Husband took ring off during lads holiday

[Newbie94]

My husband recently went on a four day lads holiday to butlins (clubbing weekend) with 20 football friends. I noticed that in photos, his wedding band was missing. I’ve checked his phone and messages around that time are squeaky clean. Too clean.

Anyway, I confronted him and he’s admitting to intentionally taking it off but that’s he so so sorry, doesn’t know what he was thinking, would never cheat but just wanted some attention. This is the same man I’ve been begging for attention off for years.

I’m 3 weeks away from giving birth to our second son and not sure what to do or believe. Any comments?

Sorry OP but I think you should trust your instincts. I think he has cheated

Has he ever been caught before, more’s the question surely!

i mean it’s unlikely to have been caught the first time, but he’s got sloppy and been caught!

He's either a pathetic loser wanted attention, or hoping to cheat. Treating women as playthings regardless, you by lying and allowing this fantasy to play out by taking off his ring, especially heinous that youve just had his baby, and the other potential women he wanted to meet because they'd think him single and not know they're being complicit in adultery. Gross all round. When you've just given birth too, so angry for you.

So she could have contracted an STI if her husband had cheated before that point.

It’s very simple and posts telling her to prioritise her health are helpful.

he’s admitting to intentionally taking it off but that’s he so so sorry, doesn’t know what he was thinking, would never cheat but just wanted some attention.

I hope you replied 'and did you get any attention?

Obviously at this stage, with no proof of anything and the situation with the baby, you are not going to leave him. But you should tell him you hope he enjoyed himself, because that is the very last time he'll be going on any lads holidays ever again. If he thinks that's an unreasonable over-reaction then he should probably just leave now.

I believe there gross 34 year old men out there that go away on seedy lads weekends to butlins… yes.

I can’t get my head around women loving them, marrying them and procreating multiple times with them though @Newbie94

Of course he cheated, he went there specifically intending to cheat. You'd need to be deluded to believe anything else.

It's not even as if he can be bothered to put on a devoted husband act the rest of the time. From what you say he got married for the sake of it and his head is somewhere else.

Just focus on yourself and your baby for now. When you have the headspace and the energy start getting your financials in order. See a divorce lawyer.

This isn't any kind of marriage and you clearly know it.

We all know why he did it, OP.

It's really very clear.

Time to decide if you can live with a disrespect that blatant.

My ex cheated. He would remove his wedding ring when he and the ow met up for sex. She knew he was married. He said he removed the ring when shagging her because it took away the feeling of guilt.

I'd class reprehensible mumsnet behaviour as something that men would find funny or acceptable that women just would not consider or have the good sense not to do, although I have met on occasion women who are equally crazy. The ratio, I would say, is about 30/50 to 1. I also am fully aware that the world is a more dangerous place for women, so some stuff would be even more dangerous for a woman. That's not me, bothered my wife is waking around naked, that's the fear of her being raped or sexually assaulted (I do know of 2x stags where lads have been raped by men)

A mild example would be stripping naked and walking down a street. Another one, a lad was being a knob on holiday, so someone acquired a matching bra and knickers and put it in his suitcase A grimmer example would be one lad who had been intimate with a woman in the club and then wiped his wet hands on my face. There is much, much, much worse, as people on the rugby thread were alluding to that what op was upset about was very low level. It is right, who knows, do I enjoy it not some of it. Is the marriage ending? I don't think so. Has my wife got a low bar? That's for her to judge,

Honestly, my boundary is PIV and OS everything you mention if my wife did, I'd not be chuffed about, but that's about it. My wife's are more conservative and would not be happy with all of your list. That's fine; don't think life has to be equal, just fair and honest. Men and women are different.

Can I ask what drew you to become a mumsnetter @CaptianMunchen ?

where don’t you go that you’d like to? @CaptianMunchen

So sorry you are going through this

as someone else mentioned these weekends are are infamous for married man going specifically for cheating and “what happens in Butlins stays in Butlins’

hope you are ok and have a good support network x

Frankly, I think that any man who does anything to upset or stress out his partner during any stage of pregnancy is a cunt. But there should be a special place in hell for men who do this when their partners are so close to delivery. It's a time when women are at their most vulnerable as they contemplate the birth and its immediate aftermath, while they are also feeling the maximum amount of physical discomfort. A decent man would never even contemplate doing this to the mother of his child as he would be aware that once trust is broken, it can never be repaired.

Do whatever you need to do to get you through the.next few weeks OP, and then decide what you are going to do with your useless man child. But warn him that you are keeping a careful account of his behaviour and that any further slip ups will bring your marriage to a swift end. Use this time to get yourself in the best position you can to make whatever action you need to take later.

I've not worn my wedding ring since COVID
Took it off due to all the hand washing and never got back in the habit
DH doesn't wear his either as hates jewellery of any form

So the ring off itself I'd be fine with but admitting he did it so it wouldn't block attention if pretty pathetic and suggests a level of untrustworthiness I can understand

That’s a premeditated move, I genuinely don’t think it would occur to my husband to do that, so he was proactively on the pull. It wasn’t just attention, he was trying to lie to some poor woman he was single sp he could get sex. And from what you’ve said he clearly achieved that.

Can you genuinely not see the difference of taking it off for this holiday, wearing it till then and then putting it back on again? Seriously?

You have been begging for attention from him for years yet are just about to give birth to your second child.

do you think the band aid baby will fix things?

The 2 situations are completely different

My husband literally hasn't taken his off since we got married; I question it if he did for sure.

Exactly, it was such an odd response.

Men mock women who beg them for attention, as it screams insecurity.

I hope the OP finds confidence in herself.

Whilst interesting to know what you and DH have both done and agreed for 5 years 🤔

irrelevant

And they’d be bang on the money with that judgement

It's not judgement. Men do mock women who appear desperate and insecure.