Page 3 | Husband took ring off during lads holiday

babyproblems · 21/06/2026 08:01

The butlins element would give me the serious ick.

It’s clear you don’t trust him - I wonder why? Has there been cheating previously?
Im not sure taking a ring off automatically is some sort of betrayal - I take mine off regularly for many different reasons.

for you it’s obviously very symbolic. I think it would be sensible to see a counselor together and try to unpack it all. It’s worth trying to build a stronger relationship before baby comes X

DierdreDaphne · 21/06/2026 08:02

CaptianMunchen · 21/06/2026 06:36

@WhatTheHellsGoingOn

It was fancy dress, we were all pirates, the hen do flash dance 1980's gym wear. We all looked good, the women were nice and a right laugh, but let's say out of our league.

One of the lads took a group picture so all the women were in the picture and sent it to the Hen. He also posted on FB, hence one of the other wives saw it. It was a funny picture, nothing in it. He obviously made some promises that he wouldn't be near women. She phoned crying, saying he'd crossed a boundary.

He spent a while talking her down. He then had a go at the lad who posted the picture, and he commented on his partner. Obviously, a drink was involved, and we ended up with a few punches thrown

Blokes say stuff they don't mean when they're together (all the time), especially when drink and drugs are involved. Banter; bravado, some of it plain not true, putting it down in a WhatsApp is like writing your thoughts on paper, which you'd never do. All you need is one of the lads to show the group messages to their partner, probably knowing that they are all clear, and a bit of a "look, I was good", but look what they were doing, and all hell can break loose ( see current rugby thread on here) easiest option is the group leader sets up the WhatsApp, and it gets deleted after/

Honestly, I've been on lots of lads' holidays, and since we've not been single, no one has cheated, some very reprehensible mumsnet behaviour, but no cheating. Obviously, things go in circles, and some of the older ones are now once again single, which brings challenges of them bringing women back to hotels or pictures with women and their friends on them. It's easier just to go back to analogue memories.

I'm so glad I'm not a lad! That sounds so sordid. "Women"? Like something you treat yourself to on holiday? It all sounds so forced and anxious.

And so glad my husband isn't a "lad" either..He goes on holiday with his male friends, the what's apps are all about how much bacon they need for the fryup and who is giving who a lift/did I leave my waterproof in someone's car.

They spend their time hiking and chatting about their kids and should Keir Starmer resign. And have an excellent time. I guess they are all secure in their masculinity though so don't feel the need to play a role to convince each other. They are lucky I guess.

PetiteParakeet · 21/06/2026 08:03

babyproblems · 21/06/2026 08:01

The butlins element would give me the serious ick.

It’s clear you don’t trust him - I wonder why? Has there been cheating previously?
Im not sure taking a ring off automatically is some sort of betrayal - I take mine off regularly for many different reasons.

for you it’s obviously very symbolic. I think it would be sensible to see a counselor together and try to unpack it all. It’s worth trying to build a stronger relationship before baby comes X

He literally told OP he’d taken the ring off in order to get attention from other women.

Justbreathagain · 21/06/2026 08:04

Horrendous. OP what has his behaviour been like prior to this? I suspect he has not been a commited husband and father up until a Butlins trip ? Have you found out things before and forgiven him ?

AnonymityAnonymity · 21/06/2026 08:07

CaptianMunchen · 21/06/2026 04:57

It's really not great that he has taken off his wedding ring, but if you are pre-programmed to check his fingers in photos, I guess you have done this before and this time he's been caught, which maybe points to that you don't really trust him and that he has been lacking in showing you attention, as you state in your op.

From what I know about the Butlins weekenders, and the shenanigans that go on there, a wedding ring would not be a barrier to getting laid, possibly the opposite in fact. Think taking it off is more of a statement to the lads he's with, which is a bit sad to be honest.

I wouldn't be too concerned about the messages. We go on several lads holidays no one is cheating but as you can see from this and the the other current threads on here we have adopted a media black out on tour sine one of the lads posted am innocent picture of our group and a hen doo all in fancy dress and one of the wives phoned another lad up crying and then the two of them ended up scrapping, So now no pictures and a WhatsApp group for the weekend that gets deleted after, Sad but true,

If you're also anti-drugs, then the vagueness could point to drugs, but he hasn't helped himself by taking off his wedding ring, so only you know if you trust him. I've never cheated, but the former is my temptation, it's a very hard boundary for my DP, so if I had taken anything, I would be sketchy

Hope that doesn't read that I am making excuses for him, I just really hope it's just one mental weekend before your baby and that he hasn't cheated. Sounds like he's got a big shock coming and hopefully a lot of growing up,

Yes it does read as though you are minimising and making excuses.

Esmeraldathe3rd · 21/06/2026 08:08

I'd tell him that you are going to move forward assuming he has cheated on you and is lying to you about it. That if he has a shed of respect for you he'll tell you the truth. But if he doesn't then you'll do what's best for you and the kids.

He probably still won't tell you the truth, maybe just a partial truth.

You need to think practically, you're days away from giving birth, can you ask him to leave? Can you manage alone? If not you need to focus on what you need from him. I wouldn't be doing anything for him at all and would be very clear about what he needs to be doing. This isn't love now, this is two people having children together and he needs to be pulling his weight.

Send him for an sti test, I'd book it myself and say "I want to book an appointment for my husband, he cheated on me and I'm pregnant so I'm worried he could give me something." So that when he turns up they all know what he is. Talk to people about it, get support. So often people hide it because they're ashamed. Of what? You didn't do anything. This isn't your shame to carry. No one is going to slag you off for staying right now, you're heavily pregnant with your second child. And others knowing makes it harder for you to sweep it under the rug yourself and start playing happy families again. Unless that's what you want to do. If you want to just pretend it never happened that's your business, you wouldn't be the first.

LadyDancesALot · 21/06/2026 08:08

I'm sorry but he took it off to try to find a woman.
If you need to check his phone you don't trust him anyway.
And missing messages? Has he deleted them?

If you've been trying to get 'attention' from him for years, your marriage doesn't sound good.

I'm sorry - this is horrible when you're pregnant - but I'd be looking to separate when it's possible.

TheTealHiker · 21/06/2026 08:10

PJ98 · 21/06/2026 07:38

He's showing and telling you who he is, but you're not listening.

This ^ with big brass bells on.

PersephoneParlormaid · 21/06/2026 08:10

Forget the ring, it’s a basic question, do you trust him enough to spend the rest of your life with him?

Anewregime · 21/06/2026 08:13

PersephoneParlormaid · 21/06/2026 08:10

Forget the ring, it’s a basic question, do you trust him enough to spend the rest of your life with him?

Even putting the trust issue aside, the fact the Op has been “begging for his attention for years” indicates it’s over”!

Justbreathagain · 21/06/2026 08:14

Anewregime · 21/06/2026 08:13

Even putting the trust issue aside, the fact the Op has been “begging for his attention for years” indicates it’s over”!

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And yet she is pregnant. Why get pregnant when you have needed to beg for attention for years, sorry but you have to take some responsibility for your own decisions

Thecatthatgotthesouredmilk · 21/06/2026 08:15

TheThingOnTheIce · 21/06/2026 07:46

Have you checked his recently deleted messages op ? He probably hasn’t thought to empty that

I came here to say the same thing. If he has an iPhone, any recently deleted messages are stored. Just go into the messaging app, click on the 3 little dots at the top and recently deleted messages appear.

Anewregime · 21/06/2026 08:16

Justbreathagain · 21/06/2026 08:14

And yet she is pregnant. Why get pregnant when you have needed to beg for attention for years, sorry but you have to take some responsibility for your own decisions

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Oh I see it all the time on mumsnet
depressing isn’t it?

TheTealHiker · 21/06/2026 08:17

Justbreathagain · 21/06/2026 08:14

And yet she is pregnant. Why get pregnant when you have needed to beg for attention for years, sorry but you have to take some responsibility for your own decisions

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That crossed my mind as well.
But I kept shtum so as not to release a pile-on about 'victim-blaming'.

Anewregime · 21/06/2026 08:19

TheTealHiker · 21/06/2026 08:17

That crossed my mind as well.
But I kept shtum so as not to release a pile-on about 'victim-blaming'.

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It’s the children that are the victims in my eyes

AtIusvue · 21/06/2026 08:19

Going to Butlins, having a ring on or off makes no bloody difference, the big weekends are now notorious for just shagging anything that moves. There was Daily Mail article about the place and what really happens

https://www.dailymail.com/news/article-15336025/Eye-popping-truth-really-happens-Butlins-adults-open-weekend-Theres-whispers-middle-aged-cheerful-camps-notorious-ANDY-JONESs-investigation-reveals-prudes-look-away.html

https://archive.ph/3wsIX

You have to operate on the probability that he did cheat. But worse, he had full intention of going that weekend to do so.

At this point, you are the one in complete control and power. You choose what happens next and when. Right now you’re priority is your and you baby’s health. You focus on that and when it feels right, you decide what to do. You don’t tell him a thing in the meantime though.
You get your affairs in order, sort out everything you need to …even if it takes months. Once you are in a comfortable position, then you make the decision of what you are actually going to do.

But he clearly went out with the intention of cheating and it seems obvious that’s what he did. But the decision of what happens next, is entirely yours and on your time line.

Eye-popping truth about what happens at a Butlin's adults-only weekend

It's 2 o'clock on a Saturday afternoon at Butlin's in Skegness and I'm about to sample one of the site's famed group activities - but I'm not about to play bingo or join a round of pitch 'n' putt.

https://www.dailymail.com/news/article-15336025/Eye-popping-truth-really-happens-Butlins-adults-open-weekend-Theres-whispers-middle-aged-cheerful-camps-notorious-ANDY-JONESs-investigation-reveals-prudes-look-away.html

andthat · 21/06/2026 08:19

Newbie94 · 21/06/2026 02:22

Thank you all, it’s infuriating I won’t know for certain what happened but the ring off alone… utter devastation. Surely no happily married man would be doing that - to his pregnant wife no less.
yes, the messages are suspiciously lacking between the boys that weekend - lots of calls. In fact when one friend asks how the weekend was after he explicitly says he “can’t put it in writing, but things got wierd”. He said he just meant the after parties (he admits others brought girls back and that there were drugs too).
I see a few of his friends were calling him the Saturday night about midnight to see where he went… he told me it’s because he was sick and went to bed early, but then on a seperate time (before) said that there wasn’t a night he didn’t sleep before 4am.
honestly reading it back what I’ve written, I just feel so stupid.

@Newbie94 your husband seems to think you are stupid.

He took his ring off
He went missing from his friends.
He claimed ti be sick and went ti bed at midnight… but contradicted himself and said he didn’t go to bed before 4am
He admitted to friends that what he did couldn’t be written down.

Hes a lying bastard isn’t he? And I’m hoping he’s underestimated you and that you aren’t stupid…

Morepositivemum · 21/06/2026 08:20

Jesus- I was about to stand up for him as I took my own off recently for house stuff (icky drain stuff) and also when my hand swelled- attention?!?!? Ask him will you take yours off and go to a bar? So sorry op

Anewregime · 21/06/2026 08:20

Surely no happily married man would be doing that

surely no happy marriage involves the wife begging for his attention for years ?

YourKonstantine · 21/06/2026 08:21

My friend’s husband used to do it all of the time. We’ve managed to uncover a few EA’s over that time, but never found proof of anything physical. I’m pretty sure he cheated, so is she but we can’t confirm it. They are now divorcing.

Original poster

Newbie94 · 21/06/2026 08:23

Thank you all, it’s been really helpful to get others perspective, especially when I don’t know if I should be honest about this with friends and family yet.

prior to this, while he is a great dad, I had been suffering in the marriage. I’ve complained for years about his coldness, lack of warmth, effort, lack of sexual effort. And not that it matters, but we are both quite attractive and take care of ourselves. It’s not like I’ve let myself go or don’t make the effort (again, not that it should matter). I never in a million years tho have ever suspected he would disrespect our marriage. While cold, I’ve thought he’s a man of integrity. A family man. I just feel naive.

I agree with butlins being a shady choice to begin. Funnily I’ve never begrudged him time with his friends, he’s a grown man and I trusted him. But yes, in hindsight, what’s a married father or two (one being due imminently) doing. The priority is not there.

I don’t think I can look at him the same. This has fundamentally changed how i view him and our marriage. And trust? Gone. Not even been married two years. Attention of other women? Bloody hell. & he’s attractive too - it wouldn’t have been hard. & girls being brought back… I almost feel like how could he have not cheated. It would have been on a platter in a place like that.

I feel like I just want to focus on my newborn. What else can I do. He could probably stay with his parents. Oh I don’t know, it’s so difficult.

OP posts:

BlondeFool · 21/06/2026 08:24

I’d be ringing the other wives and getting them to check their husbands phones. Maybe one of them hasn’t deleted all the messages.

Dirty dogs.

Honeysucklelane · 21/06/2026 08:28

Newbie94 · 21/06/2026 02:01

My husband recently went on a four day lads holiday to butlins (clubbing weekend) with 20 football friends. I noticed that in photos, his wedding band was missing. I’ve checked his phone and messages around that time are squeaky clean. Too clean.

Anyway, I confronted him and he’s admitting to intentionally taking it off but that’s he so so sorry, doesn’t know what he was thinking, would never cheat but just wanted some attention. This is the same man I’ve been begging for attention off for years.

I’m 3 weeks away from giving birth to our second son and not sure what to do or believe. Any comments?

Removing your wedding ring is an intent to try and hook up with someone else and cheat. Mind you, there’s plenty of women out who wouldn’t give the fact he’s married a second thought, especially on one of those types of weekends. So he’s even stupider because he could have kept it on and you’d none the wiser.

Anewregime · 21/06/2026 08:29

If you have been begging for his attention for years. Why did you marry him 2 years ago?

Roselilly36 · 21/06/2026 08:32

Shows intent, by taking off his wedding ring. I am sorry OP, you must be really upset. Focus on you and your children, why do so many men cheat when their wives are pregnant, it’s such a vulnerable time for a woman. The coldness sounds like emotional abuse, you have only been married two years? Wow surely you don’t want to waste years of your life with a cheater/unloving man? Take time to think and plan. Wishing you all the best.