Husband took ring off during lads holiday

[Newbie94]

My husband recently went on a four day lads holiday to butlins (clubbing weekend) with 20 football friends. I noticed that in photos, his wedding band was missing. I’ve checked his phone and messages around that time are squeaky clean. Too clean.

Anyway, I confronted him and he’s admitting to intentionally taking it off but that’s he so so sorry, doesn’t know what he was thinking, would never cheat but just wanted some attention. This is the same man I’ve been begging for attention off for years.

I’m 3 weeks away from giving birth to our second son and not sure what to do or believe. Any comments?

Of course he's cheated, he must think you were born yesterday. Married men don't take their rings off just for a bit of attention..absolute bullshit.

What's your housing situation?

you need to separate. We don't have a Time Machine so no point in going over why you made the choice to get married to him or pregnant twice.

you don't need 'proof'. You know he's been fucking around, you know he hasn't been there for you for YEARS.

But you have (almost) 2 children to do your best for. The sooner you separate from this disgusting man the better.

Move forward positively. Put your energy into your future, not the past.

What stood out more than anything in your OP was the fact that you have been begging your DH for attention for years - that’s so sad😢My DH isn’t perfect but even after 25 years together, he still makes me feel like a Goddess.

I’m sorry op, this is absolutely not ok. He went there with the intention to cheat.

Agree with this post. a guy I knew went to butlins he couldn’t sleep with his gf until he went to std clinic it was that bad. Unfortunately op I think he wants to be single and the mates couldn’t find him because he was in someone else’s bed. Do you know the lads wives can you ask any of them because he has basically thrown them under a bus if they have partners. What a selfish twat. Wedding Rings do not put off women unfortunately, but taking his off is saying hey I’m free.

I wouldn't bother trying to get him to go for one.

he wouldn't be getting near me ever again!!

id go for one, to do whatever I could for my unborn baby.

Hi op I also had some disgraceful behaviour from my ex and he dumped me when I softly confronted him…

all I can say now is put yourself first, give up on him in your head but if he will be physically useful for the first few months then keep him around to wait on you and help with the big boy. If he won’t be helpful then can your mum move in to help?

then seek sti test and legal advice.

I’ve been singe and met a man on holiday pretending to be single before that I really really liked I was devastated when I saw on fb he had a girlfriend. I didn’t sleep with him as I’d just met him and I prefer to do a couple of dates first and I thought what’s the rush he lives close to me at home, but not for lack of him trying.

what I will say is (despite not feeling it now!) you are very very lucky in one respect - you have both of your babies and your big kid will have a sibling, you’ll only ever have to coparent with one person. Im really grieving now not having a second baby and my son having no sibling, he loves babies too.

all will work out xx

No advice re your husband but, whether or not he is checked out, please don’t waste any time in getting yourself an STI check before baby is born. I’ve seen the devastation that can happen to new born babies whose mums have unknowingly caught something off cheating partners.
if it turns out you do have something then it can be dealt with pronto without baby’s health being seriously compromised

Absolutely this. Get yourself to your OB and get full STI testing ASAP. Don't have sex with your husband unless he gets full STI testing and you see his results and they're negative. Your husband planned to cheat and very likely did and you don't know what he's brought home.

I would be planning to separate after the fourth trimester myself and be getting ducks in order now with regards to paperwork and so on. You need support in the home with your child and the new baby.

If you stay, you'll never get your needs met in this marriage.

no one has cheated, some very reprehensible mumsnet behaviour, but no cheating.

What’s the reprehensible mumsnet behaviour? A lot of men have different definitions of what constitutes cheating. Some think that basically everything excluding actual penetrative sex is NOT cheating - so flirting, constant texting, sexting, even kissing and touching are ‘safe’ for them…. but definitely not if their other halves did this.

As a man, what do you think and have you done any of those things yourself?

Has your wife?

^ totally this.

Ignore all the apologists/minimisers, OP. Just imagine all this happening again in another few years’ time, then another few. Would you wish that you’d ended it first time and not believed / ignored the lies and lack of respect. Is this guy really fully in this relationship with you or are his eyes and dick going to wander every time he needs a bit of attention or there’s a problem?

So sorry you’re going through this while pregnant. Xx

He is NOT a great Dad.
A great Dad doesn't go away on a lads break 3 weeks before his wife gives birth to their 2nd child knowing she could go into labour at any time.
A great Dad who respects his wife and child does not remove his wedding ring during said break.
A great Dad does not deliberately seek attention from other women
A great Dad does not risk destroying or seriously damaging his relationship with his wife, child and soon to be born other child while on a lads break.
A great Dad does not have his wife, the mother of his 2 children, awake at 2 o'clock in the morning, posting on MN worried due to his behaviour.
A "great Dad" who deliberately removed his wedding ring, cleared his phone and has told what is clearly a cock and bull story?
Has he made any attempts at talking today, of offering reassurance, at further explanations, at getting his football buddies to reassure you?

A great dad doesn't risk exposing his pregnant partner to STIs that could harm her or the baby.

What's the attraction to a man like this?

The possibility of conceiving a child with a man like this makes my cervix shudder.

I don't agree.
Lots do.
My DH has one but doesn't wear it for work because he works in an industry where it could get caught in machinery.
He always wears it when we go out at night.

The night he went missing so his friends were calling him also the night that "things went weird"?

Because he said he went to bed early that night.

Disgusting. He wanted to appear single to any available women. I would be getting my ducks in a row. I would bet my life he has already cheated. Sorry OP, he's a devious no-good.

Has your husband ever done anything like that before . Or given you any reason not to trust him

He went to bed early on a 'lads holiday'.

Clearly, a euphemism for cheating.

Sadly, that's a real worry.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP, especially being so close to giving birth.

I think that if he just wanted to have a laugh and a bit of a harmless flirt, there was no need to take his ring off. There would have been plenty of women who would have been attached, with no intention of cheating themselves, who quite happily would have indulged in a bit of banter, knowing that it wasn’t going to go any further. For him to take his ring off, he’s set out with the intention of being unmarried and unattached for the weekend. There’s only one reason someone does that.

Obviously your mind is probably going to be all over the place right now. It seems to me that this is just another example of how uncommitted he is to you and it would be the end for me. I know you’re putting your children first, and that’s wonderful and everything a good mum should do, but can you be sure he’ll ever do the same thing? Good dads don’t treat their children’s mother like this. How much point is there in you being miserable for the sake of the children, when he’s going to be unfaithful whenever the opportunity arises?

I wouldn’t trust him to get an STI check done. I think you should get one done yourself, so you can rely on the results, and, if you decide you want to carry on with him, make it a condition that you go with him to have his done before being intimate with him. I also wouldn’t trust him to be honest about his results. He’s so far in denial that I think he’d lie about any positive results just so he could claim he’s been faithful. So I don’t know how they hand out the results, be it a letter, phone call or text, but if it was a phone call, I’d want him to press record on his phone so I could hear the results. It sounds controlling, but this is your health, he’s broken your trust and if he doesn’t want to agree to those terms, he’s telling you everything you need to know.

He obviously cheated...ssorry 💔. Don't have any more kids.

The issue isnt that he took it off (my married male friends sometimes do for the gym so it doesnt get scratched or DIY one treats his like a bloody fiddle toy and his has said if he loses the second one hes now on she wants a new one) its that he told you he did it on purpose "for attention"

Where would this attention have ended? Did he only stay faithful due to lack of opportunity? Or did he stay faithful at all?

Im sorry OP, tbh if I were you id go to my mums and get some perspective.

I know where the point of mistrust happened and that she checked the phone after seeing the photos (I did read the OP).

When my exh did something similar, took his ring off and thought he's got away with it [pre internet /phones] I told him to leave it off. Kids were involved including a newborn but I don't take shit from anyone and he knew it.
Divorce papers were served and the OW was lumbered with a piece of shit who dumped her after a couple of months for someone else.
Life can be so much better without cheats in your life OP.