The Dating Thread 59 - meeting in midsummer with passion ablaze🔥

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Am so glad for you!

Sounds absolutely amazing - I’d say enjoy, but honestly you can’t fail to!

@Polly1979 sorry about Mr Culture!

Well planes agreed 1:1 drinks were inappropriate and then this morning said
"I was pleasantly surprised by how much I was attracted to you because I'm normally attracted to much slimmer people".
I can't unhear that so I ended it 😁 he is not a slim man himself.

@Polly1979- good you had a pleasant Thursday - but definitely that attracted to is so undefinable - but when you find it it’s pretty good lol - best of luck with the others - you are the prize remember.

Omg - wow - I thought he had emotional intelligence too. The absolute cheek of him and all those guys who think they’re some fat demi god entitled to be make rude, oblivious comments before they look in a bloody mirror. I often say ‘I don’t wish to call them stupid, but …’ which is naybe not kind, not usually related to a relationship - but I think it absolutely fits here.

I am so sorry - I was just about to answer to previous message when I saw this - I was going to say it’s difficult but the heart often needs following- I hope the heart has actually put down its final no - it will be ok - you deserve so much better however shite today is 💐💐💐

@Nosdacariad oh please please please don’t contact him again . He’s fucking awful. I’m sorry to be blunt but he is . He’s a shit

Thanks @MsJinks and @TheThingOnTheIce it's the arrogance of it, but I did tell him I'm so glad he said it now and not three months down the line.

Oh wow. That’s definitely disturbing and I would never take a comment like that with a pinch of salt, so you’ve 100% done the right thing by taking screenshots, blocking and reporting!!

Im a nurse so you can imagine the kind of work-related sexual comments I get, but there’s absolutely no acceptable way in which your job can be related to any sexual chat at all, that’s not totally inappropriate!

Showed his hand and intentions quickly, thankfully. Hope you’re okay. Why do men never fail to shock?

That really takes the fucking biscuit. He sees himself as the prize but he really isn’t. He seems to be good at turning on the charm when he needs to but then the mask slips and he shows his true colours. You deserve much, much better.

This sounds blissful already, looking forward to hearing all about your date!

How fucking dare he? I am furious on your behalf. If that was a clumsy comment he clearly has the emotional intelligence of a cockroach. If it was deliberate negging, then he is a nasty piece of work!

Either way you deserve SO much better. Well done for ending it - you have shown courage and self worth and dignity, and done future you a MASSIVE favour. Because we all know that three months in this is them at their best. It's all down hill from here.....

Wow…..wow!!!!! This guy! I’ll be honest and I’m sorry to say, but I’m glad it’s come to an end because you were only going to get hurt further down the line. Obviously what he said was horrible and an awful back handed “compliment” but who does he think he is?! Is this classed as negging? Regardless, what a prick. His harem are welcome to him. That kind of comment would have destroyed my self esteem, which is already being chipped away at with OLD.

I really really hope you’re okay

Not much to report here. Still messaging Mr Peach. We were supposed to meet for first date on Thursday night but I cancelled because of the heat….it had completely drained me and given me a headache, and I knew I wouldn’t have been at my best. He was totally fine with it although we haven’t set an alternative date. But the more we message the more I’m liking him, messaging until 3am last night 🙈

Oh fucking hell @Nosdacariad. I'm so angry on your behalf! What an absolute prick. Well done for escaping xx

Thanks @empirebiscuits12 it doesn't exactly fill me with confidence for any more dating.

Oh promising!

Try not to be disheartened, although I get it must be hard considering the feelings you have for him. Do you think you’re going to take a break or jump back in?

I know a lot of us post about our horror stories however I have faith there’s many wonderful guys out there who would be over the moon to have women like us! We just need to sift through the shit to find them, although it really can be so draining.

Ive put my tinder on pause for the time being. Not because im putting all my eggs in Me Peach’s basket but because it really was draining the life out of me with the swiping, small talk, unmatching and being unmatched just to start again.

I really hope you’re okay lovely 🤍

Thanks @empirebiscuits12 I think a break.

Sorry if this sounds horrible but I wish men with treatable ED would get it treated before launching on the dating market.

I think the ED is the least of his issues

Tru dat!

Lovely, I know it's easy for me to say this, but please don't let the words of this feckless, emotionally incontinent loser affect your view of yourself for a split second.

A) even if this was his opinion, he is only one man.

And

B) it's not even his actual opinion. He spent weeks manipulating you into staying with him, often against his better judgement - of course he finds you massively attractive!

I guess they say these things to try to get power over us, make us feel we can't leave them. But you showed you were way stronger than that, which is amazing!

My ex before the last, who looked like a disgusting old tortoise actually, mad me convinced for ages that I was hideous to look at. And that I was a bit mental.

And when I look back, a) he didn't believe that and b) even if he had, why on earth would I give so much weight to the opinion of one man?

Please don't give his stupid words another thought. Except to be glad that you are no longer with him.....

Wise words! There are decent men out there it's true - I am sure we all have men that we love and respect, whether that's family members, colleagues, friends....

It's easy to lose sight of that, when we are confronted again and again with some of the worst of male behaviour - but sadly OLD attracts these losers by it's very nature (though there are good guys on there also). My best friend has just had a horrible break up at about 3 months with a guy she met on OLD, and has posted him on a Are We Dating the Same Guy group and oh my God, the things that are coming back ..... It's easy to get overwhelmed by stories like this.

A break is always a good idea when it's getting too much.....

I’m so proud of you for ending it. He was constantly chipping away at you and seeing how much he could get away with. Onwards and upwards, you’ve only shown him kindness and grace, he’s behaved like a spoilt toddler. Xxx

@Ilovelurchers good luck for today, I hope you have a wonderful date x

Thank you 💐

He is overweight and desperately unfit himself, so ironic.