Husband took ring off during lads holiday

[Newbie94]

My husband recently went on a four day lads holiday to butlins (clubbing weekend) with 20 football friends. I noticed that in photos, his wedding band was missing. I’ve checked his phone and messages around that time are squeaky clean. Too clean.

Anyway, I confronted him and he’s admitting to intentionally taking it off but that’s he so so sorry, doesn’t know what he was thinking, would never cheat but just wanted some attention. This is the same man I’ve been begging for attention off for years.

I’m 3 weeks away from giving birth to our second son and not sure what to do or believe. Any comments?

Sorry but he's been looking to cheat for a long while. He is not sorry, and he meant it. The only reason why these 'lads' would go away on that time of holiday is to score with girls. There is no other reason for a 'lads holiday'. And 3 weeks before you give birth? I am surprised you let him go and didn't put up a fuss about that. 37 weeks is quite close, you could have gone into labour. He just doesn't care and I'd say he checked out of the relationship ages ago.

This man who intentionally cheats, thinks that you are not good enough for him and that he is entitled to more than you.. He cannot be fixed by therapy, as he is fundamentally unsuited to marriage and loyalty to anyone but himself.

His contempt of you and any acceptance from you will become the relationship blueprint for you children. You need to remove him from family life, as he is unfit to model behaviour.

Make an exit plan.

'just wanted some attention'

pathetic.

send him to his parents, he will get ' attention ' there whilst you think ( and make decisions ).

Ugh. I couldn’t forgive or forget this. I’d concentrate on yourself and your kids while getting your ducks in a row. I’d then be leaving. You can’t trust him. I’d also be getting checked - god knows what he’s actually been up to, you won’t ever be told the truth. I am so sorry you married this immature twat op.

Good grief!

I'd no idea. I've been thinking back to the days when my (single) uncle used to go to Butlin's for ballroom dancing weekends...and I have a pal who goes for Spiritualist Church meet-ups where they tend to dress up for the evenings.

I thought that it was all as innocent as that.

Nope, that doesn’t work. The point of mistrust is seeing the photos without his ring on – that could have easily been seen on photos he showed her, photos friends showed her or photos on social media. Checking his phone came after that, after the mistrust had started. She would have already slept with him prior.

It’s ridiculous to say you could pinpoint the exact time of cheating if a duplicitous incident happened that raised your red flags. Therefore you couldn’t know if sexual health had been compromised or not.

Wether he did cheat or not, he wanted to or the ring wouldn't come off. Bastard.

OP, for now, please try and put this to the back of your mind (near impossible I know).
You have alot to get through in the next few weeks and months.

Butlins + 20 lads + football = Sti and divorce

You see I’m in a relationship where I’m able to make my own choices….. I don’t need my DH to tell me his choices and that I can’t go based on
those.

Having said that we have very similar attitudes regarding what’s acceptable, ie he wouldn’t pay for a strip club etc, because like me he thinks that exploitation of females is wrong!

I really don’t think that what goes on in Butlin’s is not likely to go on in Europe!

Most men don't wear a wedding ring (though my late DH did, but it wasn't a band and he wore lots of rings anyway). However, actively taking it off suggests at least the thought of possibly cheating. But the the thought is not the deed and if he says he is sorry I would accept that unless you are otherwise not happy.

He had the intention to cheat and likely did.

Clearly, he's making a mockery out of you.

You don’t have to rush into any decisions op. There’s no right or wrong way to handle this.

Your priority right now is you, your dc and your unborn dc. If it suits you to take some time and mull this over, that’s ok.

The only thing that is urgent is getting yourself an sti check. It sounds like there’s a possibility he could have been unfaithful even before this trip. Because birth is imminent you need to be checked for STIs that can be passed to the baby via the placenta, or during labour.

Gather whatever financial information that you can. It’s much harder these days when everything is paperless though.

Think about what support you need through the next few months, and who is available and willing to provide it. He has a responsibility to his dc, and it may well be more practical to shelve this issue until you’re in a better place to deal with it.

the fact he went on a lads trip to Butlins is a huge ick anyway never mind the rest. He sounds repulsive and sad and desperate. And a liar.

I have said accept the apology. But this question nags. What was your DH doing on a lads' weekend? He's married with 2 children. Lads' week-ends away are for boys not grown ups.
Why did you let him go when you are within 3 weeks of giving birth? What would have happened if you had gone into labour (which is perfectly possible, and EDD is exactly that, 'expected' a guess that can be 2 to 3 weeks out at least since it's assumed conception took place 2 weeks before a missed period, which is a maybe/maybe not)? He should not have been away for anything other than work at this point.

Intention to appear single on a weekend like that ... and his phone and disappearance times are telling ... I'm sorry, Op, but I think you know the answer here.

I would think he cheated. By removing his weddng ring, he's given a clear idea of his intention, and made it obvious how he feels about your relationship. If you want him to continue living in your home because he needs to be there so close to you giving birth, tell him that and that you'll discuss the future when you're ready after baby is born. Likew8se, if you want him gone, that's your call.

Do you have family & good friends who'll support you through this?

He's a lying rat scum bag and you know it. Not only do you deserve better, his kids deserve better.

Stick to the facts, tell him this is why he has to leave, don't talk about feelings (because he'll think he can get you to feel a different way). You don't need to investigate or anything, doesn't matter whether he cheated or not, doesn't matter what his friends do or don't know, instead his behaviour is deplorable and you're not willing to put up with it anymore.

Nonsense he was looking to cheat 3 weeks before you have his baby. He’s made his character known. Only you can decide what to do now.

Every married man I know wears their wedding ring. No idea where this thought comes from

I see a few of his friends were calling him the Saturday night about midnight to see where he went… he told me it’s because he was sick and went to bed early, but then on a seperate time (before) said that there wasn’t a night he didn’t sleep before 4am.

He’s told you two very different things here OP. He clearly slinked off somewhere if his mates are ringing to ask where he was - and more than one of them registered he was missing. If he was feeling sick why wouldn’t he just say so ? I think you know something isn’t right here, and I’m with others that you should insist on an STD test. Although I have to say that just finding out he removed his wedding ring would probably make me view him very differently, if not question the whole relationship, regardless of proof of cheating.

Every married man I know wears a wedding ring. And as far as I’m concerned if he’s actually removed it, then the thought is as bad as the deed. I don’t know how you would begin to apologise for your partner finding out that you think so little of them and your family that you would signal you were up for cheating the minute you were away.

You poor woman.
God knows what he has caught.
I wouldn't share a cup with him.

Tell family and friends the truth, you need support.

I'm so sorry but he is scum.
At least you know.

Snap, I've been invited to retro weekends there and assumed it's drinking and partying, didn't realise it's more of a hen party vibe.