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Original poster

considering a threesome

201 replies

linzi4fleur · 31/01/2010 22:58

Hi everybody i really do need your advice me & b/f of 16years are going to experience our 1st threesome on Friday, I'm totally up for it and cant wait, i have been with a fem years ago and really enjoyed every minute of it & have no issues in that sense, but i cant help thinking that after my b/f being so turned on and enjoying living out his fantasy of watching me with another woman surely he would want to enjoy the sexual intimacy with myself rather than the other woman, I don't have a problem with him touching and playing with her etc .
Its not a case of jealousy but more of sharing this mind blowing experience with the woman he loves and not wanting to share those emotions with her, Its the thought of losing the closeness and risking the fantastic relationship we have had for so long or am i just being to serious and not looking at the whole experience as just fun and different I would love your outlook on this as to what an ffm would mean to you,

OP posts:
NorbertDentressangle · 01/02/2010 10:03

Didn't someone post on here a while ago about a 3-some?

They posted beforehand when it was mentioned by their DP/DH, and then after the event and (for want of a better expression ) it all went tits-up with their relationship.

Vivia · 01/02/2010 10:06

Even if we're gender stereotyping 'females want intimacy and emotion in sex' and 'males separate sex from love', in a threesome it's just fucking. You sound so very up for it, you sound thrilled to be having sex with this woman. So is he. Why is it ok for you but if he does it you'll 'lose closeness'? There's no closeness in a threesome, that's the point of it. TBH, I hate the idea of threesomes. If you had one with another woman and a non-serious boyfriend/fuck buddy then fine. But in a relationship of 16yrs it seems a bit odd. I know there are times in all relationships when you want romantic, intimate love and other times when you want something more 'raw'. Don't expect the two to 'merge' in a threesome.

AnyFucker · 01/02/2010 10:09

yes, norbert, they did (wasn't me, btw)

paisleyleaf · 01/02/2010 10:15

You might look back on it and mark it as the beginning of the end. Or, it might go great.
But like SGB says - the woman is a real person. A real person happy to sleep with your b/f.

SolidGoldBrass · 01/02/2010 10:18

If you do have jealousy issues, OP then you need to either sort them out before your threesome, or not have one. Because engaging in a threesome when you know you might get jealous, angry and upset is not fair on anyone involved.
If you think your jealousy is controllable, then remember that you have to deal with your own feelings, and if you have made the decision to go ahead, you don't get to blame either your partner or the other woman.
THough if your partner is being coercive, don;t go along with it and have a good talk with him about mutual respect.

Dominique07 · 01/02/2010 10:19

Sounds like you are going to get hurt, feel left out, and be pissed off afterwards.
Let us know how it goes!
But there might be a few, we told you sos.

Malificence · 01/02/2010 10:48

The fact that you are posting on an internet forum for advice from strangers would indicate that this isn't a good idea.

I imagine that for every relationship that this type of thing "enhances" there are 100 that implode .
It's infidelity at the end of the day and most people can't cope with that, no matter how they try to convince themselves that they can.

DuelingFanjo · 01/02/2010 10:50

I wouldn't want one. I personally wouldn't like my DH to shag another woman even if I was there to oversee and certainly not if I wasn't. It's just a big NO from me.

My friend had one, she felt left out and jealous.

DuelingFanjo · 01/02/2010 10:51

oh - is this someone for whatsis name 'Wright' show? Or something like that?

Kiwinyc · 01/02/2010 11:14

If you can't separate your emotions from a physical act you're going to feel hurt. I think its easy to get caught up in the fantasy of it but forget that reality is a lot less wonderful.

If you are for real, and you have any reservations about it, you should be talking about your thoughts to the people you're planning to do this with, not a bunch of strangers on an internet forum.

Rhuidean · 01/02/2010 12:28

He will want to cheat on you while you watch.

kittya · 01/02/2010 13:43

Its the most silliest idea. Its ok as a fantassy but thats where it must stay. Have I missed abit or have you mentioned who the lady in question will be? are you paying her or just picking her up in a bar? its all very sordid and pandering to a blokes whim, I feel.

Malificence · 01/02/2010 13:55

Didn't you know?
It seems to be that all women have to be a little bisexual or there's something wrong with them.
I actually read on another forum that apparantly all women have at least dabbled,( erm, not this one, can't think of anything I'd less like to do than even snog another woman, let alone do anything sexual) and if they denied it they were kidding themselves.

Why do people feel that they have to act out their fantasies? If your sex life is good, why would you need outside "help" anyway?
If your sex life is a little stale then there is a lot you can do that doesn't involve other people!

AnyFucker · 01/02/2010 14:00

mal...to put a finer point on your point...why do women feel they have to act out a man's fantasies ?

AnyFucker · 01/02/2010 14:00

mal...to put a finer point on your point...why do women feel they have to act out a man's fantasies ?

Malificence · 01/02/2010 14:28

Good point AF.

If I'm feeling particularly playful, I will gently remind DH that, when we were 18, he suggested a threesome with my best friend, who happened to be the spitting image of Siouxie Sioux (you're my age so you probably remember her ).
My reaction was such that he has never, ever mentioned a similar urge again. His exact words when I asked him why, were - " well I love you and I really like L".

If a woman is genuinely into women then she has a choice to make before entering into a permanent relationship. I've even seen posts from women who say they prefer lesbain sex but they make an "exeception" for their male partner! So in other words they just want a sperm donor and a wage packet.

MitsubishiWarrioress · 01/02/2010 14:29

Easy solution. Have a foursome then BF can ummm...ye know...bring about your finale....maybe whilst you get to watch a little man on man action and noone gets left out all round.

I have the fantasy but know I would be selfish about having the male attention if it were to become anything remotely like a reality.

And maybe a 'hardcore' lesbian would be offended about putting on a show IYSWIM. Cos she wouldn't want your BF's attention.

But I agree this needs thinking through a little more. Everybody's needs have to be satisfied.

Funny the things you find yourself thinking about on a frosty Monday afternoon....

Malificence · 01/02/2010 14:30

Or even Lesbian. D'oh. I don't know who Lesbain is.

Malificence · 01/02/2010 14:35

Lol at the "man on man" action - why do I get the impression that that particular scenarion very rarely happens?

I find the MMF scenario an enticing fantasy ( apart from the fact that both the men would have to be my DH ) but that's all it is, that's what's so good about fantasies, they aren't real and nobody can be hurt by them.

AnyFucker · 01/02/2010 15:21

I remember Siouxsie Sioux

that is how old I am

I wonder what happened to her...and if she was the subject of many men's 3-some fantasies....

Malificence · 01/02/2010 15:31

Oh she's still going - this was her a couple of years ago -www.siouxsiemantaray.com/siouxsie.htm

She looks pretty damn good for 53!

Malificence · 01/02/2010 15:41

Actually it wasn't really a Siouxsie threesome he was after, my friend actually looked more like the lead singer of the Bangles but with Siouxsie hair and makeup - she was very petite and very stunning.
I often wonder what became of my friend, she had a very unusual name - Lereece (can't remember the correct spelling) and I've tried to find her without sucess, not seen her since 1986, she was 21 so would be 45 now.

SolidGoldBrass · 01/02/2010 15:53

Oh FFS I was just waiting for someone to come along and insist that women are not bisexual and threesomes are only icky men's fantasies.
FWIW lots of people are bisexual, or potentially bisexual. Quite a lot of people like group sex (It's one of my favourite things). Not everyone is a hysterical monogamist who can't cope with the idea of anyone else ever not being monogamous.
And quite a few women like the idea of a bit of boy-on-boy action, you know (Think Interview With The Vampire or Velvet Goldmine, and those few of Laurell Hamilton's Anita Blake books where the balance of smut and plots was actually about right...). It;s harder to find, but not impossible

AnyFucker · 01/02/2010 15:57

now sgb...you know you really are as predictable as the rest of us mundanes...

it was only a matter of time before you burst onto this thread with your "hysterical monogamist" rantings

buttons ? pressed ?....yup

Malificence · 01/02/2010 16:03

Who said that women (some, not all) can't be bi? I just get annoyed that men people seem to think that all women are a teensy bit bi-curious - THEY ARE NOT.

SGB, you've conveniently forgotten, yet again, that I have nothing against non-monogamous persons, but if they aren't monogamous, they should'nt be in a permanent relationship as well. I'm only "hysterical" when it comes to marriage / families and monogamy.

And as for man on man action, gay porn at least has attractive men in it.

I was pointing out however, that men who want threesomes very rarely seem to want another bloke involved - they seem to have an idea that it's two birds snogging before turning ther attentions onto him.

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