The Dating Thread 59 - meeting in midsummer with passion ablaze🔥

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Thank you . I’m really struggling to move on from it all

This must be so hard for you, especially because you clearly have feelings for him and a connection. Sorry if I missed it but have you had a chat with him about it? It’s quite awkward because, as he says, it’s people he considers to be friends. x

Thank you - your summary made me smile!

They are indeed ridiculous. My enthusiasm for this FWB has been waning anyway, to be honest. I think I will ignore him for a while (not in a nasty way, just in a bored way) and see how I feel.

And I am going to cancel drinks with Mr NHS I think. He is being creepy......

I know!

I mean, asking whether I like it - I think the vast majority of women like it, done well. (And it can be appalling.....)

But it's not like they are doing us some massive favour. Oral sex on a man seems an accepted, standard part of sex. (Of course nobody should do it if they dislike it). Yet going down on a woman some of them seem to think marks them out as a Prince Among Men......

Yes we had a chat about this a couple of weeks ago. I get that he sees them as friends and...they are not exactly friends.

If it were one, I'd deal with it, but there are multiple and I found out another one a couple of days ago.

Plus there is in the pub most nights, working very little, ED and DE...

And when it's mediocre it's quite boring...

I've even known it be painful once or twice.....😥

That is quite a few pink flags there.....

But there are obviously positives too.

Do you still feel that you love him?

I guess there is no mad rush - you can see how things play out. The only down side to that is that while you are with him you might be missing out on Mr Right, who might be all green flags ......

I am not very happy right now. I should be I think?

Ugh - when they think they’re chowing a tough bit of steak 👀🤢

I've just been Kondoing my Bumble and Hinge, and deleted all the matches that weren't giving me a spark of joy. Well, not quite, as if I had been that ruthless I would only have had one match left, to be brutally honest.

I deleted everyone who hasn't replied for a while, or where the chat is stultifyingly boring.

Of the remaining ones, I am trying (without sounding too brutal) to put them all on notice that we need to arrange a date soon, or there is not much point for me in endless chats which never go anywhere.

I know some people are happy to have these, but for me, even if the chat is good, I want it to lead somewhere or I feel I am wasting my time. I have friends I don't have time to message often enough as it is, so I don't want to be squandering time on a guy I will never meet.....

This should be the honeymoon phase

Yeah - they definitely think they’re stepping up to please the woman!

I stepped out of any conversation that brought up sex this time around - I did have very strict ‘bin them’ criteria. I just sorta thought well I’m on a dating site, we all know what dating involves really - so unless you’re either celibate (yeah, I know lol) or have some insanely unusual fetish we can get to that after meeting. I will say it worked out more than fine lol!

I have though answered before on previous OLD iterations and said yeah I like it - but I don’t know if they’re planning 5x a day then in their excitement of thinking it was just their partner who gets tired, bored of picking their socks up etc - it often also led to more advanced discussion on what is tolerable, liked etc and honestly I’d prefer to meet up and know who I’m discussing this with before sharing everything. But that might be my age and no patience.

Slightly related to this Prince amongst men, sex talk too maybe - I was once told you can never praise a guy too much for their driving, sexual prowess and footie skills - ie they will believe any ridiculously hyperbolic statement you make about these things - I have tested this out, and found it true - for my own amusement in rubbish relationships - maybe namalt!

I think so, I think we all think so on here too - you definitely deserve to be happy whatever stage of a relationship you are in but this is definitely the very happy stage for most of us. 💗

Oh this made me laugh!!!! Or like licking an ice cream 🙈😂 x

@Nosdacariad - I agree with @TheThingOnTheIcethat it should be the honeymoon period. I’ve just been away for a few days with my very good friend where everything is easy and she called it a ‘flow state’. No big decisions or dramas and we both rub along and do things, always ending up having a fab time. I realised that this is what I have with my boyfriend/Partner (no idea what to call it in my 50’s lol) of 14 months. Now, I know some people like drama but it doesn’t come across as you are one of them. And you deserve more, however charming and persuasive he can be 💕.

On the ED front, I’m v pleased to say that said boyfriend/partner has finally gone to the GP (tbf previously managing well with blue pills) and has been prescribed testosterone. Yes it was embarrassing I’m sure but glad he has (finally) done it 😊. Will update with results, although can apparently take 12 months for full effect. Good job I’m patient….

@BellaBlackberry83 re painful sex, I now use 1% estriol cream and it’s a game changer!

@Ilovelurchers- hopefully Mr Village has just come off Bumble as he’s really focused on you - sorry if I’ve missed any update to the contrary 🙈

Oh and whilst I’m ok with men performing oral sex, it’s really not a favourite so would hate it to be their stand out performance!

This is great. Hard to get testosterone.

Ok quick update.

I believe we have reached a compromise and time will tell. In the voice of Vader I see I will need to use my walk-away power a lot with this one

@Nosdacariad just been catching up on the thread .. this sounds so tricky and he just doesn’t seem like he has boundaries. I don’t feel you are overreacting and if he wants to continue then he needs to consider your feelings 💐 x

@Nosdacariad I’m so sorry he’s surrounded himself with other women who no doubt all hype him up and tell him
what he wants to hear.

does he have normal, regular male friends?

I’ve been dating Mr K the same length of time and you have the patience of a saint.

Hope it works out, lovely. It's really good that you are voicing your needs and holding him to account. Wish I had done this more in previous relationships.....

Mr Village is still chatting (some days more than others) and our rescheduled date is tomorrow. I have little interest in any of the others, so I really hope it happens and goes well! 🤞

Yes - why on earth do they think that would be pleasant? I'm sure they wouldn't like the same done to them....

I definitely tolerated LOADS of poor and even painful sex when I was younger. Have no intention of doing so again, and I wish there was a way to encourage younger women to realise sex doesn't have to be whatever the man wants it to be! I know lots of young women realise this for themselves - but there sadly still seem to be many who don't...... (Thanks again, Patriarchy!)

@Nosdacariad I don’t really do compromise 😳 so I’d just say don’t bend yourself too far. Sounds like you are on vigilant mode though which is good.

@Ilovelurchers - ooh, hope it goes extremely well 🤞