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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband took ring off during lads holiday

267 replies

Newbie94 · 21/06/2026 02:01

My husband recently went on a four day lads holiday to butlins (clubbing weekend) with 20 football friends. I noticed that in photos, his wedding band was missing. I’ve checked his phone and messages around that time are squeaky clean. Too clean.

Anyway, I confronted him and he’s admitting to intentionally taking it off but that’s he so so sorry, doesn’t know what he was thinking, would never cheat but just wanted some attention. This is the same man I’ve been begging for attention off for years.

I’m 3 weeks away from giving birth to our second son and not sure what to do or believe. Any comments?

OP posts:
Turntheswitch · 21/06/2026 17:39

BlueFahrenheit · 21/06/2026 17:38

It's not judgement. Men do mock women who appear desperate and insecure.

Indeed
but those women are insecure, so they’re right in that regard . Deeply so. To beg a man for years for his attention and yet still marry him and have children with indicate your self confidence is in the gutter

Askmehowiknow2021 · 21/06/2026 17:42

BlueFahrenheit · 21/06/2026 17:38

It's not judgement. Men do mock women who appear desperate and insecure.

True. But isn’t the very definition of desperate and insecure a man who removes his wedding ring for “attention”?
Personally I have never once been “flattered” by the attentions of a married man. I’m invariably offended that they think I would stoop so low.
But this man set out to deceive both the women he might have met, and his wife. Hardly a catch, is he?

GreatUserName · 21/06/2026 17:43

I hope you are OK OP, this is a lot to take in at the best of times, never mind 3 weeks from giving birth.

Really seriously consider your options.
Don't be rushed or gaslighted into forgiving this sorry, sleazy excuse of a man/husband/father.
In fact, that alone should bolster your resolve - do you really want this specimen to be the role model for your two sons?

BlueFahrenheit · 21/06/2026 17:47

Askmehowiknow2021 · 21/06/2026 17:42

True. But isn’t the very definition of desperate and insecure a man who removes his wedding ring for “attention”?
Personally I have never once been “flattered” by the attentions of a married man. I’m invariably offended that they think I would stoop so low.
But this man set out to deceive both the women he might have met, and his wife. Hardly a catch, is he?

Men like this are opportunists, which is why he believes he can slip off his wedding band on a 'lads' holiday.

Audacious and nasty.

Askmehowiknow2021 · 21/06/2026 17:52

BlueFahrenheit · 21/06/2026 17:47

Men like this are opportunists, which is why he believes he can slip off his wedding band on a 'lads' holiday.

Audacious and nasty.

True. Still desperate and insecure though. Far more so than any women he might choose to “mock”. He is the failure here, no one else.

Purplerain1985 · 21/06/2026 17:55

You poor lady,honestly reading this has made me feel so bad for you!.Some men and women have steak at home but don’t seem to fully appreciate it and take that for granted.It actually makes me sick 🤢 I think it’s pretty clear he’s been up to no good,what an arsehole! I never realised the Butlins weekend things were so wild 🫣my partner can go and do what he likes but I will not agree to that after reading these comments.Chin up darling,you deserve better and I’d get rid.I know you’re pregnant but you won’t trust that idiot again.Good luck 🍀

Laurmolonlabe · 21/06/2026 17:59

No more lads holidays,it may not be really bad,but if he has wiped his phone there is no way of knowing.

BridgetJonesV2 · 21/06/2026 17:59

I'm not sure I'd be able to come back from this OP. It's just a shady thing to do to your wife, and one who is heavily pregnant to boot.

I'd set him free and let him chase all the women he wants. At least that way he can't hurt you with it.

FWC2026 · 21/06/2026 18:30

TheKnackeredNoo · 21/06/2026 12:41

No advice re your husband but, whether or not he is checked out, please don’t waste any time in getting yourself an STI check before baby is born. I’ve seen the devastation that can happen to new born babies whose mums have unknowingly caught something off cheating partners.
if it turns out you do have something then it can be dealt with pronto without baby’s health being seriously compromised

I mentioned it, but this better worded & needs resisting!

@Newbie94 😊please do this for your baby & yourself 💕

one thing to watch out fir us famiky & friends encouraging you to treat it like 'boys will be boys' & getting you to put it behind you etc. people in your life often want things to stay the same for their own reasons, not because it's the best fit you. And thise tgst push to 'stay for the children'. It's not best for the children at all.

ScaredButUnavoidable · 21/06/2026 19:05

Twiglets1 · 21/06/2026 06:36

This would be a dealbreaker for me.

He took his wedding ring off so he could pretend to be single.

With a pregnant wife! That's unforgivable.

Exactly this.

I would feel so utterly betrayed.

What a disgusting man he is.

I’m sorry OP.

Ariel896 · 21/06/2026 19:09

Anewregime · 21/06/2026 06:51

I can just imagine this group of men including your husband on a lads holiday at butlins.

and it’s put me off my coffee

drunk, lairy, lecherous, topless, probably all reform voters. Gross.

I wouldn’t be worried about a ring issue in your shoes OP. I’d be worried I was married to a man who goes on a lads holiday to butlins

😂 sorry but this is spot on!!!! Especially the reform voters part 😬

Grammarnut · 21/06/2026 19:54

oliviaAustin · 21/06/2026 11:45

Every married man I know wears their wedding ring. No idea where this thought comes from

The only man I know who wears a wedding ring is in a same sex marriage. I can't remember the last time I saw a man with a wedding ring who was married. It may be common among MNters but it's not a general thing.

Turntheswitch · 21/06/2026 19:55

Grammarnut · 21/06/2026 19:54

The only man I know who wears a wedding ring is in a same sex marriage. I can't remember the last time I saw a man with a wedding ring who was married. It may be common among MNters but it's not a general thing.

i take it you have very very little interaction with men @Grammarnut

Pinkchickenwine · 21/06/2026 19:57

Grammarnut · 21/06/2026 19:54

The only man I know who wears a wedding ring is in a same sex marriage. I can't remember the last time I saw a man with a wedding ring who was married. It may be common among MNters but it's not a general thing.

What?? All my married male friends wear rings!! How many married men do you know?

Turntheswitch · 21/06/2026 19:59

@Grammarnut you say your husband wore his wedding ring (also… he wore “lots” of rings generally?)

Turntheswitch · 21/06/2026 20:00

Pinkchickenwine · 21/06/2026 19:57

What?? All my married male friends wear rings!! How many married men do you know?

Agreed
totally bizarre comment by @Grammarnut especially as her husband wore a wedding ring!!

CaptianMunchen · 21/06/2026 20:48

Turntheswitch · 21/06/2026 15:48

Can I ask what drew you to become a mumsnetter @CaptianMunchen ?

If you want the honest answer, I had a few family issues when I got married, not with my wife, but things were complicated, and I didn't quite understand what was going on. Google led me here; been here a while now, and have learnt a lot, although from my recent posts, I am sure many will think I've learnt nothing, lol.

Sometimes I just try to give a hint of the sometimes complicated world of male-to-male friendships and relationships, for example, people calling for the OP to let all the wives know on the rugby thread, I've seen the fallout from that. It intrigues me that everyone hates male violence until they don't.

In the early years, I had been on many threads where I've had to retire my username after it became toxic. Now I have a nice one for all the non-controversial stuff like cooking, holidays and gifting. I like it here and find some of the posts really interesting ( what happy things make you cry) that highlight the massive difference between the sexes, which is great. Led me to read "Hidden Women", which was an absolute eye-opener, one for the info, two for how totally uninterested my mates were in what I'd read, Dads, husbands, grandads, brothers and colleagues

I also go on lads' holidays while my wife checks how many of the clean undies I've taken have some back worn. Men are grim. I am sure someone, Nigel, only takes box-fresh pants, but sometimes it's the Nigel's that have been let loose that are the liability lol.

Oh, can go pretty much anywhere apart from Butlins lol She probably wouldn't be too happy with Phuket but I wouldn't go there on a lads holiday anyway.

Turntheswitch · 21/06/2026 20:53

CaptianMunchen · 21/06/2026 20:48

If you want the honest answer, I had a few family issues when I got married, not with my wife, but things were complicated, and I didn't quite understand what was going on. Google led me here; been here a while now, and have learnt a lot, although from my recent posts, I am sure many will think I've learnt nothing, lol.

Sometimes I just try to give a hint of the sometimes complicated world of male-to-male friendships and relationships, for example, people calling for the OP to let all the wives know on the rugby thread, I've seen the fallout from that. It intrigues me that everyone hates male violence until they don't.

In the early years, I had been on many threads where I've had to retire my username after it became toxic. Now I have a nice one for all the non-controversial stuff like cooking, holidays and gifting. I like it here and find some of the posts really interesting ( what happy things make you cry) that highlight the massive difference between the sexes, which is great. Led me to read "Hidden Women", which was an absolute eye-opener, one for the info, two for how totally uninterested my mates were in what I'd read, Dads, husbands, grandads, brothers and colleagues

I also go on lads' holidays while my wife checks how many of the clean undies I've taken have some back worn. Men are grim. I am sure someone, Nigel, only takes box-fresh pants, but sometimes it's the Nigel's that have been let loose that are the liability lol.

Oh, can go pretty much anywhere apart from Butlins lol She probably wouldn't be too happy with Phuket but I wouldn't go there on a lads holiday anyway.

Just read your past posts
basically all saying how mumsnet has a problem with men

Turntheswitch · 21/06/2026 20:53

In the early years, I had been on many threads where I've had to retire my username after it became toxic

I shudder to think the nastiness you have posted @CaptianMunchen

BlueFahrenheit · 21/06/2026 20:57

Grammarnut · 21/06/2026 19:54

The only man I know who wears a wedding ring is in a same sex marriage. I can't remember the last time I saw a man with a wedding ring who was married. It may be common among MNters but it's not a general thing.

Pardon ....? 😂

TheTealHiker · 21/06/2026 21:01

Turntheswitch · 21/06/2026 15:17

I believe there gross 34 year old men out there that go away on seedy lads weekends to butlins… yes.

I can’t get my head around women loving them, marrying them and procreating multiple times with them though @Newbie94

Me neither.

I know two girls (if you can call them 'girls') who were married to serial cheaters. When the "D"Hs finally left they both had 4 kids and the youngest a new baby.

Ridiculous. 🙄

livemorelovemore · 21/06/2026 21:06

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. I had similar with ex-H, but with a message suggesting he hadn't gone back to his room on a stag do and may have been with the girl from the bar. At the time I believed his cover story (slept in friends room, which there was zero evidence for) probably because I couldn't face seeing the truth, thinking seeing the truth meant I had to blow the family apart etc. You can choose to look at the objective facts, whatever you decide to do with those facts, at least you're not kidding yourself. I look back now and think I was completely blind. Personally I think taking a wedding ring off on lads holiday is inexcusable. At best it shows a weak-minded man who has to act up to impress his laddish mates, prioritising them over showing his wife respect - and that'll be a problematic dynamic. At worst it shows a man who hides that he's married so that he can cheat. Depending on where you think he is on that spectrum, and how the rest of your relationship is, can help you to decide next steps. For now, look after yourself and the baby, the decisions can always come later. So sorry you're going through this stress,

BlueFahrenheit · 21/06/2026 21:06

TheTealHiker · 21/06/2026 21:01

Me neither.

I know two girls (if you can call them 'girls') who were married to serial cheaters. When the "D"Hs finally left they both had 4 kids and the youngest a new baby.

Ridiculous. 🙄

I fail to understand the attraction. There again, some women love 'bad boys'.

TheTealHiker · 21/06/2026 21:07

Ariel896 · 21/06/2026 19:09

😂 sorry but this is spot on!!!! Especially the reform voters part 😬

Oi ! Give it a rest will you?
It's not Reform that wants to legalise cocaine, heroin, ketamine and the date rape drug, GHB, a drug which we know is used to spike drinks for women.

Turntheswitch · 21/06/2026 21:08

BlueFahrenheit · 21/06/2026 21:06

I fail to understand the attraction. There again, some women love 'bad boys'.

Oh these aren’t “bad boys”

they’ll be boozy, lecherous, twats that 99.99% of women shudder at