The Dating Thread 59 - meeting in midsummer with passion ablaze🔥

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Thank you @coolpattern and @Ilovelurchers enjoy the date!

As I said they never seem to look in a mirror these type of guys. See them on OLD - young looking and young at heart - well you must be 85 then not the 60 you pretended!

My ex Mr Situationship sometimes told folk he was younger than me on holiday and made jokes RW taking an older lady away 👀 - a/ he wasn’t b/ he didn’t look it c/ he wasn’t believed, or at least some checked it with me, which I doubt they would as people normal folk appreciate that could be offensive

Negging just comes easy to some folk I guess - might be gifted free along with the crazy mirrors they must buy.

You sound absolutely lovely - he definitely knew you are too good for him and just pulling last straw from a depleted bag - tosser.

Thank you. Two people recently have told him he was "punching" so maybe he was feeling that 🤷‍♀️

Dog walk is happening! Heading out now, wish me luck with Mr Peach 🍑

Oh yeah, in my experience a certain kind of men hates to be told that.

A couple of people made comments to the ex who used to put me down, assuming he was my dad (he was actually old enough to be my dad so it was fair enough.) And I remember a guy in a pub once asking him what he did for a living because he must earn a lot to be with a "lovely young woman like me" - but it was purely a joke - any decent man would have laughed along. But it was always a day or two after things like this, that he would make a point of telling me he didn't find me attractive....

Whereas my daughter's dad (no saint - he cheated a lot - but to give him credit he always made it clear he found me attractive used to almost be flattered if people asked him how he was doing so well to get a woman like me and would just shrug and laugh along - his ego was

secure enough to take it...

Good luck lovely! I hope Mr Peach realises how lucky he is to get the chance of a date with a woman like you!

Good luck!

So just got home from my date with Mr Peach and it actually went really well! It was a very strange date but in a good way, it’s hard to explain. He felt very familiar? As though he was an old friend I hadn’t seen in forever, but with the attraction there too. Definitely attracted to him! His personality was a lot gentler than he comes across over message.

After the walk we went back to my car (very busy car park for a country park) and we sat cuddling and kissing like teenagers 🙈 I could tell he was very nervous though!

Feel this one could have legs, but you just never know.

This is brilliant! Great news 😁

Wow, that sounds brilliant! And you utterly deserve some dating luck. ❤️❤️❤️

Oh God did I overreact and do the wrong thing?

What makes you think you have overreacted? If it helps, I suspect the answer of literally every person on this thread would be "hell, no". But it is your view that matters.

I am so pleased things went well with Mr Peach, @empirebiscuits12 . An old friend is a wonderful vibe to have, and snogging like a teenager is my favourite thing about dating at a more mature age!

How does everyone stop themselves getting carried away with a new iron? I have already planned several holidays together. Obviously I have not told him, that would be insane. But I do wonder that I am setting myself up for a fall.

@BellaBlackberry83 I just don't want to have thrown the baby out with the bathwater.

I think planning holidays is fine so long as there is a voice in there reminding you it's just for fun at this stage.

I understand, @Nosdacariad. I have definitely been there. I think the question is whether the baby is worth dealing with the bathwater. You will make the right decision for you x

No

I have already ended it 🙃

@Nosdacariad I promise I won’t text my ex if you don’t text yours. Currently I’m contemplating sending him a screenshot of his dating profile asking if he actually understands what ‘monogamy’ means 😡

Oh don't do it! I sent MrX a screenshot of his Tinder while he was declaring undying love to me.
He said someone at work made him do it 😅

Had a really lovely date with Mr Village! He is funny, polite, interesting, chivalrous..... About two minutes in I somehow managed to tip my drink all over myself while drinking from if (I am naturally clumsy and was also hot and nervous) and he leapt up and went in to find me napkins to dry myself, while reassuring me that everyone does it. (No they don't! 🤣). The date continued in this vain, with him doing everything right.

At the end he offered to drive me back home (well to mom's house, where I am staying tonight) in his lovely, big, comfortable car (because he is a lovely, big, comfortable man). He admitted on the way back that he would love to see me again, and I examined my feelings and agreed to my surprise that I, too, would love to see him again!

We had a kiss on my mom's driveway (felt very teenage). He is highly gentlemanly so though there were tongues, there were no wandering hands..... It wasn't the most passionate kiss of my life, but it felt comfortable, pleasant and right somehow.

And we have been texting since - he has offered to take me to dinner at a nice local gastro pub I have been wanting to go to for ages since it was refurbished - so I am excited both for the date company and the activity (if you see what I mean).

I'm not overwhelmed by physical attraction to him, but he is a big, reassuring presence (which I like) with a pleasant face, and seems quietly confident, and comfortable in his own skin (which are highly attractive traits to me). I feel the level of attraction could easily grow if I give it a chance.

The only but..... I definitely have developed some avoidant traits recently, so there is a small part of my mind I can just sense, lying in waiting to start talking myself out of a second date with him..... To counteract this i have:

A) made my mom and my vest friend promise to basically force me to go on a second date with him whatever excuses I come up with.....
B) text me therapist, explained the situation and asked if we can book in a session to do some work on my avoidance

Sorry for the epically long post - my mind is buzzing! (Happily...... )

Unless he ghosts, I will finally have got off the second date mark - 8th tine lucky!

@Ilovelurchers Oh wow, great update! Glad to hear it went so well.
What do you think might be driving the avoidance?

So sorry to hear it’s come to an end. From everything you have posted though, it sounds like it was the right call and that your gut was screaming that this man wasn’t good for you. Hope you’re ok and not taking it too hard… onwards and upwards!

Just got home from my date with Mr Charismatic. After dinner, he bundled me into an Uber to head to our mystery location. It turned out to be a beautiful old 1950s theatre that’s not far from the new neighbourhood he’s moved to (the area I’m moving to as well in a few weeks). It has a very retro vibe, and it turned out he’d gotten tickets to a live jazz performance. It was so much fun!

Had a long leisurely lie in this morning (Sunday morning here), he is a bit of a foodie and made me a pretty amazing breakfast. Honestly the amount of effort he puts in, it’s a shame he doesn’t want a relationship but I am still just enjoying it for what it is for now.

In a strange way I think I healed myself too hard!

I used to be more of an anxious attacher - I would fall in love at the drop of a hat, bascially with anyone who would have me. (I am exaggerating a bit but, you know....). Finally, I was getting tired of all the anguish, so I took a step back and had some celibate time while I did some work on me (including therapeutic work, but also just self care and learning to love myself.).

But I think I went too far. I learned to value my peace so much that now part of me wants to run from anything that might unsettle that peace, even positive things.

One good thing is that Village isn't looking for marriage and cohabitation or any of that scary stuff. But he does want monogamy, so a nice middle ground I think.....

But we'll see......

This sounds so lovely - and, from things you have said before, so personalised and tailored to your precise interests .....

Do you think you can just take it for what it is and keep enjoying the fabulous times? There is no right or wrong here - you must do whatever feels best for you.

I am always scared of giving direct advice, as my judgement is terrible when it comes to relationships. But my gut feeling is that you made absolutely the right choice to protect your future peace.