 'men cannot link sex with love' etc etc. I don't mean absolutes for the individuals, I mean generalised statements.

RoyaltyIsMyOnlyDelusion · 01/02/2010 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Malificence · 01/02/2010 21:12

Royalty - you do realise you've just said you're not interested in a threesome with DP? Sorry, I'll get me coat.

BitOfFun · 01/02/2010 21:13

Perhaps the OP could compromise and say her DP can get rogered by the other woman's huge strap-on?

That might work.

RoyaltyIsMyOnlyDelusion · 01/02/2010 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Malificence · 01/02/2010 21:15

Yes BOF - it would have to be huge though.

Strap-ons are creepy.

AnyFucker · 01/02/2010 21:21

oh, I get ya IOR, I didn't realise you were referring to a previous post

TrillianAstra · 01/02/2010 21:32

I'm in the group who would vomit. Thanksfully I know this, so wouldn't put myself in that situation.

Definitely not bi-curious enough to want to mess up a relationship about it.

Angela1961 · 01/02/2010 21:38

What I meant is that men are wired to spread their DNA. That doesn't mean they will not be monogamous in a marriage, or wish to introduce deception or sanctioned threesomes. But it's a simple fact that heterosexual men are turned on by women they see, daily. Any research by any scientist who has studied human sexuality will back that up. SO.... by putting a man in a situation with another naked women in the room in an erotic sexual situation will undoubtedly allow their primitive (and normal) instincts to take over. They may not act on it if their partner is not completely onboard, but the desire will be there. Ask any man. It's a no-brainer.

Malificence · 01/02/2010 21:41

I wonder just how many people have induldged their threesome/swinging fantasies, thinking that it's "only" sex, only to be horrified or appalled at seeing their husband stick his dick in another woman or their wife suck off another man?

How do you ever get that image out of your head? It's not some cheesy porn flick, it's real life with real feelings. Tbh, I don't know how swinging couples look each other in the eye after a night of infidelity - do they think so little of each other?

SolidGoldBrass · 01/02/2010 21:42

Angela: are you aware that women are wired to seek out the best sperm (which may not be that of the man they are married to or indeed the man who will be helping raise the child) when they are fertile? So much of the ruthless promotion of monogamy-being-essential-to-women is about men wanting to keep women under control while shagging around themselves.

SolidGoldBrass · 01/02/2010 21:43

And Mal: I'm slightly surprised that you don't like the idea of giving your man one up the bum. Given that you say you do everything with him...

TrillianAstra · 01/02/2010 21:44

If men are wired to spread their DNA then you can just as easily say that women are wired to get the best DNA for their offspring that they can get, while getting the best man to help bring up the babies that they can get. These two might not be the same thing. Birds are a great example - if you are girlbird #5 out of 10 then you'll end up in a couple with boybird #5, but you'll take any chance you can get to shag boybird #1 cos then your babybirds will have better genes.

Evolution is not an excuse for anything. We have free will, dammit.

TrillianAstra · 01/02/2010 21:48

x-post wth SGB. From an evolutionary standpoint you just want the other half of the couple to be monogamous.

Malificence · 01/02/2010 21:50

I don't like the idea of emasculating him, no. That's what it is in my eyes.
I don't believe I've ever claimed to do everything with him, either.
I know you're just trying to wind me up but I'm not biting.

smallorange · 01/02/2010 21:50

There are men who are genetically predisposed towards monogamy. Tis natural selection and all that. Females select males on many different criteria but in humans long term care of offspring Is a major factor in selecting a mate. Where this happens it has been shown that sometimes the males are also genetically
predisposed to long term relationships.

IronOnReverse · 01/02/2010 21:51

AF, acksherley, in a previously unheard of occurence, I was agreeing with Mal. Is it a full moon or something? I've never agreed with Mal...

Trill, how true. Free will and socialisation and choice etc inform behaviour far more than evolutionary norms.

Malificence · 01/02/2010 21:58

IOR - is that 'cos I loved your oxymoron?

IronOnReverse · 01/02/2010 22:06

I liked your challenging of Angela. Of course a man can crave monogamy, as you pointed out.

I think 'sanctioned infidelity' is how dh and I feel, as do you and your dh by the sounds of it. Certainly don't think it applies across the aboard.

I think an open relationship that works for that couple is, well, actually I don't think anything. Different strokes and all that. I don't think wanting an open relationship or enjoying sex with other people says anything about a person or a marriage other than the the bare facts of them having an open relationship.

I think people fall into a peculiar trap of believing that because they are happy in a monogamous relationship, this somehow defines their relationship as 'good' or 'better' than an open relationship. Hogwash, imo.

So, Mal, I agree with you on a small point but suspect our opinions diverge rapidly from that point. In fact I know they do, I've 'talked' to you before.

Really must lose the WWC-mocking namechange.