The Dating Thread 59 - meeting in midsummer with passion ablaze🔥

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@Nosdacariad he has a hareem and he’s hoping you’ll join it. He really doesn’t sound like a catch at all and I’m sure you can do a whole lot better

Yeah, I think I did join it briefly but I've seen the light!

I would say I’m sorry @Nosdacariad but I’m not really, he doesn’t sound great and you deserve better. Leave him to his ED, his exes and daily visits to the pub and move on. It might feel rubbish for a little while but we’re here x

@Nosdacariad it’s hard to let go when you have feelings for them . I wrote on the mental health board a few days ago as I’m still rattled by my last ex who was a similar headfuck .

Sorry to hear it - it has had the advantage of getting me over Mr (headfuck) X 💐

I am really sorry to hear that, @Nosdacariad but I agree that you deserve so much better. It is not easy to hear that in the moment though. At least you have clarity on the way forward and it got you over an ex.

But am I being prissy not liking him having 1:1 drinks with the ex over the road?

So sorry to hear this, but well done for calling time on it. You deserve SO much better.

All couples have different boundaries on male/female friendships, let alone friendships with exes. There is no right or wrong way to feel - but both need to be comfortable with whatever is agreed.

I used to be really liberal about this. But I later found out then when my ex was "having drinks" with his exes he was actually shagging them.

I would be much more wary next time.

@Nosdacariad after my last ex and his female ‘best friend’ (dominatrix) I will never date a man who has close female friends again
with Mr Planes his issues go way beyond his ‘friends’ too

For me, it’s the totality of all the things you have mentioned. I’m so sorry my love

Yes, me too. I briefly dated someone who was 'Good friends' with their ex & I was fine with it... Soon realised what they were doing, & I was being a mug.

Sorry that it's happened Nosdacariad. How are you feeling?

How are you feeling now, @Nosdacariad? X

Hi - I'm ok thanks. As @empirebiscuits12 says it's not just one thing.

In new developments, he has told me something that he thinks explains the ed, and accepted a four week wait to see the GP about it 🙄. And his Mum reads the daily mail 🙃

However he is now backpedalling on drinks with the ex, so I'll see how tomorrow goes - but I wonder how long the drip feed of new harem members will go on.

Hope you're ok @Nosdacariad ❤️❤️

I do not think being uncomfortable with that is prissy at all @Nosdacariad, and in any event, you are entitled to have whatever boundary you want in dating. Don't want to date blue-eyed men who like marmalade? Totally fine. Your boundaries are your boundaries, and they are acceptable and valid.

I wish you all the best with Mr Planes, but my honest view is that he will tell you want you want to hear to reel you back in, but his choices, actions and long term habits tell you who he is. Personally, I think a hareem of exes is a huge red flag - why does he need this many support women in his life, even if the relationships are platonic? It suggests emotional vampire.

Just my opinion of course, and we are all right behind you whatever you decide to do.

Getting ready for my first date with Mr Hat.... Don't have high hopes but nice to get to a beer garden 🤣

Good luck lovely! Enjoy the date - you deserve some uncomplicated fun! And I hope Mr Hat knows how lucky he is, getting a date with a funny, lovely, intelligent woman like you! YOU are the prize! X

Oh, lovely, it sounds so complicated with Planes, and I can tell that you really like him, and would really like it to work out....

I really hope it does. 🤞🤞🤞

Just keep your powder dry, and stay alert. He is clearly an emotionally intelligent guy, and good at offering the right emotional reassurance at the right time. And on the plus side it seems very clear that he really wants to be with you!

Just keep your boundaries high. It's clear you are a lovely, kind, compassionate woman. You deserve to be treated really well. Don't settle for less. X

@NosdacariadSending hugs xx

@CleanShirt Wishing you well for the date with Mr Hat!

Have a great time!

Thank you, that's very kind 💐

Haha yeah I think that’s fairly normal (although I disguise my identity sufficiently to make sure such research cannot be done on me)… However, if I messaged Dr Astrophysicist now on say, Instagram, and went ‘hey, wanna meet for a drink’ that would not be ok, would it? 🙈

Speaking of which, you remember when it was a thing to follow random hot people on social media and trying to get to know them via DM? It’s happened to me, some random (attractive) guy from my neighbourhood who I definitely don’t know has slid into my DMs!

Maybe I have a chance with Mr Astrophysicist after all, considering, haha!

Ooh - hope it goes well - and enjoy the beer garden anyway!

Ohh - it’s a tough time of decision making around Planes 💐

I don’t think boundaries around 1:1 drinks with exes are too much - you have boundaries wherever you choose and the guy can either accept them or choose to leave.

But actually it’s just one thing in a long line at the minute isn’t it, so less about a one off random catch up, if it were that, and more about the list of stuff - and a bit of a harem.

As Lurchers said he’s very emotionally intelligent - this leads to him good at telling you what you need to hear but alternately could lead to him being who you need him to be.

He seems a bit adrift and maybe just filling his life with odd things here and there - pub, exes, etc - this may be the bigger issue I guess as it overarches all of them I think.

Hopefully he will attend his appointment- hopefully he doesn’t read his mum’s DM!

Is it a date tomorrow or a talk? Either way, all the very best with it 🍀