Husband said he wants to split up and I’ve been totally blindsided - part 2

[mummy917]

Made a new thread as the original one is almost full 😊rel

I would have thought that ideally, you don't want him in your house.

Even if it means more work for you getting them ready. It's not his home any more

OP, I really want to keep CMS on your radar, as 50/50 is looking about as likely as The Tooth Fairy.

@mummy917

By 'giving him the bedding' do you mean 'giving' or 'lending'? Because I have a feeling he'll conveniently 'forget' to bring it back. And if he does, for sure it won't have been washed (if needed).

I think this may be one time a little 'controlling' 🙄 may be permitted. A text on Sunday reminding him "The children's bedding must be returned when you bring them home". And if he does happen to remember, I'd then tell him "I will not be lending this a second time". If he says "skint til payday" I'd say "Not my problem to solve for you. You're an adult and a father. Sort it".

I'm not criticizing you for lending, honestly what else could you have done right in front of DC? But you can see how he manipulated the situation so you had no choice. And he's going to continue to manipulate and continue to expect you to control 'solve' all his crises unless you put your boot up his arse foot down HARD.

It’s hard to believe that this is a 41-year-old man, what a twat. 😡

This.

This.

I cant understand why you lent him bedding and nappies when he clearly cant organise his finances and has spent £400 on a tattoo. I would have told him to borrow the cash off a family member. He needs to grow up. Im not saying this in a nasty way either but I just dont get it.

'Yes sorry Dave that schedule is not work for our children . ,Also can you please ensure you have the bedding ,clothes nappies and all other essential things out children require for their next contact with you as it isn't my responsibility to provide them things for them at your home . If you don't have it you will be letting your children down ,it's in YOUR control if that does or does not happen. I'm their parent NOT yours . '🖕 (finger optional) 🫣🤣

It's Sunday. Not a work day. What reason does he give for why he can't take his son to Sunday morning sports clubs, (that was the highlight of my DH's week when they were school age) other than he's too lazy and wants a lie in and thinks he'll be too exhausted by Saturday.
Most kids look forward to those Sunday mornings and having their parents watch them play, and even the time travelling too and fro. Why can;t he see how essential that is your poor son, at this precise moment in time. He can't beat his chest about 50/50 and cry wolf about lack of access if he can't see this through his son's eyes and that his DC need to know he will still be a regular appearance in their lives. Pathetic.

Be careful about making remarks that could be seen as snide or critical OP - especially in writing-they won’t go down well in court or mediation. And the bedding/clothing for kids is half his after all. He didn’t take any but even so he’s still entitled to half…just saying.

If we are going to split hairs, then yes everything they own is a joint item, but taking bedding seems rather like taking the kettle? Or a box of cereal?

Or the couch they all sit on...(Oh wait...)

He should have taken some children’s bedding with him. He’s clearly not v organised. And yes they are splitting up so they will need to divide their jointly owned possessions in some fair way.

No matter how annoying it is, OP should work towards demonstrating that she is the bigger person. Some time in the future this will matter a lot. A court will view everything that’s done through how it affects the children. OP does not want to come across as refusing to allow her ex to take bedding for his children…it is not a good look.
She can be reasonable. Some bedding. Enough to get by. It’s all about the benefit of the children - that’s got to be the bottom line.

Turn it round.
Tell him you'll leave. He can have the kids..and you'll arrange to take them for sleep overs etc..once you've both attended mediation..when you're settled.
Move out.
Stay with a friend.
Leave him with everything...

I did give him bedding. I’ve said multiple times throughout all of this that I’ll never let the kids go without anything they need or is an essential. I just felt he should’ve had quilts and pillows of his own as they’re a bare essential.

I bought him duvet cover sets before he moved out also; one for each child so all he’s had to buy are base sheets and the actual quilt and pillows. I also bought the 4 mattresses for the kids beds at his house. And none of this I begrudge, because it’s for the kids and they’re the priority.

I think most of us understand why you've done these things and would do the same in your situation. The children are the most important people in this situation.

You've done the right thing. And there's been good advice about putting all this in writing to him.

Big hugs to you OP. It must feel like you can't win sometimes ❤️

Youve done brilliantly, hes acting like a spoilt brat, hopefully he'll see what he says was controlling was actually being organised. What a knobber!

"... can you please ensure ..." can be misrepresented very easily, and show to others as "proof" of whatever nonsense - controlling, undermining and so on.

Something along the lines of "both houses need adequate supplies. Supplies cannot be shared or moved from one house to another. Both house managers need to know what they have in stock, and manage accordingly..." and so on is harder to manipulate and argue against.

In my opinion anyway!

The sheer cheek of him being being so nasty to you as he was leaving and then asking if you need help cutting your lawn not long after.

It's like he's trying to give you whiplash.

He's in for a shock over the neck few months. I'm guess you've done all the household admin for a while too and the shopping.

Just waiting for him to shit it and attempt to come back haha. I'll put a bet in that it might be in 6 months time or less. Maybe a year. Either way, enjoy slamming the door on that!

This is an example of you loving your children more than disliking him.

Ive silently watched both of your threads and I just wanted to say I think you are an incredibly strong woman and I am in awe at how you have handled everything. I understand you are strong not by choice but I wish you the happiest of futures.

The irony is that he doesn't seem to be able to do anything without you 'controlling' him 😂

Great work! ❤️❤️❤️ you are ahead of the game. Keep the receipts, document and log. One day he’ll be complaining about you to a mediator or a lawyer… and you will be ready with facts and evidence.

Good to hear its better, but why does he get away with not paying CMS? So many men on here seem to walk away with no responsibility. 💐

You know if you hold a finger on a WhatsApp notification you can read most of it without actually opening it up, so he can’t see you have seen it

Please make sure you keep a record of this and receipts if you ever need to prove anything from a custody perspective x